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Why You’re Not Cruising Down The Threeway Freeway

18 Jan

By Elizabeth Shore

Over the past almost five years now, we’ve written our handful of posts on ménages here at Lady Smut. Madeline Iva has covered both zombie ménage and vampire ménage, and she and Elisabeth SaFleur have written about it from Charlotte Stein‘s point of view. We’ve also had my post on a friend’s recollection of her real-life ménage. If all these threeway fun play posts have gotten you in a mood to dabble in the world of ménage, then how come you’re not cookin’ up a bacon samie of your own? Because, as we’ve learned, it’s damned hard.

A friend recently  hipped me up to an interesting article in the New York Post about the challenges of morphing your ménage fantasy into real-life slap and tickle among you and two lusty partners. On the surface it seems as if it wouldn’t be all that tough to find a willing partner or partners to make the ménage fantasy happen. You’ll see it listed on those top ten lists of women’s fantasies plastered all over the internet. A ménage is kind of like a Miss Texas contestant in a beauty pageant – almost always among the finalists. So in theory, with so many people allegedly lusting for three-ways, finding a partner would be like finding a vibrator. Just take your pick from among the many available. But according to the article, it’s not that easy.

If you think about it, it’s hard enough finding one person with whom you want to have sex multiple times. Sure, you can do a quick hook-up on Tinder for an easy one-nighter, but inevitably it’s just a single night for a reason. Getting the chemistry right is work, and it does indeed require you to kiss a lot of frogs before finding a prince. Or even just someone normal. On top of that, if you’re wanting to add a third person to the mix, now you’ve got two people – you and your partner – who both have preferences for what they like and want in the additional person.

Introducing the concept of a “unicorn” – a bisexual person who joins an existing couple’s relationship – can be an exciting way to add spice. The unicorn can theoretically make that ménage fantasy come true without damaging a couple’s foundation. Kind of a real-life sex toy with no emotional strings attached. Except that the unicorn is, in fact, a live person with his or her (often a her, though not always) own set of feelings and needs. In an article in marie claire, a woman who served as a sexual unicorn ended up getting involved with the husband behind the wife’s back and ultimately tossed aside when it became too complicated. Talk about being the ultimate third wheel.

But the NY Post article interviewed several women who’ve served as unicorns for which the experience has been positive. They cite several reasons: the ability to please and tease both men and women (assuming the ménage is M/F/F and the unicorn is a woman); it’s flattering to be wanted by not one but two people; it allows for the ability to be a pleaser, to make other’s fantasies come true; and it allows one to have intimacy but not the jealousy that can often come when an additional person invades a traditional couple relationship. If you’re just “servicing” the couple, you’re not going to be jealous. Or so it’s supposed to go.

But the downside, as noted earlier, is that unicorns do have feelings and they do have needs. If involvement in a relationship turns emotional but the emotional needs aren’t being met, that’s going to be nothing but a complicated world of hurt. The woman in the marie claire article had that very thing happen to her. She and the husband began developing feelings for one another, but his desire not to leave his wife meant she was eventually kicked to the curb. And the unicorn herself didn’t want only the husband, she wanted the package deal. Since the wife no longer desired it, the unicorn misses out.

So what to do? How do you have a successful threeway? An article at greatist.com offers sage advice, including establishing ground rules and having an exit strategy. And don’t forget about the needs of your unicorn. They’re not just there to serve as glorified toys. Take these tips and you’ll soon learn that unicorns aren’t just fantasies.

What do you say, oh reader? Would you have a threeway? Would you serve as a unicorn? Let us know in the comments below, and don’t forget to sign up for our Lady Smut newsletter. Free stories and fun stuff you won’t get from the blog alone. Go ahead, hit that little pink button. You know you want to.

Elizabeth Shore writes both contemporary and historical erotic romance. Her newest book is an erotic historical novella, Desire Rising, from The Wild Rose Press. Other releases include Hot Bayou Nights and The Lady Smut Book of Dark Desires

 

 

Fantasies and the Married Woman: A Guest Post by Karen Booth

22 Aug

by Karen Booth

Note from Kiersten: It’s theme week here at Lady Smut as we celebrate the release of Lady Smut blogger Elizabeth Sa Fleur’s novel Perfect, the newest installment in her Elite Doms of Washington series.

Click on image to buy!

Click on image to buy!

Isabella Santos married the wrong man. After her husband’s death, fate gives her a second chance to connect with her perfect Master—Mark Santos, the brother of her late husband.

To herald the arrival of Perfect, we’ll be talking this week about second chances, committed relationships, venturing into new (sexual) experiences, and lots of other tasty treats served up Lady Smut style. Author Karen Booth was game to join us this week and delve into the fantasies of married woman–because they’re married, not blind or dead. Welcome Karen!

If you read and believe Cosmo magazine, even we married women spend our day sitting around, mulling over our sexual fantasies, and then when nighttime comes, we just say, “Hey, honey. You know what I’ve always wanted to do?” And our partner says, “Hell yes. Let’s do THAT. Now.” And he takes off his clothes and has perfect abs and we do it in the front yard in front of the neighbors and start a sexual revolution in the suburbs.

Except I know for a fact that it doesn’t work like that.

A few years ago, I wrote an erotic novella called Love Plus One. It’s about a couple that decides to start pushing boundaries in the bedroom after nearly a decade of marriage. Olivia, the heroine, is frustrated as hell. Between kids and career and the house, sex has taken a back seat. Being a sex kitten, a wife, and a mom is hard—I don’t know that men realize what a difficult mental shift that can be. A little help, please. Sex with her husband, Brian, used to curl her toes. Now he’s hardly mussing up her hair.

I wrote the book in part, because I have lived this frustration. Lots of people have. Let me just put KIDS in all-caps because that’s where things really started to go south for me, as much as I love the (now not-so little) buggers. It’s next to impossible to feel sexy when you’re exhausted. The only thing you want happening in bed is sleep. Your body is mushy in new places. Your spouse has seen your body do amazing, impossibly unsexy, things. Things like breasts, which used to be strictly for fun, become utilitarian.

Making things new and exciting after that is not easy. We want to connect with our partner. Walls have been torn down. We have a new closeness. I know how to fix this! Talking! Now is the time to really tell the other person what you want, quite possibly the thing you’ve always wanted but never had the guts to admit. You love each other. You care about each other. This will totally work.

Yeah. Not so easy. Especially if you’re like me—shy.

But Karen, you write sexy books.

Yep, yep. I know. Still shy.

Unless I’m writing a book or over-sharing with my girlfriends after one too many cocktails, being verbal about sex does not come naturally to me at all. I’m a writer. Show, don’t tell. Show me what you want. I’m not talking. Much. Dems da rules.

I know for a fact that I’m not alone. And it’s not just women who have a hard time asking.

Which led me to the second reason I wrote this book. Brian has a fantasy he’s never shared, something he has kept locked up in his handsome head for years. He might never have shared it, but Olivia has forced the issue. That’s what we do, right? She wants him back in charge and she told him so. She wants to know what he wants. The answer? He wants to watch Olivia with another man.

Now, I wouldn’t describe Brian as shy, but there’s a real reason why he never brought it up and I think it’s one that a lot of us can relate to. What happens if you divulge your deepest, darkest fantasy and your spouse or partner is abhorred? Disgusted? And you have to look at them every morning over coffee for the rest of your life?

The other part of the equation is that he doesn’t quite understand why he has this fantasy. Luckily, Olivia has reached the point where she just wants to tear down walls left and right. You can only push a woman so far. They talk about it, and he eventually sorts out what it is about this scenario that is such a turn-on, and it’s not what Olivia thought.

Fantasies are like snowflakes. Most of us don’t know why we’re turned on by certain scenarios or situations, we only know that we are. It’s one thing to acknowledge these fantasies in the first place. Oh wait, I do want to do it with four guys at once. For example. It’s quite another thing to be vocal about it.

It’s tough to admit a fantasy, especially in the context of a relationship. At what point is it okay to bring it up? At the beginning, when you really like someone, you’re worried about looking bad or bringing about the end of your time with this amazing person you found. You know what she wanted? She wanted to do it with four guys. For example.

As things get more serious, well, they get more serious. There’s more on the line. You’re terrified you’re going to mess up. And then there’s just the practical side of things—after ten years, you’re telling me you want to try THAT? Where did you even learn about that? Have you been thinking about this the whole time we’ve been together?

It’s a Catch-22 unlike any other. The closer you get, the more time you spend together, the more you trust and (hopefully) love each other. It should get easier to share your deepest, darkest desires. But at that point, you love this person more than anything, and it feels risky. What if this is the one thing that crosses the line for them?

It’s scary stuff. And if it’s not scary for you, and you are the Sir Edmund Hillary of sexual exploration, that’s awesome. The rest of us are still figuring this out. The point is, the person we love most might not be as open as we need them to be. Or…they might be. So, maybe it’s best to take the leap, hope to hell that love gets us through it, and try to get what we want. The rewards might be pretty spectacular.

Click on image to buy!

Click on image to buy!

Karen Booth is a Midwestern girl transplanted in the South, raised on ‘80s music, Judy Blume, and the films of John Hughes. She writes sexy contemporary big-city romance. Love Plus One is one of three erotic romances included in her new erotic bundle (not a euphemism), Hot Nights, Big City. Learn more at her website http://www.karenbooth.net and follow her on Twitter and Facebook.

Thank you, Karen, for joining our theme week here at Lady Smut! Be sure to check out Karen’s new novella Love Plus One in the erotic romance novel bundle Hot Nights, Big City.

Love Plus One
Eager to reclaim a passionate past, Brian Saunders whisks his wife, Olivia, off to Manhattan to pursue the fantasy he’s never revealed—he wants another man to pleasure her while he watches. Olivia never imagined her husband was concocting this scenario in his handsome head, nor did she imagine he’d choose Michael, their mutual, smoking hot friend, to help him out. Venturing into uncharted waters, Brian must contend with a heady mix of envy and arousal while Olivia surrenders to a man who’s fired up to have his chance with her. When three becomes two again, Brian’s only desire is to reclaim his stake on his wife and Olivia can’t wait to give him everything that’s his.

Follow Lady Smut. We’ll give you all the fantasies you can think of…and some you never would.

 

 

Modern Lust: A Lady Smut Guest Post With Cara McKenna

11 Jul

 by Cara McKenna

cara mckenna head shot

Today’s guest poster, erotic romance author Cara McKenna

“Nobody really dates anymore. You just fuck a load of randos you meet on the internet until eventually you wake up married to whichever one bothered to make you breakfast.”

This wisdom from the heroine’s roommate in Downtown Devil. But let’s back up a moment.

I met my husband on the internet, back in 2007.

I was twenty-eight and an online dating veteran by then, and I have nothing bad to say about the practice (nothing that couldn’t also be said for analog dating, anyhow.) I met some friends, some boyfriends, some fond flash-in-the-pan* lovers, and of course, a spouse. I had dinner or drinks or played darts with a few duds and a few flakes, but no true creepers, and nothing bad happened to me, apart from a couple squandered evenings.**

A lot’s changed in the past nine years, right alongside technology. I mean, the iPhone was released the same year I met my husband. At the time, most of us were still texting on flip-phones by hitting the 2 key three times to type a C, and any photos the technologically advanced were able to take and send were as big as a postage stamp and as blurry as a frosted shower door and probably cost the object of your affections 40¢ to receive.

I won’t lie. If my husband dematerialized tomorrow and—after an appropriate mourning period—I was to jump back into the online dating pool, I think I’d be terrified. Even me, a former varsity-level participant.

Is sexting now compulsory, I wonder? If I joined Tindr and refused to send guys pictures of my knockers, would I even be able to compete? If my greatest strength had always been my ability to craft a charming introductory email, is that skill all but obsolete, now? Are we all just a profile picture and a witty tagline these days? Is it really true that there’s a lot of dudes holding fish in their photos?

I hope I never need find out the answers to these scaly questions.

Then again, maybe this is all just internalized anxiety from some hand-wringy New York Times article I’ve forgotten I read.

downton devil

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The closest I come these days to wading out into the choppy and largely pixelated dating waters is through my characters, and most of them still meet in a fictionalized version of real life. Even in my latest book, Downtown Devil, Clare meets Mica at the coffee shop where he’s employed as the world’s hottest barista. But from there, I strapped in and joined her on a journey I’m not sure I’d be brave enough to undertake, myself—dating in 2016.

In some ways, Mica is a dream come true. He’s charismatic, sexy, fearless, exciting, and forward—helpful when you’re not the type to make the first move. But he’s also my personal worst nightmare in this make-believe reality in which I’d be dating in the present day. He’s a flake and a player, and only texts or calls poor Clare when he’s DTF (eds by Kiersten: aka “Down to Fuck”). But the sex is so bonkers, she’s powerless to say no. Plus she doesn’t think she’s after anything serious, so what’s the harm?

I’d like to think I’d be liberated enough to enjoy Mica for what he is, but I dunno. Punctuality is REALLY sexy, in my opinion.

Before you panic—Downtown Devil is a ménage, and the second man, Vaughn, is as chivalrous and reliable and considerate as Mica is self-serving. I had fun wedging Clare (often literally) between the old-school gentleman and the modern-day man-whore.

I won’t tell you what happens—whether she comes to her senses and finally cuts flaky-hot*** Mica loose, or if she manages to reform him, or if all three of them ride off into the sunset together. But it was really interesting to put myself in her shoes and navigate this modern dating landscape, where plans are made last-minute via text; where you know the guy you’re into could easily be scrolling Tindr an hour after you’ve left his place; where a date can feel so incendiary, so hot and chemical and right, and then…crickets. Nothing from the guy for days and days on end. Do you break down and text him first? If so, what do you say? How casual do you spin it? And how long do you wait before you DO break down, and…? And? AND?

God bless you kids currently finding your way in this brave new world. I’ve been off the market for nine years, and I guess I’m an old lady now, because it sounds exhausting. I mean, the excitement of all that variety in the palm of your hand would probably be a thrill for a few days or weeks, but all the same, just thinking about it makes me want to stay in with a bottle of wine and a Silicon Valley marathon.

Nonetheless, I’ll continue to giddily explore it all from my lofty author perch. In fact, in the final Sins in the City series installment, Midtown Masters, the three lovers do indeed meet online. In FACT, the second man solicits the other two protagonists to do web-camming for him. So never let it be said that I’m afraid to play tourist in the land of digital debauchery. Not from the safety of my keyboard, anyhow.

*As a public service I Googled the origin of the term “flash in the pan,” realizing I had no clue what its literal meaning is. It doesn’t even have to do with gold glinting in a prospector’s pan, which apparently many people assume it does—people more clever than me, even if they’re wrong. Turns out, “Flintlock muskets used to have small pans to hold charges of gunpowder. An attempt to fire the musket in which the gunpowder flared up without a bullet being fired was a ‘flash in the pan’.” You’re welcome!

**My least enjoyable entanglement involved a nymphomaniac with a glass eye. How this has not made it into an erotic romance is a mystery for the ages.

crosstown crush

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*** like a biscuit, only with a wang.

Don’t miss the first book in the Sins in the City series, Crosstown Crush!

Cara McKenna writes award-winning contemporary romance and smart erotica, sometimes under the name Meg Maguire, and has sold more than thirty-five novels and novellas to Penguin, Harlequin, Samhain, and Signet Eclipse. She’s known for writing no-nonsense, working-class heroes with capable hands and lousy grammar. She is a 2015 RITA Award finalist, a 2014 Romantic Times Reviewers’ Choice Award winner, a 2013 and 2011 Romantic Times Reviewers’ Choice Award nominee, and a 2010 Golden Heart finalist. Cara writes full-time and lives in the Pacific Northwest with her own bearded hero.

Hey Folks, don’t forget to follow Lady Smut, and if you lurv Cara McKenna like we do, you might want to check out these other LadySmut links that are all about her books and our mad girl crush over them — Madeline Iva

Cara McKenna, Rocking My World

Why This Short Read by Cara McKenna Is So Awesome

Cara McKenna has written one of those Books We Can’t Stop Thinking About

Talking About Watching People Do It & Cara McKenna’s Book Crosstown Crush

Cara McKenna’s No Holds Barred Sexy Fighter

Stuff Your Holiday Stocking With This Read by Cara McKenna

More on Cara McKenna’s Crosstown Crush & The Problem of Cheaters Cheating

Talking about Cara McKenna’s book Hard Time & Love Letters

 

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