Archive by Author

“Exploited” Bikini Babes Serving Coffee?

22 Mar

By Elizabeth Shore

If you ever find yourself in Kent, Washington and are hankering for a cuppa joe, you could head over to the local Starbucks or Peet’s Coffee. They’re as tried and true as the day is long. Coffee and a pastry and you’re good to go. But what if the same ol same ol isn’t your style? What if, for example, you like cleavage with your coffee? Some pasties with your pastries? Well, fear not, friends. There’s a place for that, too. Introducing Bikini Beans Espresso. As their logo states, “Coffee’s never been this HOT!”

Bikini Beans, as you’ll see from their Instagram page, is far from a normal coffee shop. To start, even the name is a bit of a misnomer. Bikinis? Not entirely. Pasties are the preferred form of “on top” adornment for the servers, with bikinis strictly relegated to the nether lands. Male baristas? Fuhgeddaboudit! Babes only, please. And those babes include owner, Carlie Jo, who isn’t shy about splashing pics of herself all over social media.

In addition to promoting the shop, Carlie Jo stated in an article in The Sun that being a Bikini Beans barista is empowering. “We have the right to work with grace, confidence and dignity,” she states, “regardless if it’s in a business suit, scrubs, or a bikini.” Right on, Carlie Jo. Not everyone, however, shares her views. A councilman in Spokane, Washington has been trying to push forward legislation around limits at bikini coffee stands popping up around the state. Just what exactly those “limits” are isn’t clear, but one can surmise they’re related to puttin’ on some more clothes. Some moms in the area, as shown in this ABC news report, share the councilman’s views.

The councilman states that his proposed legislation is “for the children,” as well as trying to curb the exploitation of women. However, a female barista at Bare Beans Espresso, another bikini coffee stand in the Spokane area, states emphatically that she feels neither demeaned nor exploited. In a YouTube video about the controversy surrounding these risqué coffee stands, store manager and barista Allison seems to share Carlie Jo’s views in feeling “empowered” by working in little more than pasties and a string bikini bottom. And she adds, “No one is forcing me to work here. I choose to.”

That, perhaps, is the rub. By definition, exploitation occurs when someone uses or takes advantage of another person without regard for that person’s interests. The Cambridge Dictionary defines it this way: “to use someone unfairly for your own advantage.” In that vein, can it accurately be said that women working at the bikini coffee shops are victims of exploitation? How about waitresses at Hooters? Beautiful women on magazine covers? The unifying feature is that they’re willing participants. Making the argument that someone is being exploited becomes problematic when the person wants and chooses to do what he or she is doing.

The other primary concern around the coffee bikini shops is from some who feel it’s inappropriate for kids to see scantily dressed baristas. Yet I wonder if those same concerned parents keep their kids safely hidden from the beach? The community pool? Lots of skin in those places. Is this protecting kids, or is it reinforcing the same tired message that the human body is shameful and best covered up.

For the record, there was a male-staffed bikini coffee stand in Washington called Banana Hammock. Hot beefcake dudes either shirtless or clad only in suspenders were serving up hot brews and awesome views to what appeared to be a primarily female clientele. Did the male baristas feel exploited? Demeaned? Apparently, we’ll never know. Yelp is reporting that the Banana Hammock went bust. Same with another place called Hot Cup of Joe. Women went there, according to the posted reviews, but not enough of them. Hot Cup of Joe has been rebranded Whip It A-Latte and is now staffed with…you guessed it…bikini-clad female baristas.

So prevalent are the bikini barista coffee shops in Washington and surrounding area that there’s even an online guide so you know where to go for sizzle with your steamed milk. But if cleavage and coffee isn’t your thing, there’s always Starbucks.

Elizabeth Shore writes both contemporary and historical erotic romance. Her newest book is an erotic historical novella, Desire Rising, from The Wild Rose Press. Other releases include Hot Bayou Nights and The Lady Smut Book of Dark Desires

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Spank Me! Pull My Hair! But He Says, “No.”

15 Mar

By Elizabeth Shore

In Madison, Wisconsin there’s a great hard rock radio station, WJJO, which, thanks to the internet, I can still listen to despite no longer living in the midwest. What I like about JJO, apart from the music, are the morning DJs.

Johnny, Greg, and Biatch (hey, I didn’t make it up) are unapologetically raunchy and laugh-out-loud funny. Their morning show includes everything from topical commentary on whatever’s in the news to the daily “fake at 8,” in which a woman calls in to fake an orgasm and win concert tickets if her “performance” gets a thumbs up from listeners. Every Monday morning, Mr. Skin gives his update on nude celebrities in TV and film, and every Tuesday and Thursday morning is the “Sex Fix.” A listener calls in to discuss a sexual conundrum he or she is dealing with and the morning crew lends their best advice.

Last week a female listener called in because she’s stressing over a compatibility issue with her boyfriend. His definition of “rough sex,” which is what she wants, is to land a few polite slaps on her bum and increase his pace. Her definition is to be choked, have her hair pulled, her ass smacked, and even, she said, “maybe draw a little blood” from biting. Just a little bit different.

The morning crew’s advice was for her to ease him into her kinky world by taking the bull by the horns and doing to him what she wants done to her. Start out slowly, they advised. Maybe tie him up and gently tease him with a flogger before venturing into the more intense territory she really wants. That said, they did caution that if he just doesn’t get turned on by her BDSM ways she may have to decide whether the relationship will ultimately work. A conundrum indeed.

If you do a web search on “sexual incompatibility” there are, as with most searches, an endless amount of information on the topic – good, bad, or nothin’ but fake news. Plenty of therapists offer their advice, but one of the best articles I’ve come across was one from a few years ago from dating advisor/coach and blogger Dr. NerdLove, who – as he clearly states – isn’t a real doctor. However, if you don’t know him, check out his blog. His sound advice is sprinkled with compassion and he’s amassed quite a following.

In a post he wrote back in 2014 about sexual compatibility he raised some excellent points, beginning with the culture that shapes our sexual views in the first place.

Even in the 21st century, we live in a profoundly sex-negative culture – just one that likes to think that it’s progressive. Our sexual education system is at best a glorified anatomy lesson; at worst, it’s a collection of lies and deliberate misinformation designed to (theoretically) keep children from having sex ever. We tell women to be sexy but not sexual – to be desirable but to not feel desire – while men are told that their worth depends upon as much sex as possible, setting men and women up for an inevitable conflict. Even the concept of making sure everybody is an eager participant is a new and radical concept.

…When we complain about being dissatisfied with our sex-lives then you risk plunging head-first into a wall of razor-sharp judgment from just about everyone around you. If the sexual dissatisfaction doesn’t conform to a very specific narrative… well, you’re really being selfish at best and a perv at worst.

Faced with the potential of harsh judgment, many couples choose to stay silent. Who wants to risk being viewed as a perv by one’s spouse if said perviness is deemed an undesireable trait? Better just to STFU, be thankful for what you do have and suffer in silence. Right?

Wrong. As NerdLove points out, “sex is a part of the relationship. It’s not something that can be excised when it’s inconvenient.” Having your needs in the bedroom unfulfilled will affect the relationship as a whole. Sexual incompatibility is one of the most common reasons why relationships end. No surprise that it’s an issue rarely tackled in romance novels. Who wants to read about that icky reality? Better to have your H&H happily f**king like bunnies whenever and wherever the mood (mutually) strikes.

But in the real world, as Dr. NerdLove reminds us, compromise is key. No one’s going to be a perfect sexual match. You may differ on drive, desire, or even views on fidelity and monogamy. Working out how to deal with those differences is what’ll get you to that mutual happy place.

And speaking of happy places, join LadySmut bloggers at the RT Booklovers Convention May 3-7, especially at our super special reader event – Never Have You Ever, Ever, Ever. Win crowns, toys, books and more. Goodybags to first 100 people in line! A raffle will be held for a big basket of books for all. Event: Wednesday, May 3 at 1:30 p.m. Link: https://www.rtconvention.com/ event/never-have-you-ever- ever-ever

Elizabeth Shore writes both contemporary and historical erotic romance. Her newest book is an erotic historical novella, Desire Rising, from The Wild Rose Press. Other releases include Hot Bayou Nights and The Lady Smut Book of Dark Desires

 

 

 

 

Dancing In A Cage And Other Fantasy Jobs

8 Mar

Looking sexy and dancing in a cage

By Elizabeth Shore

In my day job, I talk to a lot of people who come in my office just to vent. They plop down in the chair across my desk, lips ready to explode with frustration, and let it all out. I listen and nod and offer whatever guidance I can, but mostly they’re not looking for advice, they simply want a sounding board. They need to know that someone out there in day job world actually isn’t an insane corporate soul sucking lunatic nightmare but rather someone who’s well-balanced. Rational. Someone who actually gives two cents about what happens to them. That’s me. In the daytime world.

Once several years ago an exasperated employee who held a very senior-level job gave me a call. After ranting about this or that for several minutes he said to me, “I mean, f**k it, I’m like everyone else. Sometimes all I want is to just be a bicycle messenger.” That conversation stuck in my mind because I knew exactly how he felt. When Monday through Friday means spending essentially every waking minute imprisoned in the mind-numbing world of a corporate day job, your mind starts drifting into fantasy land. You envision how much better life would seem if only you could be a ____ (fill in the blank).

The guy who called me wanted to be a bicycle messenger. He said he’d get his exercise in every day, feel great about being outside, and – most importantly – not be stuck behind a desk and computer. That actually does sound pretty darn good. But for myself, I envision something a bit more…titillating. More decadent. And I’m not talking about writing erotic romance. I already do that, and love it, but since it actually is part of my reality it doesn’t count. No, friends. When I’m secretly thinking about my fantasy day job, it’s all about dancing in a cage.

This idea first took root when I saw a rock video featuring cage dancers. Well, it actually featured the band, but my focus wasn’t on the screaming lead singer or the heavily tattooed drummer. I don’t even remember who the band was, because for me it was all about the babes in the cage. Like this girl:

 

See, I want to be her. Gorgeous, fit, with moves and a body to match. She’s not in the least intimidated by the photographer getting up close and personal as he’s snapping shots. No way. She’s working it, baby. Smiling and dancing, swishing her hair and looking beautiful without a care in the world. And that’s me! Or so goes my fantasy. Why in a cage? Why not in a cage! It brings out the sexy, prowling animal in us all. Well, in me, anyway.

If one were to actually talk to that girl, we might find out she was paid all of a hundred dollars for that little dancing gig and that it’s the only one she booked that month. She might be living in a studio apartment with three other girls and having to share a single hamburger between them – mostly to stay thin, but also because it’s all any one of them can afford. She also might not be particularly educated. (Just sayin’. It’s only a guess). Global matters or an appreciation for art or literature may be denied my young beautiful cage dancer. But that’s not part of the fantasy. No way. My cage-dancing fantasy life also includes possessing intellectual horsepower and enough money so I don’t have to stress about finances. Cool, right?

I looked up what the top fantasy jobs were for other folks. A poll in the online U.K.’s The Telegraph posed the question to British workers, and their top fantasy was to be a pilot. Those big dreamin’ Brits! Pilots was followed by charity workers and writers. A poll over at Ranker lists movie critic as top fantasy job. But totaljobs.com is singing my tune. The number one job on their list is rock star. Yeah! As Nickelback front man Chad Kroeger sings in Rockstar, “well we all wanna be big rockstars, and live in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars.” Exactly.

Of course, if you’ve really got it going on, you can be a cage dancer and a rock star. Like Shakira in her She Wolf video.

 

Now, that’s what I call a fantasy.

How about you? Cage dancer? Pilot? Or something completely different. Make your fantasies a reality – at least on paper – and tell us about it in the comments below.

Elizabeth Shore writes both contemporary and historical erotic romance. Her newest book is an erotic historical novella, Desire Rising, from The Wild Rose Press. Other releases include Hot Bayou Nights and The Lady Smut Book of Dark Desires

 

 

If You’re An Alpha Female Looking For Love You’re Totally Doomed

1 Mar

By Elizabeth Shore

Are you an alpha female? Do you, for instance, always need to be right? Are you a perfectionist or overachiever? Are you a drill sergeant?

If you’ve answered yes to one or more of these questions, you are, according to author and frequent Fox news contributor Suzanne Venker, an alpha female. And if you’re an alpha female, and you happen to be married, well, good luck with that, honey. Your marriage is screwed.

See, according to Venker – the niece of rabid conservative anti-feminist Phyllis Schlafly – in her new book, The Alpha Female’s Guide to Love and Marriage, “If you took the alpha wife quiz and determined you’re an alpha, I have some news that at first will be hard to swallow: you’re going to have to cede control. If you don’t, your marriage or relationship will continue to be one giant fight.”

Yowza! That sounds ominous. I don’t want a bad relationship. Or “one giant fight.” Who does? Well, apparently, all those evil feminists, that’s who. Feminists are the cause of all relationship ills. Did you know that? Me, neither. But Venker’s book includes former Fox news anchor E.D. Hill’s assertion that her need for self-reliance led to a “power struggle” with her husband and that, “along with other issues” (who knows what those were), led to her divorce. This leads Venker to the following conclusion:

“Thanks to feminism, this ‘power struggle’ Hill describes is par for the course. Women today are effectively at war with the men in their lives, sometimes unknowingly. Even women who don’t consider themselves feminist have a feminist mind and as a result don’t understand men and marriage. The idea that the sexes are “equal,” as in the same, has supplanted what past generations have always known: that men and women are vastly different creatures. And that dismissing those differences makes marriage hell.”

Huh. So, wow. There’s a revelation for you, right? Men and women are vastly different creatures. Who knew! Well, apparently only past generations and not the dim-witted alpha females of today. So asserts Ms. Venker. And if you’re not bright enough to acknowledge those differences – and cede all control, let’s not forget that – then you’ve just punched your ticket to relationship purgatory. Take that, alpha female.

But, wait. About that quiz…above I only pulled out 3 of the 13 questions that help you determine whether you’re an alpha female. To help you out, the whole quiz is listed below, taken directly from Suzanne Venker’s website:

  • Do you feel nervous or out of control when you’re not the one in charge?
  • Are you a perfectionist or an overachiever?
  • Do you sometimes feel superior to your husband, as though he needs you to show him how to do things? (How to dress, what to say, how to grocery shop, how to parent, etc.)
  • Do you take your everyday frustrations out on your husband as though he’s the cause of those frustrations?
  • Do you generally expect your husband to go along with your plans, as opposed to the other way around?
  • When you listen to your husband, are you immediately formulating a response in your head before he’s finished speaking?
  • Do you roll your eyes when your husband says something with which you disagree or disapprove?
  • Do you frequently contradict your husband? (If your answer is no, would your husband agree?)
  • Are you a drill sergeant?
  • Do you tease your husband in front of others in a manner that could be construed as disrespectful?
  • Do you need to be right?
  • Do you frequently interrupt your husband or talk over him, even in public? (If your answer is no, would your husband agree?)
  • Does your marriage feel like one giant power struggle? (If your answer is no, would your husband agree?)

The more questions to which you answer in the affirmative, says, Venker, the more alpha you are. Well, hold on there, missy. Here’s my quibble with the damn quiz. In my world, if someone publically humiliates her spouse, or frequently contradicts him, or rolls her eyes when he’s speaking, I wouldn’t call her an alpha female. I’d call her an a**hole. Behaving like that isn’t asserting your alpha, it’s just being rude. Call me crazy, but to me an alpha female is a strong, confident, hard-working woman who knows what she wants and has the courage to pursue it. You know, kinda like an alpha man.

Some additional relationship insight from Ms. Venker: “insisting that a woman doesn’t need a man is a terrible precedent for marriage.” Again, I’ve gotta disagree with you there, Suz. I don’t think the basis for a good marriage is “needing” a man. I think it’s wanting him. Wanting the love, respect, support, and partnership that we should all receive in a relationship. Isn’t that the reason for having one in the first place? What it doesn’t mean is having to “cede” all control and letting the man always be in charge. Sometimes he is; sometimes you are. You find the balance that works for you both.

Elizabeth Shore writes both contemporary and historical erotic romance. Her newest book is an erotic historical novella, Desire Rising, from The Wild Rose Press. Other releases include Hot Bayou Nights and The Lady Smut Book of Dark Desires

 

 

 

Perfecting Your Skills At BJ School

22 Feb

By Elizabeth Shore

If forced to guess, most of us wouldn’t be hard pressed to figure out that the majority of guys out there like a good blow job. In fact, according to a survey at LoveMatters.com, over 70% of men prefer fellatio to actual intercourse.

70%!

With that glaring statistic, perfecting the technique when “heading” (heh) down south seems to make a lot of sense. Whether it’s to service your real life man, or to ensure the heroine in your book knows exactly what she’s doing, how better to “bone up” on your skills than by taking some lessons at Blow Job School. After all, if you want to learn a new language, or perfect your cooking techique, you wouldn’t hesitate to take a lesson or two, right? The same approach applies to mastering the knob job. Playing the skin flute. Licking the lollypop. And so on.

A few years ago, writer Rebecca Holman wrote a fascinating piece for The Telegraph about her experience going to sex school. She was there with about 10 other women, all there to learn the art of giving a really great blow job. Her class was called “Playing the Flute with Master Dominic,” taught, as you rightly guessed, by a Dominant named Dominic. As Rebecca writes in the article, which you can read here in its entirety, “…as I get older, it occurs to me that my refusal to make any effort in bed probably isn’t going to cut it.” Ergo, why not get some lessons?

Holman also noted, possibly due in part to the popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey, that she sensed a feeling of sexual empowerment among the women in the workshop. Something she feels wouldn’t have occurred say twenty years ago. The coordinator of the workshop agrees. She’s quoted in the article as saying, “People are talking more openly about sex than they were before. Women, in particular, are feeling more empowered to be sexy and also to dominate.”

So, good. Right? Nothing wrong with a little girl power and getting your sexy on. Yet questions abound! What, exactly, do they teach in blow job school? How does said teaching occur? Wonder no more, my friends. Thanks to the good peeps over at The Huffington Post, (along with my own good peep who pointed out the article to me in the first place), a compilation from sex educators and others is at our finger tips.

The lessons taught in blow job school are pretty self-evident, but a refresher from time to time never hurts. After all, as any good athlete or Carnegie Hall performer would tell you, practice, practice, practice. And what are you practicing? Why, such sound advice such as:

  • Use your hands along with your mouth
  • Don’t shy away from lube
  • Remember the “boys,” and  – perhaps most importantly –
  • Ask your man what gets him off. What does it take to transport him to happy land? Nirvana to one guy might be waterlogged wood to another, and that certainly could be very deflating (heh) to you both.

At the workshop Holman attended, Master Dominic explained the above and more, and then his teachings were put to practical use by the attendees sucking, licking, and no doubt pleasuring popsicles.

This all sounds great, although I have to wonder how many men would be willing to do the same for their gals? Plenty of them suck when worshipping the honeypot, and I don’t mean in a good way. Some men might feel it’s emasculating to admit they haven’t mastered their oral technique, but to me there’s nothing hotter than lovers – men or women – who aim to please and go out of their way to learn how best to do it.

Elizabeth Shore writes both contemporary and historical erotic romance. Her newest book is an erotic historical novella, Desire Rising, from The Wild Rose Press. Other releases include Hot Bayou Nights and The Lady Smut Book of Dark Desires

 

 

 

Valentine’s Day Wisdom From A Cover Model

8 Feb

By Elizabeth Shore

So here we are at the time of year when flower vendors, chocolatiers, and jewelers all lick their chops in anticipation of cash register glory. That’s right, my friends. Love it or hate it, we’re staring down the road of another Valentine’s Day.

For the loveless out there, it can be a bleak day. No special someone to take them out to dinner, bring flowers, or simply tell them how special they are. No one sprinkling rose petals on the bed or shining moonbeams in the eyes. Grim indeed! If you’ve vowed that next Valentine’s Day will not consist of eating Chinese take-out alone while binge watching Grey’s Anatomy, you’re in luck. Romance’s top cover model, Jason Aaron Baca, recently offered his tips to writer Gersh Kuntzman for how to get the girl. If you see a guy putting this sage advice into action, you’ll know he’s trying to make the moves and can respond accordingly.

First thing’s first. Be confident. Jason sure is! On the covers of romance novels, he says, he’s the “ultimate object of desire.” So all he has to do to attract a lady is stay in character. At the gym working those pecs, while grocery shopping to nourish that bod, when flexing hard on the set of a shoot, Jason maintains the cool and confident. You’ve been forewarned. If a guy approaches you with a swagger that would make John Wayne proud, know that he’s just playing it cool and keeping in character.

If this gets your heart thumping and your interest soaring, Jason says we women need to be the ones to initiate contact. You see a guy who looks too cool for school? Go up to him and start asking questions. This will show him he’s caught your eye. However, don’t be put off if he stays guarded, ’cause that’s another of Jason’s tips for getting the girl: don’t reveal too much. See? Because just being around indicates the guy’s interested. In case you didn’t know. That’s why we’ve got to then be the ones who start the conversation. The man’s job is just to “be there” and flex his pecs to show he’s oozing with confidence. Ah, right. That all makes sense.

Another tidbit of Jason Baca wisdom is for the man to play hard to get. So don’t be discouraged! It’s not that “he’s just not that into you,” as Sex in the City would have us believe, but rather, as Jason puts it, “I like to make sure she’s wondering, “What is this guy thinking? I don’t know if he likes me.” How awesome! We can be delightfully confused with mixed messages as to whether he’s really digging us – and playing hard to get –  or hopes we’d just go away – which is why he’s hard to get. Cause he doesn’t want to be gotten. Or something.

I’m pretty sure that the male readers among us are no doubt taking copious notes and preparing their strategy for how to bag a babe. Yet what if the guy doesn’t have 4% body fat and ripped abs that double as a shaving device like Jason does? What’s the average Jason to do? First off, work out a lot. So there’s that. And second, says Jason, simply envision the studly guy you want to be. “Picture yourself moving towards the woman of your dreams and talking to her and asking her out. And then wake up and do it.”

Go get ’em, guys!

Elizabeth Shore writes both contemporary and historical erotic romance. Her newest book is an erotic historical novella, Desire Rising, from The Wild Rose Press. Other releases include Hot Bayou Nights and The Lady Smut Book of Dark Desires

 

Making A Pitt Stop For Brad

1 Feb

By Elizabeth Shore

In a conversation with my fellow Lady Smutters, we realized – to our dismay! – that in the nearly five years since we’ve had our blog, we’ve never once published anything about Brad Pitt. No gushing about his phenom body in Troy. No acknowledgement of his three Academy award nominations; no props for his humanitarian efforts. Not a Pittance! We’re like the blog version of Oscar voters who’ve snubbed outstanding performances. Well, no more. We’re righting our wrong here and giving a proper Lady Smut shout out to all things Brad.

Lately, of course, the news on Brad has been far from Hollywood sparkly. He’s in the midst of an oft-reported messy divorce from Angelina Jolie, and was charged – although later cleared – of child abuse allegations toward his eldest son. Ach! This is a far cry from the sweet-faced Brad who burst into fame in 1991’s Thelma & Louise playing sexy con man J.D. Although he’d done a fair bit of work prior to that, it was this film that first had our girly bits sitting up and asking, “Who is that?!”

Whether or not you’re a fan of Brad’s acting, it’s hard to find fault with the worthy causes and humanitarian efforts to which he’s donated time and megabucks. He’s been a supporter of causes as diverse as combating AIDS to housing for disaster victims to help for refugees. Both he and Jolie have been outspoken about supporting marriage equality and through their Jolie-Pitt Foundation have donated close to $30 million for “health, education, conservation, and sustainable development efforts,” according to InsidePhilanthropy.com.

All that is awesome of course. But, um, going back to that body…

 

Was this the best movie evah? Negative. Do we care? No we do not. Because, really, why the heck else do you need to watch Troy other than to drool over those giant guns. Those washboard abs. Those ripped pecs. Ahhhh…..

The number one rule of Fight Club is, we can talk about Brad Pitt

No doubt the movies for which Brad Pitt is best know are the Ocean’s movies and, of course, Fight Club. Can you believe that was made all the way back in 1999? Get. Out! Yet it’s true. Hard as it is to believe, the number one rule of getting older is not to talk about getting older. So I won’t dwell on the fact that Fight Club came out 18 years ago, which means kids in high school today weren’t even born then, which means…damn. Which means I need to change the topic.

babel-brad-pittBrad Pitt’s filmography is actually quite varied. He’s been the stud in Troy, the wheeler dealer in Moneyball, the crafty spy in Mr. and Mrs. Smith, which is where, of course, he met Angelina Jolie. But one of my favorite movies of his is much lesser known – and seen – and that’s 2006’s Babel. In it, Brad plays Richard, a man in a troubled marriage to Susan (Cate Blanchett) who goes on vacation to Morocco with his wife to try to work things out. Susan ends up getting accidentally shot, and her shooting and the aftermath are all connected to a series of four interlocking events that come together by the end of the film. Brad Pitt’s acting playing the distraught husband is really first-rate and I found myself enjoying the film and his performance much more than I would have guessed. I had the same reaction when I saw him in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. His performance in that movie was amazing.

Now, admittedly, not all Lady Smutters are swooning over Brad, although our own Alexa Day does cite this amusing introductory speech at an awards ceremony to be, and I quote, “the finest thing he’s ever done.” See for yourself.

 

I’ve mentioned above that we want to correct a fundamental wrong in never once writing about Brat Pitt here at Lady Smut, but how did it all come about? How did we realize the error of our ways? Well, ahem. It’s because stats guru Madeline happened to notice that our top searched for term last week was Brad Pitt smut. Ah…yeah. Brad Pitt smut. And that’s when we realized we have none to share. No Brad Pitt smut whatsoever. Horror of horrors! So with this post we’re correcting it pronto. Oh, and see below. Not necessarily smutty, per se, but I’ll take ’em.

Enjoy! And be sure to follow us at Lady Smut. We’ll give you what you want.

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Stressed At Work? Take A Masturbation Break

25 Jan
Someone needs a break!

Someone needs a break!

By Elizabeth Shore

Although I’m not a smoker, I’ve always felt there’s something appealing about taking a cigarette break at work.

Know what I mean?

You go outside for a few minutes, get some fresh air, and just chill the heck out for a few minutes away from the phone, the computer, and those annoying work mates. It’s a few perfect moments to de-stress. And because it’s so darn perfect, seems like there ought to be a similar work stress break for us non-smokers. Sure, we could go outside as well and just stand there, but somehow not having the ciggie prop to accompany the standing doesn’t seem quite right. So what to do?? Well, according to some doctors, their go-to Rx is to find a private spot and rub out some self love. You read that right. To de-stress at work, they say you should take a masturbation break.

Psychologist and Life Coach Dr. Cliff Arnall, in an article posted in metro.co.uk., says, “I would expect a masturbation policy to result in more focus, less aggression, higher productivity, and more smiling, Certainly taking a masturbation break for boredom or an escape would increase work focus.”

I like the way you think, Cliff! After all, in corporate lingo, masturbation breaks seem like the perfect “win-win” situation. They’re healthy for the employee since she’ll be more relaxed and better able to focus on work, and healthy for the company because a happy employee is a productive employee. Anyone see a problem here?

Not Hot Octopuss. Last year the sex toy maker debuted its inaugural “masturbation booth” on 28th street and 5th avenue in NYC and claims to have had 100 men take full advantage of it on its debut day. Success like that surely means expansion, right? Right on! Hot Octopuss says it’ll be setting up more self-love booths in other major cities across the globe, so stayed tuned. Of courose, what I want to know is, where are booths for the women?

There are some religious groups, of course, who want nothing whatsoever to do with “pleasures of the flesh.” Porn-free.org states that masturbation, “opens the door to the deceiving influences of lust.” Sounds serious. However, there is a possibility that the masturbation break at work could potentially lead to sexual harassment situations. Or hostile workplace environments. For instance, if employees started bringing in their favorite skin mags as a way to “inspire” them during their breaks and then accidentally left them lying around. Or worse yet, asked a fellow employee to be the source of inspiration. If the solo becomes a duo, then inappropriate workplace behavior become an HR nightmare just waiting to happen.

Those concerns aside, the masturbation break is, literally, just what the doctor ordered as a way to de-stress. Apparently plenty of workers have already jumped on that bandwagon. A Time Out New York poll had 39 percent of male respondents confessing to doing the deed, and a 2012 Glamour magazine poll put the figure at 31 percent of all workers.

What do you think? Are you in on the masturbation break at work, or is it better to keep work and play separate? Let us know in the comments, and be sure to follow us at Lady Smut, where our posts are always a nice break. No lube required.

Why You’re Not Cruising Down The Threeway Freeway

18 Jan

By Elizabeth Shore

Over the past almost five years now, we’ve written our handful of posts on ménages here at Lady Smut. Madeline Iva has covered both zombie ménage and vampire ménage, and she and Elisabeth SaFleur have written about it from Charlotte Stein‘s point of view. We’ve also had my post on a friend’s recollection of her real-life ménage. If all these threeway fun play posts have gotten you in a mood to dabble in the world of ménage, then how come you’re not cookin’ up a bacon samie of your own? Because, as we’ve learned, it’s damned hard.

A friend recently  hipped me up to an interesting article in the New York Post about the challenges of morphing your ménage fantasy into real-life slap and tickle among you and two lusty partners. On the surface it seems as if it wouldn’t be all that tough to find a willing partner or partners to make the ménage fantasy happen. You’ll see it listed on those top ten lists of women’s fantasies plastered all over the internet. A ménage is kind of like a Miss Texas contestant in a beauty pageant – almost always among the finalists. So in theory, with so many people allegedly lusting for three-ways, finding a partner would be like finding a vibrator. Just take your pick from among the many available. But according to the article, it’s not that easy.

If you think about it, it’s hard enough finding one person with whom you want to have sex multiple times. Sure, you can do a quick hook-up on Tinder for an easy one-nighter, but inevitably it’s just a single night for a reason. Getting the chemistry right is work, and it does indeed require you to kiss a lot of frogs before finding a prince. Or even just someone normal. On top of that, if you’re wanting to add a third person to the mix, now you’ve got two people – you and your partner – who both have preferences for what they like and want in the additional person.

Introducing the concept of a “unicorn” – a bisexual person who joins an existing couple’s relationship – can be an exciting way to add spice. The unicorn can theoretically make that ménage fantasy come true without damaging a couple’s foundation. Kind of a real-life sex toy with no emotional strings attached. Except that the unicorn is, in fact, a live person with his or her (often a her, though not always) own set of feelings and needs. In an article in marie claire, a woman who served as a sexual unicorn ended up getting involved with the husband behind the wife’s back and ultimately tossed aside when it became too complicated. Talk about being the ultimate third wheel.

But the NY Post article interviewed several women who’ve served as unicorns for which the experience has been positive. They cite several reasons: the ability to please and tease both men and women (assuming the ménage is M/F/F and the unicorn is a woman); it’s flattering to be wanted by not one but two people; it allows for the ability to be a pleaser, to make other’s fantasies come true; and it allows one to have intimacy but not the jealousy that can often come when an additional person invades a traditional couple relationship. If you’re just “servicing” the couple, you’re not going to be jealous. Or so it’s supposed to go.

But the downside, as noted earlier, is that unicorns do have feelings and they do have needs. If involvement in a relationship turns emotional but the emotional needs aren’t being met, that’s going to be nothing but a complicated world of hurt. The woman in the marie claire article had that very thing happen to her. She and the husband began developing feelings for one another, but his desire not to leave his wife meant she was eventually kicked to the curb. And the unicorn herself didn’t want only the husband, she wanted the package deal. Since the wife no longer desired it, the unicorn misses out.

So what to do? How do you have a successful threeway? An article at greatist.com offers sage advice, including establishing ground rules and having an exit strategy. And don’t forget about the needs of your unicorn. They’re not just there to serve as glorified toys. Take these tips and you’ll soon learn that unicorns aren’t just fantasies.

What do you say, oh reader? Would you have a threeway? Would you serve as a unicorn? Let us know in the comments below, and don’t forget to sign up for our Lady Smut newsletter. Free stories and fun stuff you won’t get from the blog alone. Go ahead, hit that little pink button. You know you want to.

Elizabeth Shore writes both contemporary and historical erotic romance. Her newest book is an erotic historical novella, Desire Rising, from The Wild Rose Press. Other releases include Hot Bayou Nights and The Lady Smut Book of Dark Desires

 

 

Big Brother Censoring You

11 Jan

Don’t look, it’s not good for you

By Elizabeth Shore

Isn’t it nice that nowadays porn viewing can be simple and discreet? No need to truck on down to a seedy video store and rent tapes while ignoring the cashier’s smirking face. Or, worse yet, slink into some stained-filled booth and watch videos in semi-public. With the age of the internet, it’s a piece of cake! One’s porn viewing can be done in the privacy of home. Just launch your browser and go to town. Oh, wait. Maybe not if you live in South Carolina.

Palmetto-state dwellers can watch porn on their computers, too, but if a certain legislator has his way, that might change. Residents will still be able to do it – as long as they pay for permission. State Rep Bill Chumley (R) has put forth a bill that would require all new computers sold in the state to come pre-installed with porn-blocking software. Don’t want it, you say? You like watching naked people online? Good news – that pesky software can be removed as long as you ante-up a $20 fee.

Admittedly, $20 bucks isn’t much, and the money would go toward the state attorney general’s efforts toward anti-sex trafficking. Rep Chumley, who says this is an issue he’s “pretty passionate about,” says the blocker would prevent kids from accessing obscene material or from being exploited themselves (just how that would work Rep Chumley hasn’t elaborated on, but it sounds good). So, in other words, Chumley’s “pretty passionate” about state-sponsored censorship.

This all might sound like a whole lotta public shaming, but South Carolina’s not alone in their war against porn. In April last year, Utah officially declared porn a “public health crisis” by passing a resolution declaring that porn is “evil, degrading, addictive, and harmful” and hoping the resolution will work to unite communities in trying to stop it. After all, if it’s a public health crisis, like obesity, for example, than surely it must be costing communities tons o’ money in lost revenue, right? Except that studies are conflicted as to whether viewing pornography – even at a young age – has a detrimental physical or psychological effect, and therefore it’s unclear what “public health costs” pornography brings about. Details!

Aside from the legislation publically shaming new computer buyers into having to admit they want their porn, the whole issue of free speech comes into play. Isn’t blocking an expression of something equivalent to blocking the right to express it? Courts in the past have struck down proposed laws to block porn, citing First Amendment rights, but South Carolina’s Chumley says  the concern isn’t based on morality or free speech. It’s corrupting people! That’s why it must be blocked.

Exactly what will come of this legislation, if anything, remains to be seen. Nowadays porn is everywhere and filters or not, getting it for free is as easy as a couple clicks of the mouse. According to an article in The Washington Post, porn trafficking website Pornhub had one of its biggest years ever in 2015, so the appetite for porn has only increased. But that seems to be the very reason congressmen (and yes, it’s men behind the legislation), are passionate about starting conversations around the evil ills of porn – because it is indeed so ubiquitous.

Public health hazard? Evil ill of society? Cool thing that millions want? The debate against porn rages on, which is exactly what legislators say is the aim of their resolution: to get people talking about porn.

So…do you like a little government with your porn? Does the South Carolina porn blocking resolution make sense? Sound off in the comments below, and be sure to follow us at Lady Smut, where we’ve always got ways to get people talking.

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