New Year, New Man, New Approach
Happy new year, Sexies! Candles are all blown out on the old year and we’ve lit them brightly for the new one. Adios 2017. Helloooo 2018. How ya doin?
If you’re anything like me, when the commercials come on for whatever TV marathon stuff-your-face-while-in-jammies fest you happen to be watching on new year’s day, you start to ponder. What will the new year bring? New job? New book contract? New slim body? New president?? (one can dream). Or, if you’re like one of my very best girlfriends, hope springs eternal for a new man in the new year.
For many the new year is time for change, which makes it the opportune moment to shed that frustrating loser you’ve been dating and get yourself a real man. Sound familiar? If so, you’re not alone. Onine dating sites see anywhere from a 20 to 60 percent spike in usage during the first month of the year. But for my girlfriend, whom I’ll call Destiny, looking for a new man isn’t just something she does as the calendar turns to January. It’s what she does throughout the year, every year.
Destiny wants love more than she wants health insurance (she has none, but don’t tell), or money (very little), or any other fill-in-the-blank aspirational juggernaut that many of us strive for. Not my Destiny. Forget that other nonsense! Her hope, above all else, is to find her soulmate. Her lover. Her man. The guy with whom she can laugh, and grow old, and love above all others. In her heart of hearts she believes he’s out there; she just has to find him. There is one little catch, however, Destiny’s pool of candidates is pretty selective. It’s not the whole xy 35-55 age range across the globe type deal. Oh, no. Oh, hell no. Destiny’s future man must be tall, dark, and handsome. Literally. ‘Cause for her forever man, she’ll only consider African American guys. Why? It’s who she’s physically attracted to.
Trust me, I get the attraction thing. Let’s say you’re sitting with your besties at a bar and two hot dudes walk in. One’s a tall, fit, blond Swedish-type guy, and the other’s his equal except he’s Latin. Who ya gonna choose? Or maybe it’s more accurate to say, who’s nature gonna choose for you? We all have our types, right? And we can’t help who we’re attracted to, right? It’s nature!
Well, hold on there, pardner. The good folks at Psychology Today have something to say about that. Evolution definitely plays a part in desire. By nature, men are drawn toward women who appear fertile. Emphasis on appear. Even if your childbearing days are far in the rearview mirror, looking young and youthful – as marketers in the annual $64 billion U.S. cosmetics industry are quick to point out – is a must for attracting a mate. The same is true for women toward men. Statistically speaking, we’re far more attracted to strong men who seem like they can provide and protect. It’s evolutionary, my dear.
But what about that whole “type” thing? The fact that Destiny will only consider African American guys. I admire her eternal optimism, but it does seem as if she’s vastly limiting her prospects, no? What if she met a ginger, average height, average looks, but super funny and a fabulous supporter and provider guy, for whom kids and family are equally important for him as they are for her? If she writes him off without a speck of consideration there’s every danger she’s missing out on an amazing future mate.
The Psychology Today article, “Laws of Attraction,” says that when people state they have a type, what they really mean is they have a “preference.” You’d prefer a brunette to a blond, for example, if you could paint a picture of your ultimate guy. But being stuck on a type limits your opportunity for love. Instead, advises Psychology Today, date yourself out of it. Broaden your range. Take chances. Consider potential partners who don’t at first glance make you swoon. What they might do, in the long run, is make you fall in love.
So cheers to 2018 and to expanding our worlds. I’ll drink to that. Happy new year, everyone!
Elizabeth Shore writes contemporary and historical erotic romance. She’s the author of Hot Bayou Nights, Desire Rising, The Lady Smut Book of Dark Desires and (as Liz Madison) Season of Splendor and With His Promise. Her next release, Hot Bayou Fire, the second in the Bayou series, will be out in 2018. Release date announced as soon as it’s known.