DID YOU STAY UP ALL NIGHT WATCHING THE ELECTION? NO? THEN YOU MISSED A F**K OF A LOT OF STRESS


We got this one, Susan B. (I think...)

We got this one, Susan B. (I think…)

I’ve experienced this (historic) election day in waves:

THE EXCITEMENT WAVE: 8:00am EST

I couldn’t get any work done today. I have things going on – my book came out last week. A blog tour for my book started yesterday. I got the galleys in the mail that need to be looked at right now.  But I knew I wasn’t going to get anything done today.  My book is all about a magic geek who wants power –because I think we need to get more young women and girls used to the idea that it’s okay NOT to be the insecure, shy, modest girl.  It’s okay to want to claim power.  It’s okay.

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Look! My book–I’ll get to it tomorrow.

I’m too hyped.

THE EMOTIONAL WAVE: 2:14pm EST

I went to vote in the afternoon. Absolutely quiet at our voting center, as usual.

Before going I talked with an older friend of mine who always volunteers as an election official.  She said for the first time ever they were advised about what to do if someone came in with a gun, etc.

She also said that there would also be plain clothes police in each voting center of our fair city. Plain clothes—because uniforms would intimidate people. So, being the curious writer I am, I looked for them.  Indeed, at each entrance to where we voted was some young, fit, hipster guy playing with his phone. The guy in the voter booth behind me was hunched over his vote before I arrived, as I voted, and after I left.

There you have it.

When I got home I texted my half-sister asking if my grandmother (102) voted today. I was curious if she was as excited or more then when she was six and women got the vote. Then I just busted out crying because I was so moved thinking about that.

The weepies lasted through admiring all the pictures of women in white pantsuits, or any pantsuits at all…

Pantsuit nation.

Pantsuit nation.

NOTHING…IS…HAPPENING! 5:45pm EST

My sweetie noticing me hitting refresh on the computer rather aggressively and suggested we watch a movie instead of staring at my computer screen. Good idea! Also (shhhh) between you and me he is cranky as F*** with worry.  So we watched a movie and then tuned in at 8:30 – and…

OH MY F**KING CHRIST—ARE THEY TRYING TO KILL US? 9:02pm EST

I tuned in and JESUS! They’re saying he’s ahead in Virginia – Virginia! Until you see in the tiny print that they haven’t counted the most populace northern part of the state yet, or that it’s only one percent vote in or some other yank on my chain.

This is not good for our health people!

A writer friend texts me.

Rachel Maddow may commit seppuku on live television.

Good call!

And I don’t blame her if she does.

The Clinton people are on TV—literally saying–“Everyone take a deep breath. It’s going to be okay.”

I trust you, Clinton people. Don’t f**k with me.

GETTING A GRIP: 9:23pm EST

Okay — I’m folding laundry, thinking about making kale chips. Starting to feel tired. Sweetie has trained me to have the bed time of a nine year old, so I’m starting to fade a little. Have champagne in the fridge – hope I survive the election/stress to drink it.

I mean, I get it.  Hillary’s people got the vote out–and so there are a LOT of votes to count.  Early returns suck because Democratic strong holds are often in the cities, which have the biggest populations—and naturally therefore take the longest to count. So you sit there biting your nails while it looks like the republicans have it all sewn up.

Just checked the internet and read that Clinton could still win without FL. Whew. Have eaten all the cookies in the house.  Have just remembered that what “I read it on the internet” is not really knowledge.

ON EDGE OF HEART PALPITATIONS 9:38pm

Why didn’t I listen to ALEXA DAY and watch LUKE CAGE or THE CROWN instead? Why? Why? Why?

I roll through CNN, MSNBC, NBC, whatever is on Twitter — tonight it’s BUZZFEED (??) and FIVETHIRTYEIGHT.  🙁  I keep muting off one and flying to the other.  Very aware that their agenda is to *make news* and if this means keeping us on the edge of our seat then they will do that and do it well.  So they’re no help at all, is what I’m trying to say.

And NBC is talking to Glenn Beck.  I can’t even.  The mute button is on.

LOSING MY RELIGION, 10:16pm

WHAT THE F*CK IS GOING ON IN FLORIDA???? This is killing me.

F**king FBI.  F**king emails.

I brood on how deep the vein of misogyny goes in our rural counties. I can’t take any commentary.  She just took New Mexico.  I’m staring at the map on CNN willing everything to turn blue.

Grieving here.  Let’s go through the stages:

Disbelief. Yes. It was supposed to be easier than this.

Anger.  Very much so, yes.

I’m at bargaining at this point.

I SWEAR to the heavens that when Hillary wins, I will never ever EVER take it for granted again that a candidate I really, really, want to win will do so with no help from me other than voting.

I SWEAR I will volunteer at least sixty hours per major presidential election to help my candidate. Hillary, when she’s up for re-election, and whomever after that.

I shudder to think of what happens if things go the other way.  I am not going there.  I am not.

I’m going to check back in at 11pm.  If I live that long.

It’s Trump 167 to Clinton 131 right now. I try to calm myself in the face of chuckling newscasters–because oh, boy, you all would just love that wouldn’t you, mass media–some huge upset, some last minute dramatic turn of events. 

This is what I was thinking to calm myself:

When they say Florida is 95% in and where are the numbers going to come from? –actually, there ARE still numbers that can come in.  These are just projections.  There are voters out there standing in long lines.  They’re going to vote.  They haven’t finished tabulating.

Our state just went for Clinton.  Whew. We did our bit.  I would not have been able to live with myself if it didn’t.  I really wouldn’t.

Time to build the bomb shelter and go live in it for four years. 11:03 EST

She just jumped to 190.  I’m looking around–oh, she got California.

Me: “Hey, Clinton got Hawaii!”

Sweetie: “Why’s that exciting?”

Me: “I don’t know, I’m just excited about anything at this point.”

Everyone on fb is suddenly unhappy Sweetie says. 11:05pm 

No, my writer friend tweets: Ruh-roh. He just won North Carolina.

I feel sick.  I feel SO SICK. In my stomach.  Like deep waves of sick.

From the NYTimes. E tu, Brute?

From the NYTimes. E tu, Brute?

The bonds market just plunged & the Asian stock market is in free fall.  11:30pm est

My writer friend tweeted me: Goodbye abortion rights. Goodbye Planned Parenthood.

We text jokes about holding each other’s hair while vomiting.

I text: I’m shocked about Utah. I thought they hated him. 

She says: Apparently not.  Hell, I don’t like her, and I’m a democrat.

She says: We would have won with Bernie.

I text: But when are we going to have a female president? Will we see it in your life time or mine?

She texts: Apparently not.

HOPE IS DYING HARD, BUT NOT COMPLETELY EXTINGUISHED 11:56pm EST 

It’s still possible.  We’re adding and doing the electoral math.  But it’s not looking good.  On the other hand, these are projections.  We’re taking them as gospel.  My hope is that people take the time to add and do the math and count allllllllll the votes.

But we’re feeling just so very, very sick. On the internet, hitting refresh.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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3 Comments

  • Michael
    November 9, 2016 at 9:42 am

    Fun reading your angst as you moved throughout the day and evening. Following the election last night was certainly compelling TV.

    • Madeline Iva
      November 9, 2016 at 9:58 am

      Not used to spilling my guts quite so much over the floor, but if not now then when?
      I’m still gutted. People have been offering a lot of comfort. It helps. Thanks for your comment.

  • Elizabeth SaFleur
    November 9, 2016 at 5:46 pm

    Well, here we are. Fragments have been bouncing around in my head all day. I go between “It’s going to be alright. We’ve been through worse. Right? Right?” to “MotherF*ckWhatTheShiteJustHappenedB*tchF*ckingHellD*mnation.” Something tells me the truth is somewhere in the middle of those two emotions. I think. Maybe.

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