Dear men over forty,
by Isabelle Drake.
I little while back, I had an experience that got me thinking.
While at an intimate party, a guy came up to me and gave me the once over. You know what I’m talking about, that head to toe assessment. While I’m wondering why he didn’t have the decency to at least do that from a distance, so I could politely turn away and save us both additional awkwardness (and in his case some wasted time), he says, “hi.”
Before I finish this story, and get back to to the real point of this post, let me tell you guys, we hate the hi. Here are a woman’s options in response to the hi.
- Be polite and say hi even if we have no interest in continuing the conversation. Most of us pick this, because of societal expectations and all that.
- Say nothing, look away. The risk here is the follow -up hi.
- Say nothing, snarl obviously, look away. Result, being bummed or annoyed that we had to act that way just to be left alone.
You’re thinking, what if she likes me? Wants me to say “hi”? If she likes you, don’t waste time on the hi. Just start talking. Bonus, if she doesn’t like you like that, she may be happy to chat about whatever it is you’ve just brought up.
Ok. Off that soap box and back to my party story then on to the soap box I came here to actually get up on.
After I reply with my polite hi, he asks me, “Are you here with anyone?” Me: yes. Him: Who? Me, pointing to my date, that guy. Him: The big one? Me thinking, yeah, at 6’4″ and 220, I guess he’s big: Yes. He gives my date that once over, then, I guess deciding I’m not worth getting punched in the face by the big guy, shrugs, says not a single word, then walks off. Seriously? No, this isn’t the only time this sort of thing has happened.
So, gents over forty, have you ever wondered why your wife/girlfriend/office romance/favorite barista and every other reasonable woman in your life reads super hot books with to-die-for heroes?
Aside from the fact that these books rock, it might be because these women miss days when a man spent more than three minutes trying to get their attention, seduce them, and get them into bed. I know, at forty+ it may seem like there isn’t time to waste on sexy getting-to-know-you conversation and that split-second too-long-to-be-polite stares might not net a night of sex, but I’m here to tell you, the night of sex you do after putting in some effort will be much, much better for it.
Contrast these approaches:
Approach A. You see a woman at a bar that you think is hot so you go right up to her. Instead of asking her name, you ask her if she has her own car there. She says yes. Then, you impress her with, “I’m a dentist because I’m good with my hands; want to go to my place? Okay if we take your car?”
Approach B. You see a woman at a bar. You think she’s hot, so you stare at her. She catches you starting and stares back. But then looks away. You move around to the other side of the bar. You stare again. She catches you again, stares back a bit longer, then looks away. You repeat this two more times. You do not get impatient. Instead, you get that her being stared at is turning her on. As a mature guy, you know if she didn’t think you were hot she would not stare back. Finally, when her body language tells you she’d ready to talk–shoulders facing you–you go up and say hi. You tell her your name. You ask her name. Then, you ask her something fun. Note ask – not tell. Why? She does not want to be impressed, she wants to have fun.
Since you are a man, I’ll be direct. Approach B is better.
Married men, you aren’t off the hook. You still can and should seduce your wife, so you too are going to want to go with approach B.
It’s never too late to switch it up and put some effort in. Next time a woman near you is reading something hot and looks up from the page with a misty expression and a soft sigh on her lips, remember what I told you.
Also remember, just because you’re a man doesn’t mean you can’t follow us here at Lady Smut. We’re always here to inform, entertain, and keep everyone–women and men–up to date.
Isabelle Drake writes erotica, erotic romance, urban fantasy, and young adult thrillers.