Getting Off On A Perfectly Fake Man

7 Dec

I’m here for you, baby, however, you want me.

By Elizabeth Shore

If you’re a guy lusting for an ideal woman who’s agreeable to every pervy thought in your mind, whose body measurements are precisely what you like, and who won’t leave you twisting in terror when she says she wants to “talk,” what do you do? Troll around Tinder? Slap up a posting on Craig’s List? Fuhgeddaboudit! Why go through all that trouble? All you need to do is get yourself a sex doll.

Sex dolls have been servicing men in all their kinky glory for years now, and their realistic look and feel have only gotten better. Which is all well and fine for those among us with x and y chromosomes, but what about the ladies? What are we to do when all we want is to literally get f**ked by a perfect man and not have to deal with post-coitus snoring? Male sex dolls haven’t been available, so apart from hiring a gigolo alternate options were limited. Until now.

Nearly two years ago I blogged about the vajankle, a custom horror movie prop sex toy made by Sinthetics, the world’s leading manufacturer of anatomically accurate sex dolls. Wacked-out vajankle aside, the Sinthetics’ dolls do look (and apparently feel) incredibly realistic. Until recently, the L.A.-based company was solely manufacturing female dolls. But no more! Good news for the gals – male dolls have arrived.

In almost creepy I Sing the Body Electric! style, every male doll is custom made. Owners select eye color, hair color, amount of chest hair, freckles, blemishes, birth marks, tattoos. Do you hunger after Asians? Latinos? Blond hair and blue eyes? Whatever qualities you want are yours for the asking. And the price. To be sure, these boys don’t come cheap. The base price begins at $6,100 and any custom add-ons rack up the final bill. And don’t forget about shipping. That’s an add-on, too.

So is anyone buying these fellas? You betcha! Bronwen Keller, Co-Owner of Sinthetics and in charge of customer service, says that over the past 3-4 months the sales of male dolls have been equal to sales of the gals. And what do the female customers want from their perfect fake man? Common themes Bronwen sees are female clients going for the “boy next door” look, with light chest hair and…wait for it…a big bush! Say what?! You read me right. Apparently guys who keep the garden trimmed but not bald are what the ladies want. They also want some imperfections. Turns out, the perfect guy isn’t perfect. Bronwen says women routinely order freckles, birthmarks, scars, or other “imperfections” to make their perfect guys just right.

Of course, the one thing we haven’t discussed yet and which is, naturally, of utmost importance, is the tool downstairs. How, exactly, does that work on a doll? Is there a pump to get him up when the need arises? Apparently not. Instead, what the male doll has is his own, literal, snap-on tool. Your guy can go from wet noodle to hard granite with a quick flick of the rest. Pop out Mr. Flaccid, pop in Mr. Wood. BJ not required.

So now your fake man is ready to perform. Well, technically speaking, the lady is the one doing the actual performing. Mr. Wood just lies there, ready for his female owner to impale herself on his never-soft battering ram. It’s kind of like having your own sybian except shaped like a man. That doesn’t vibrate.

It all sounds pretty good, and I have to say the dolls look awfully realistic. They’re not, of course, which does raise the question of what kind of woman would want a fake man? And why?

I watched a fascinating short video on Vice done by reporter Karley Sciortino. She visited Sinthetics’ factory and did her best to find women who’d purchased a male doll to talk on camera about their experience. According to the video she had a hard time – until she found adult film actress Jessica Ryan. Jessica recently purchased her own male doll and is one happy customer. But, ah, she’s an adult film actress, so….

The thing with Jessica, according to the video, is that she’s engaged in a long-distance relationship. She’s tried f**k buddies, but they’re either too distant or grow too attached, neither of which she wants. Enter Mr. Silicon, who fulfills her need “for a dick, without being a dick.” Well put, Jessica.

What do you think? Is a made-to-order man in your future or do you stay old school and stick with the kind who breathe? Let us know in the comments and be sure to follow us at Lady Smut, where our posts will always be 100% real.

Elizabeth Shore writes both contemporary and historical erotic romance. Her newest book is an erotic historical novella, Desire Rising, from The Wild Rose Press. Other releases include Hot Bayou Nights and The Lady Smut Book of Dark Desires

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2 Responses to “Getting Off On A Perfectly Fake Man”

  1. Madeline Iva December 7, 2016 at 11:58 am #

    And if you wanna know more about the guys who buy dolls, here’s our own Rachel Kramer Bussel’s blog post all about that: https://ladysmut.com/2015/05/15/the-human-side-of-sex-dolls/

    ALSO — though it’s not *quite* the same, but it’s definitely a great film — check out LARS AND THE REAL GIRL. With Ryan Gosling. It’s a GREAT film about acceptance. Lurv!!!!

    Like

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  1. Sex Robot Anxiety: Alexa, Why Can’t We Have Nice Things? | Lady Smut - January 10, 2017

    […] is changing the game. Elizabeth Shore wrote about them last month. They’re featured in a Vice Video, where the host Karley Sciortino commissions a sex doll named […]

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