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Lady Smut Book of Dark Desires

9 Nov

Click to buy it.

Hello Kittens! Cold? Unhappy? Wet? If you’re looking for fun on a grey rainy day, well, our anthology is on sale alllllllllll over the place for only $1.99.

Read about sexy goblins and Tech-savvy vampires.

Cavort with Gods locked up in spooky places and solve the mystery of where the girl with sexsomnia goes at night and who she’s doing it with.

Choose a link to the online book store of your choice:


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Beautiful Scotland

18 Aug

by C. Margery Kempe

I am madly hitting deadlines and packing up to change countries again (alas) so in meanwhile here are some photos to let you see what I’ll be missing.

2015-08-10 11.37.16 2015-08-10 11.44.16 2015-08-10 11.50.46 2015-08-10 11.59.06 2015-08-10 12.01.22 2015-08-10 12.01.58 2015-08-10 12.30.57 2015-08-10 13.54.20 2015-08-10 13.55.06 2015-08-10 14.29.42 2015-08-09 13.17.10 2015-08-09 15.00.37 2015-08-09 15.00.21 2015-08-09 15.00.00

Where Do You Draw the Line?

4 Aug

Screen Shot 2015-08-03 at 5.02.41 PMby C. Margery Kempe

No, no, I’m not talking about our bizarre sexual practices, I’m talking about something superficial for once. Clothes: yes, that’s right. People have been sharing this link to horrible 70s clothes and I have been having flashbacks. So where do draw the line? What’s the one item of clothing that you cannot take in a potential date?

• Eye-scorching shirt/blouse

• Cheap suit

• Tacky trousers

• Novelty socks

• Hideous accessories

• Nitwit knitwear

• Colours not found in Nature

What would you vote for? If you need inspiration, check out those 40 Cringeworthy Fashion ads. Vote early and often. Let’s hear your worst experiences!

Follow Lady Smut: we don’t do leisure suits.

Confidence is Sexy

21 Jul

I am crazy busy as usual (writing under so many names!). The joy of my summers is that I have a looser schedule than when I am teaching (never mind that I am in Scotland instead of New York, so very very happy). So many good things are happening — spending time with my family, seeing friends here and there, reading (such a luxury!) and of course, writing lots.

There are always times when confidence slips away, but at present I am soaring high [knocks wood]. It’s amazing how much easier everything is when you’re confident. Hurdles are jumped, delays laughed at and problems simply provide new routes to success (would that it could always be thus). Because much of my viewing is chosen by a wee lady, this is the song of my confidence at present:

I guess it’s part of being a certain age but rock-n-roll equates with confidence in my head. I know other people might imagine being dressed to the nines, or wheeling and dealing behind a desk, but I imagine it to be strutting across a stage, wowing an audience — holding them in the palm of your hand as they scream and sing along. It was the way to break out of poverty into riches, it was the way to get people to hear the words they had ignored. It was the way to scream, ‘I am sexy, dammit!’ even if you were not conventionally pretty.

Because what it comes down to is confidence: believe you are sexy and act the part on stage — even if the stage is just your local coffee shop, or in the pages of your books. Truth is, you are awesome as you wanna be!

Follow Lady Smut: we’re awesome too. And check out this great box set I’m part of inspired by Duran Duran. Nine novellas for just 99¢ — such a bargain! Pre-order now.

Come Undone Twitter pre-order

Magically Sexy: Strange & Norrell

7 Jul

I hear that Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell has made it over to the other side of the pond now, so I want to say a few things about how much I love this show. I’m reading the novel now and it’s one of those rare cases where the pleasure of the programme increases the pleasure of the reading. It hits all the marks for me because it’s magical and historical with a stellar cast — and costuming. I’ve already found several tumblrs that go crazy over the clothes.

Bertie Carvel plays Jonathan Stange and is just about as dashing a magician as you could wish, though perhaps the most attractive thing about him is how he dotes on his singular wife, Arabella (played by Charlotte Riley whom made a great Catherine Earnshaw opposite Tom Hardy’s Heathcliffe). I said on Twitter that I’d love to see an offshoot series, Arabella Strange Learns the Language of Birds. She’s such a terrific character.

It’s a delight to see the machinations of The Gentleman with the thistle down hair as he tries to move people around like chess pieces, though you rather hope that the utterly elegant Stephen Black (played with amazing power by Ariyone Bakare) and poor Lady Pole (Alice Englart) manage to survive. You don’t have to know anything about the period to love the characters, for their plights are totally engaging.

I haven’t mention Mr Norrell yet, have I? He’s played by the absolutely riveting Eddie Marsan. But he’s a bit of a fusspot to be honest. Not that I don’t totally envy his library with great drooling desire. And I completely identify with his preference for books to people and parties.

But I feel more in tune with Strange’s trust of his intuition and enjoy his cheerful buoyant optimism in the face of all kinds of adversity — and there is adversity to spare in this tale. Here’s to practical magicians in preference to theoretical ones!

Oh, but I haven’t got to the most appealing character, have I? Well, let me now turn to the curmudgeonly, gruff, unpolished, Northerner (of course 😉 ) Childermass. He’s nominally Norrell’s servant, but he’s so much more. The horrible Londoners who bewitch the magician overlook him at their peril. It is the power of the ignored to see so much more. I’d gladly spent an evening in a rundown pub with Childermass and his hand drawn tarot cards than with the finest of the ton in London. But that’s me.

Are you on Goodreads? Join the Lady Smut crew there and enter to win one of four copies of The Lady Smut Book of Dark Desires. Hurry, time’s running out! And always follow us — we have such sights to show you…

Sexy Saturday Round-Up

27 Jun

By Liz Everly and the Lady Smut Bloggers

Click to buy at Amazon. :)

Click to buy at Amazon. 🙂

Hello, Sexy! Welcome to your Saturday! As usual the Lady Smut Bloggers have been scouring the Internets to bring you fascinating blog posts.


From Liz:

Retire the hand job?

Using body language in your writing.

Skinny jeans land a woman in the hospital.

From CMK:
The Dirty Secret of a Legendary Rare Book

Air Sex Championships: Men & Women Simulate Their Favorite Positions

Parents Lose Custody Just for Being Kinky

From Elizabeth Shore

Couples everywhere rejoice! U.S. Supreme Court says same-sex marriage is legal nationwide.

Women reveal their very favorite sex toys – and how to use them.

Get your butt on that treadmill! The couch potato lifestyle is killing us.

From Madeline:

10 Selfies We’re No Longer Allowed to Take

Women in science respond to Nobel prize winning asshat.

Taboo topics women don’t talk about.

That’s Mr. Saldana to you — Zoe Saldana’s husband takes her last name–and he’s just fine with that.

New York Times discusses The Joy of Just the Right Amount of Sex

From Cosmo: What it’s like to free bleed during your period.

Stay Hungry,


Duran Duran Returns!

16 Jun
Photo credit: Stephanie Pistel

Photo credit: Stephanie Pistel

I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in ecstasy. Duran Duran announced on Twitter that they will have a new album and tour starting this month in Spain, eventually meandering across the US and then finishing up in Britain. While my tastes veer more toward punk than the New Romantics, I was there at the start of MTV’s influential run, so I have a soft spot for the Double D boys, largely because their Russell Mulcahey videos were a lot of fun and usually pretty sexy, too.

Who can forget the overheated theatrics of ‘Hungry Like The Wolf’? I know ‘This is Planet Earth’ was before that but honestly, it was just a bit too silly and too far on the lace and ruffles side of the New Romantic playbook. HLTW really took advantage of the Sri Lankan setting and a vaguely Raiders of the Lost Ark vibe as well as the new network’s desire to break in new music: according to an article Wikipedia links to, they played it four times a day! Repetition works.


But it was more than that: there’s a little bit of everything in the song:

The lyrics were inspired by Little Red Riding Hood,[3] and the repeating of the word “do” at the end of each verse takes its melody from the instrumentals in Gordon Lightfoot‘s song “If You Could Read My Mind“.[6] Andy Taylor worked out a Marc Bolan-ish guitar part, a very Marshall-sounding Les Paul guitar lick that was added to the track. Then the bass and drums were added, and the whole track was finished that day, including Le Bon’s vocal melody and lyrics.[3] The laugh at the beginning of the song and the screams during the song’s fade-out were performed and recorded live by Rhodes’ girlfriend at the time.[7]

The visuals are the most effective part especially in the new music channel: like the best music videos, it offered a tantalizing glimpse into another world. Le Bon’s Indiana Jones-like character really wanted that vaguely cat-like woman (played by model Sheila Ming) very badly. It all seemed so new and wild back then. It also set the bar high for music videos — at least for a time. Simple performance videos weren’t enough: it was time for high concept.

For Duran Duran the ultimate in that regard might have been the William Burroughs-influenced ‘Wild Boys’ and Mulcahey’s million-dollar video, an unheard of amount at that time which shows you just how far things had gone. Mulcahey wanted to film the whole of Burroughs’ novel as a feature length film but found few to support the idea. The band appeared in costumes and scenery reminiscent of  the second Mad Max film but the video got curtailed for a shorter radio edit of the song.


What bands do you want to see tour again? Who would get your teenage heart beating again? Or do you fear disappointment in finding the wild boys of your youth have become middle-aged?

Follow Lady Smut: we never age! And we’re giving away a copy of our Dark Desires.

The Romance Writer’s Secret

2 Jun

It is a truth universally acknowledged that romance writers are not romantic.

Wait! Is that a lie? Oh, I don’t know! I’ll admit that I was thinking about the portrayals of romance writers often by writers in other genres. Not manly men writers who think all women who write romance are frivolous, empty-headed and unrealistic — like a lot of the crime guys I know who are comfortable suburbanite dads who write about killing sprees, gritty drug dealers and serial murders which are totally realistic in their lives.

I’m reading Barbara Pym on a whim because I realised despite binging on her books when I first discovered her back in the 90s, I had not read Less Than Angels which is about academics, so perfect for me. And I’ve been mostly reading very dark crime stuff, so change of pace. Though Pym is often compared to Austen for all the good reasons, as Salley Vickers points out in the introduction, she really has a lot more in common with Kingsley Amis, particularly in this novel.

Pym has a dry humour that builds through characters. She skewers people so deftly they seldom feel the barb. “Academic toilers,” one character asserts, “do not understand the art of being fashionably late.” Indeed, “the hands of the library clock were barely pointing to six when a mass of people seemed almost to hurl through the door.” It adds to the amusement that the academics are all anthropologists studying ‘primitive’ cultures, while Pym studies theirs.

The best character of course is the romance and ‘women’s magazines’ writer, Catherine Oliphant. A lot of the story comes from her perspective and she’s so odd and funny (and often unappreciated by others especially men, who find her somewhat scandalous because she says what she thinks). Pym’s perspective is equally direct: “There are few experiences more boring and painful for a woman than an evening spent in the company of one man when she is longing to be with another.”

Catherine finds people react oddly to her being a writer: “‘So you write? Stories, Deirdre told us.’ Her tone was a little uncertain for she had never met a writer before. She had heard that either they hated you to mention their profession or were offended if you didn’t.” But she’s no more confident in talking about her work, as Pym tells us, “adopting the rather derogatory tone behind which writers sometimes hide from the scorn and mockery of the world.”

But she makes a living at it — in contrast to the starving students and shabby genteel poverty of the faculty. Catherine offers outrageous opinions to suburban folks, who in their typically British way are reluctant to admit to being appalled. “Yes, of course women do think the worst of each other,” Catherine tells one ‘uncomfortable’ woman, “perhaps because only they can know what they are capable of.” She lives an unconventional life and though it is not without heartache, she’s also more realistic and thus adventurous.

The young student Deirdre, in contrast, falls head over heels and only gradually begins to realise the difficulty of real love — and disappointments. “Women so often find themselves examining a man’s books, trying to find something intelligent to say about them, and even at nineteen Deirdre was beginning to get her share of it.”

Pym isn’t exactly romance, although there is a lot of jockeying for romance in her books. They are laugh out loud funny at the most unexpected moments. But she has a deep understanding and love for romance and romantic tendencies. Her characters quote poems by Donne, Barrett and Shelley, and she refers to Austen’s Anne Elliot and even quotes her words about how women do not have the luxury of forgetting so quickly, then briskly informs us of the character, “Elaine was not much of a reader…which was just as well, even if she missed the consolation and pain of coming upon her feelings expressed for her in such moving words.”

Pym may not be romantic, but she loves romance.

If you love romance on the sexy side, be sure to follow Lady Smut — and don’t forget to enter to win Dark Desires!

We’re Warming Up For Summer!

17 May
Doesn't everyone have a pre-summer beach practice run?

Doesn’t everyone have a pre-summer beach practice run?

Hey there, neighbors!

The ladies of Lady Smut are taking a bit of a vacation this week, in order to properly prepare for the summer. There’s just so much to do. Scheduling pedicures. Shopping for sundresses. Popsicle-licking classes. The annual changing of the cabana boys. (That one might be just me, but if you’re interested, you know where to find me.) We’ll be back in time for Memorial Day, though, with loads of summer fun to keep everyone hot and bothered in the coolest possible way.

While we’re gone, consider this a week-long open house. Check out the Shop and some of our most recent posts. And enjoy one of my favorite summertime anthems.

(A lot of so-called “official” videos of this song are only four minutes long. Just think that over, little lobsters.)

Get ahead of the game, and hit that Follow button now. See you soon!

Don’t forget to head over to Goodreads and get in the drawing for a copy of The Lady Smut Book of Dark DesiresYou need some hot beach reading.

Back to Scotland

12 May

IMAG0154Hurrah, hurrah, the day is here. Semester is over and I am heading back to Dundee. You will hear the biggest sigh when I get there. But rushing through grading, another writers conference, sorting, packing, making lists so I don’t forget anything essential hasn’t left much time for blogging, so apologies.

It’s not like this for the swallows who return to Capistrano!

But one thing to be sure to mention: if you’re on Goodreads, pop over there now and be sure to join our giveaway so you could be one of the four lucky people who will win a copy of The Lady Smut Book of Dark Desires.

And always, follow Lady Smut because we know what’s sexy (Scotland? Sexy!).

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