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Perfecting Your Skills At BJ School

22 Feb

By Elizabeth Shore

If forced to guess, most of us wouldn’t be hard pressed to figure out that the majority of guys out there like a good blow job. In fact, according to a survey at LoveMatters.com, over 70% of men prefer fellatio to actual intercourse.

70%!

With that glaring statistic, perfecting the technique when “heading” (heh) down south seems to make a lot of sense. Whether it’s to service your real life man, or to ensure the heroine in your book knows exactly what she’s doing, how better to “bone up” on your skills than by taking some lessons at Blow Job School. After all, if you want to learn a new language, or perfect your cooking techique, you wouldn’t hesitate to take a lesson or two, right? The same approach applies to mastering the knob job. Playing the skin flute. Licking the lollypop. And so on.

A few years ago, writer Rebecca Holman wrote a fascinating piece for The Telegraph about her experience going to sex school. She was there with about 10 other women, all there to learn the art of giving a really great blow job. Her class was called “Playing the Flute with Master Dominic,” taught, as you rightly guessed, by a Dominant named Dominic. As Rebecca writes in the article, which you can read here in its entirety, “…as I get older, it occurs to me that my refusal to make any effort in bed probably isn’t going to cut it.” Ergo, why not get some lessons?

Holman also noted, possibly due in part to the popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey, that she sensed a feeling of sexual empowerment among the women in the workshop. Something she feels wouldn’t have occurred say twenty years ago. The coordinator of the workshop agrees. She’s quoted in the article as saying, “People are talking more openly about sex than they were before. Women, in particular, are feeling more empowered to be sexy and also to dominate.”

So, good. Right? Nothing wrong with a little girl power and getting your sexy on. Yet questions abound! What, exactly, do they teach in blow job school? How does said teaching occur? Wonder no more, my friends. Thanks to the good peeps over at The Huffington Post, (along with my own good peep who pointed out the article to me in the first place), a compilation from sex educators and others is at our finger tips.

The lessons taught in blow job school are pretty self-evident, but a refresher from time to time never hurts. After all, as any good athlete or Carnegie Hall performer would tell you, practice, practice, practice. And what are you practicing? Why, such sound advice such as:

  • Use your hands along with your mouth
  • Don’t shy away from lube
  • Remember the “boys,” and  – perhaps most importantly –
  • Ask your man what gets him off. What does it take to transport him to happy land? Nirvana to one guy might be waterlogged wood to another, and that certainly could be very deflating (heh) to you both.

At the workshop Holman attended, Master Dominic explained the above and more, and then his teachings were put to practical use by the attendees sucking, licking, and no doubt pleasuring popsicles.

This all sounds great, although I have to wonder how many men would be willing to do the same for their gals? Plenty of them suck when worshipping the honeypot, and I don’t mean in a good way. Some men might feel it’s emasculating to admit they haven’t mastered their oral technique, but to me there’s nothing hotter than lovers – men or women – who aim to please and go out of their way to learn how best to do it.

Elizabeth Shore writes both contemporary and historical erotic romance. Her newest book is an erotic historical novella, Desire Rising, from The Wild Rose Press. Other releases include Hot Bayou Nights and The Lady Smut Book of Dark Desires

 

 

 

Real Life Christian Grey Talks BDSM & Fifty Shades

15 Feb

Hello readers!  We have a guest post for you today from A.C. Rose–an interview republished TheThreeTomatoes.com. Find out more about A.C. Rose’s writing and her book about 50 Shades at her website. Check out her facebook group 50 Shades of Grey Fans.unnamed

Shades of Al Daltrey: Talking About BDSM with a Real Life Christian Grey

As “Fifty Shades Darker” plays in theaters around the world women are once again thinking of Christian Grey, BDSM and sexually dominant males. I felt it my journalistic duty to bring you an interview with a man who knows about it all, first hand.

Al Daltrey is a real life Dom who lives the lifestyle and also writes strong BDSM erotica. His books come with a warning label and are not traditional erotic romances, yet he has gained a following of female fans that appreciate his unapologetic peek into the world of BDSM. You might even say it brings some of them to their knees.

By day, Daltrey dons a suit and tie, and works in marketing. In 2014 he opened his laptop and somewhat accidentally launched a second career as an erotica author, penning his first book, Testing the Submissive. He admits it is “more extreme” than anything he would ever consider doing with a real life submissive, yet readers say the story makes them tingle in all the right places.

There is a line in that book that, to my mind, sums up why women love to read about powerful Alphas. “Experienced and mature dominants always have an understated confidence,” he writes. “There is no need to flaunt their power.” There is something very sexy about men, real and fictional, who own their power.

His second novel, A Condo With Two Views, is written from the point-of-view of both the Dom and the Sub. His most recent books are, Pain, Pleasure, and Purpose: Pleasure (Book One) Pleasure) and Pleasure, Pain or Purpose: Pain (Book Two).They tell the story of three best friends who help each other navigate life, loss and love…and lots of kinky sex. “I poured everything I had into this story,” says the author.

It’s not often you get to pull up a chair and talk to a real life, happily married, sexually dominant male, so we appreciate Al taking the time to answer some of our burning questions.

AC ROSE: What exactly is a male dominant?

AL DALTREY: First, let me say: definitions are not always universal.  Ask 25 people the difference between a liberal and a conservative and you will get 25 different answers. All my answers in this interview are my personal opinion based on my personal experiences. Others in the BDSM lifestyle may disagree, and that is fair.  For this question, I assume you mean a sexual dominant. The simple definition is: a person, male or female, who takes control during consensual sex. The submissive of course, relinquishes that control.

And what is exactly vanilla sex?

Vanilla sex is simply regular, normal, healthy non-BDSM sex.  Or, even more simply…non-kinky sex. It is a term that became popular within the BDSM lifestyle to describe sex between those who are not in the lifestyle.

So from your perspective, can a sexually dominant male enjoy both?

Absolutely.  Personally, I have always loved great vanilla sex. I may practice BDSM, but that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy vanilla sex too. BDSM became the icing on the cake.  In a good healthy sexual relationship, there are nights where a couple wants the lovemaking to be soft, tender and romantic.  Another night, for kinky fun, they might employ bondage and spanking.  The point is, it’s not all or none. There is room for both.

How did you find yourself on this path, personally? And are you currently in a power exchange relationship?

I was born with it. I know that for a fact. Growing up, the fantasies and inclinations were there. That said, for me, consent is key. I do not believe in force, and do not find force arousing in any way.  Today I am very happily married to my beautiful wife.

Female sexual submission is a controversial topic. Some see female submission as a weakness yet many women find role play satisfying and they obviously like reading about it too.

During my lifetime I’ve been lucky enough to meet my fair share of submissive women. And don’t for a minute think these women were weak. Outside the bedroom they were confident, opinionated, gregarious and self-assured. In fact, many of them were successful executives or professionals. At the workplace, they kicked butt. However, inside the bedroom (so to speak) they wanted to feel the strong firm hand of a dominant man taking complete control.

What got you started writing erotic books?

I started writing because of an interest in BDSM, not because of an interest in writing. One day, I flipped open my laptop and starting writing a kinky BDSM story, not really thinking about where it would lead. Soon I had 20 pages, then 40, then 60 and I knew I was on my way to my first novel.  I heard about self-publishing, so cleaned it up and uploaded it onto Amazon. The reaction seemed positive, and soon I had a Street Team on Facebook helping me promote the book.

Erotic romance is a huge now. Do you find as many readers who just want to read about kinky sex for arousal?

In my view, the market for erotic romance novels is far bigger than the “kinky sex for arousal” market.  The latter market scours the internet for sites such as Literotica to get their fix.  There are exceptions of course.  Some novels do well.  But generally, I believe the kinky sex market is remarkably small.

Since you are writing as a sexually dominant male, what do think women hope to learn from your books, and from you?

I worry about that. My books are not intended to “teach” anything about the BDSM lifestyle. They are intended simply as fiction. A story. I worry when people read my books hoping for a glimpse into the real BDSM lifestyle.  My books have a lot of stuff that I don’t condone.  Just like action movies are exaggerated, so are BDSM novels.  People should read my books for fun, not for education.

Is the sex in your novels rough because that is what your readers want?

It’s not that I’m trying to cater to what the reader wants but in storytelling almost everything is exaggerated for dramatic effect. In a cop story we see these wildly spectacular car chases where 10 Police cars chase a car through crowded streets at speeds of 200 mph. In a medical drama the Doctor heroically saves countless lives.  In a sports movie the athlete scores the winning goal with two seconds left.  Think of every single Hollywood movie you know. So, with a BDSM novel, the same applies. The tasks that the submissive must perform are exaggerated for dramatic effect. It’s fantasy. So, in my books, the sex scenes are intensified as is the case in every other genre.

Your reading audience is primarily women. Some would like to turn their vanilla mates into dominant males, or at least get them to experiment. Any advice on getting guys to try new things?

To answer a question like that would take pages, and even then, it varies by person/couple.  I’m not sure I can provide a succinct answer.  There is some information on my blog.  As I say in my blog: not all men are born with a dominant gene. With those men, I’m not sure that there’s any hope.  Those men who have the underlying qualities – at least there’s hope. Someone could probably write an entire book on this, lol.

Do people call you master?

As mentioned, I am happily married and have been for some time. My wife does not call me “Master” no. Nor do we discuss our personal lives in any kind of detail. I can tell you that I have been called “Master,” and it’s actually a lovely feeling. Obviously it is commonly used in a scene, but also it can be a nice endearment among two people who live the lifestyle.  He might say, “Sleep well my little pet,” and she might say, “Goodnight Master.”  Like anything, if terms of endearment are overused they become goofy.  We’ve all been around couples who make us gag because they are so lovey-dovey.  But used properly “Master” can be a great word. I’m not sure if your question was poking fun at the term…but I hold it in high regard.

Learn more about Al Daltrey.

Find Al Daltrey books.

Visit Al Daltrey’s Erotica BDSM virtual community.

A.C. Rose is a love, romance, and entertainment columnist and author of steamy romance books. Her Latest book is AROUSAL

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Only .99. Click to buy.

 

Allison Monroe just got kissed on an elevator.

But she has no time to be distracted by this gorgeous man, with his panty-melting glances and sexy accent. She’s headed to the most important event of her career—a launch party for the new “My Fantasy e-Reader” at Club Kismet, high atop a Manhattan Skyscraper.

She’s determined to forget about the amatory elevator ride.

But Nicolai Petre has other ideas. That kiss confirmed what his grandmother’s vision had already told him—that Allison is his destiny.

He’s determined win her love but has only six days to prove they are meant to be. So he must keep her in a state of… AROUSAL.

We Saw Fifty Shades Darker So You Don’t Have To

11 Feb

by Elizabeth SaFleur & Madeline Iva

Happy Weekend! We’re here to share with you all our thoughts after seeing FIFTY SHADES DARKER at the movie theatre last night. fifty-shades-darker

Madeline: I loved seeing that group of women who all came into the theatre wearing masks. In fact, my role here is to see the film with eyes of love.  To understand why women love it, why it’s so ridiculously successful.

Elizabeth: This blog post also could be titled, Fifty Scenes of Dakota’s Boobs. Or Fifty Shades of Mixed Messages.

Madeline: You’re in a mood this morning.  I can tell.

Elizabeth: I don’t hate the Fifty Shades franchise. I don’t love it either. I’m neutral, though I was really hoping Hollywood did a better job of portraying the lifestyle than they did previously. Of course, I recognized this story, from the get-go, isn’t a BDSM erotic romance at all.

Madeline: I mean, I agree.–But what is it then?

Elizabeth: It’s a story of a man with PTSD from his childhood who channels his angst by engaging in supposed sadism (I don’t think he’s really a sadist, by the way) with submissives. He meets an ordinary girl who sends this man mixed signals. But she would. She’s in her early twenties and still figuring herself out. But, Jesus, the back and forth!

All that chest--and no touching it. I would go mad.

All that chest–and no touching it. I would go mad.

Madeline: Yes, she’s still figuring it all out.  Jackie and I talked about that with the first movie. This is a strong message that’s getting out into the world these days and I applaud it.  You hear that men? Women are not playing games.  They’re not f**king with you.  They’re trying to figure it out, okay? And sometimes it’s not easy.

Elizabeth: I get why people love 50 Shades. Billionaires, mild kinky scenarios—

Madeline: Yay to mild-kink! Or, as I like to call it, Kinky-lite.  We need t-shirts.  I’ll get my people right on that.

Elizabeth: –especially if you’ve not been exposed before. People also love the luxurious settings, a man changed by the love of a woman. That trope is old as the hills.

Madeline Iva: As old as the hills–and yet there are real haters out there.  Haters who love romance, confoundingly.

Elizabeth: I get why people hate it. Bad BDSM benchmark set, a weak(er) story structure and did I mention the mixed signals from both characters?

Madeline: One thing about the mixed messages: I think that the movie makers had to do it the way that they did. They had to be true to the book and in the book, she’s walking away from kink.  On the other hand, what do we want? We want hot sex scenes in the movie! Like we had in the first movie, only different.  They delivered both.  Could they have delivered a movie that had a lot less sex? I don’t think so.

Elizabeth: The PR/Marketing person in me also thought they missed an opportunity to make the movie the best possible thing ever. No excuse! I mean, built-in audience, Hollywood! We had a row of women behind us who came as a group all wearing masks. You can’t buy this kind of loyalty.50-shades-darker-teaser-mask

Madeline: You think they should have really dug in and changed things, deepened the script, the plot, etc?

Elizabeth: Yes! So, sadly, this movie isn’t going to win any Oscars.

Madeline: So, here’s what I say — is this even really a movie? I mean, I thought of it as something in film form that was an homage to the book.  I think we’re in the early days of a whole new medium. We need to come up with a jazzy name for it.  I mean, that whole weird section with the helicopter crash? “Real” movies don’t actually work like that.  Which is okay–but comparing this to a movie is like comparing apples to…an apple flavored jolly roger candy.  You know?

Elizabeth: It will certainly please the 50 Shades crowd, but in equal measure that it will tick off the real-life BSDM enthusiasts. (I can’t help but think of how this mirrors our very-politically-divided country right now.)

Fifty pull ups. Cause you know *that* joke isn't getting old.

Fifty pull ups. Cause you know *that* joke isn’t getting old.

Madeline: Aren’t they already ticked off? I mean, by this point, I can’t imagine real-life BDSM enthusiasts going see this movie for sheer love.  Me, I was frankly relieved that it was so kinky-lite in the first movie.  FIFTY SHADES DARKER’s little play-time scenes were icing on the cake.  Besides, I brought my husband to see the movie, and was hoping to placate him with all the sexy biz.

Also, as Jezebel writers said: “What was good: basically nonstop puss eating.”

Elizabeth: !

Madeline: So sez Jezebel, so say we all. On the other hand, people kinda wanted to see Christian’s dick.  Not me, just…people.  #dickparity is a thing, I guess.

Elizabeth: What I liked about the movie: Dakota Johnson has got acting chops.

Madeline: I agree.

Elizabeth: She’d better than most people probably realize given she had to develop that character herself. Anastasia Steele’s clothes. I want that La Perla bustier garter set she’s wearing.

Madeline: We all want that La Perla bustier garter set.  And the body to go with it.

And it looks even better from the back...

And it looks even better from the back…

Elizabeth: –Ya know, for sitting around my home office so I can pretend I’m about to be whisked to a ball. Also, her lips. M and I agree – she had the best lipstick. And it stayed on no matter what they were doing like sucking face, which they did often.

Madeline: I liked the sucking face.  Jamie Dornan sucks face well.

Elizabeth: Christian Grey’s boat. Niiiice. Jamie Dornan’s buffness and scruffness – just the way I like it. Oh, and his neck! I just wanted to bury my face in it.

You want to grab him. Admit it.

You want to grab him. Admit it.

Madeline: I did not need him so buff.  But I am obsessed.  (Posting on that later.)

Elizabeth: The general eye candy was great. They live in a beautiful world.

Madeline: I was going through eye candy withdrawl. This movie definitely helped.

Elizabeth: But I can’t get over the mixed signals: “Christian, I can never, ever give you what you need.” Ten minutes later, “Christian, spank me.” “Take me to the red room.” Make up your mind, lady. You’re either into the kink or you’re not.

Madeline: Okay, here’s my take on that — at first in their relationship he wanted total control.  Even to the point of saying he didn’t “do relationships”.  Gah.  It’s like a dance, and he was always leading.

In FIFTY SHADES DARKER, she takes control.  It’s not about consistency.  It’s about her leading. In the past, with all his interactions the dominant dynamic was about them pleasing him.  Now he has to keep up with her, follow her lead, and prove to her that he can please her.  It’s all about her, people! (Which is catnip to us romance ladies.)

She's steering the ship now.

She’s steering the ship now.

Elizabeth: His admission that he’s not a Dominant, but a sadist really bothered me.

Madeline: It was certainly abrupt.

Elizabeth: And they acted like being a sadist must be a very, very, very bad thing. It’s not!!

Madeline: She’s getting on her BDSM soap box people.

Elizabeth: If you’re truly a responsible sadist, you play with consenting adults, and you never harm anyone.

Madeline: Which is different from causing them pain

Elizabeth: Right.  Pain is temporary, and some masochists get an endorphin rush off controlled pain, which registers as a kind of pleasure…so they like it.

Madeline: Yes, yes, yes!

Elizabeth: Harming someone is completely different.

Madeline: Noted.

Elizabeth: I had an issue with the symbolic kink. The movie brings out the usual kinky props, but clearly for symbolic reasons. There’s the blindfold and the cuffs but within one minute they’re having sex. They bring out the spreader bar and within one minute they’re having sex.  He gives her four spanks and then they’re having sex. I get it. They’re young, full of hormones and hot. But don’t expect any real BDSM. The movie had tons of sex and a little slap and tickle.

Madeline: I didn’t mind that at all. Huzzah to symbolic kinky sex!

Elizabeth: Speaking of the spreader bar. People…please DO NOT go to Amazon, buy the first spreader bar you see and do that flip move that Christian did to Ana without a lot of practice.

Do not try this at home...

Do not try this at home…

Madeline: It did look…quite…gymnastic.

Elizabeth: I’m not quite convinced that spreader bar exists in real life.

Madeline: A retractable spreader bar.  Yeah, that was a new one to me too.

Elizabeth: So don’t risk spraining an ankle or wrenching a back.

Madeline: Her breasts were like a third character in the movie.

Elizabeth: If there was an opportunity to show them off, the movie did.

Madeline: It’s actually in her contract–she must be topless or naked at least every fifteen minutes of the movie. (Joking.) But reading interviews, I think the actress has made this her thing.  And if an actor is a bit of an exhibitionist, who are we to complain? (I’m looking at you, Orlando Bloom.)

Elizabeth: Why couldn’t we get his glory to be the third character? Equal rights, man.

Madeline: #DickParity — starting that hashtag right now

Elizabeth: This movie was more sex positive than the last — and Ana wasn’t as big as a doormat as she was in the first movie.

Madeline: Amen to that!

Elizabeth: Oh, and for grins you really must check out this post from a Redbook writer, I Tried All the Sex From Fifty Shades Darker In One Weekend. Hilarious.

Madeline: I can’t believe Redbook did that…that is awesome.  Final comments?

Elizabeth: Bottom line: If you are a 50 Shades fan, you’ll love this movie.

Madeline: Durh.

Elizabeth: If you are a real-life BDSM lifestyler, you’ll probably stay away anyway. Christian is someone who needs to be “cured.” Yeah, right.  But what he needs (IMHO) is help with his PTSD, not his BDSM proclivities (though I’m not convinced BDSM even really is his thing).

Madeline: What is his thing?

Elizabeth: Okay–Growing up, Christian discovers how to use kink to channel his anger from his childhood trauma.  And so maybe when he gets together with her, and they bond, that anger starts to go away? And that’s why he walks away from it all.

Towards the end of the series, he says he doesn’t want to do it anymore.  In the third book he doesn’t want a red room in the new house.

A Dominant, meanwhile, that’s their main thing–being in control.  If he actually can be happy without being in control, yeah, he’s not a Dominant.  And a sadist — I’m sorry, but you don’t just actually decide not to be someone who gets off on pain.  It’s like trying to pray your way out of being gay.

Madeline: So if this was real life–which it’s not–Elena would be right.  Ana and Christian together as a couple would be a compromise for him.  A compromise most couples don’t survive.

Kim Basinger plays Elena in the movie--which makes it all very meta.

Kim Basinger plays Elena in the movie–which makes it all very meta.

Elizabeth: Right.  If it was real life.

Madeline: Which it’s not.

Elizabeth: I don’t care if this story is fiction, that idea should be sorted out. Okay, Hollywood, can you do that for us? So we’re ALL happy? See built-in audience above.50shadesshouldersleeping

And don’t forget out V-Day Giveaway.  Subscribe to Lady Smut — push the pink bottom at the top right of your screen and you’ll be entered to win. 

Includes massage oil, candle, lip balm, and soap. Continental US only, please!

Includes massage oil, candle, lip balm, and soap. Continental US only, please!

Bed Dance – Not Your Ordinary Lap Dance

11 Feb

…AS TOLD TO LADY SMUT BY SASHA SNOW

Sometimes you're in the mood for some lap dance action...only more horizontal.

Sometimes you’re in the mood for some lap dance action–only…more horizontal.

SASHA SNOW: I’ve been teaching exotic dance for the last seven or so years in a professional dance studio with curtains drawn, and the doors locked.  The idea behind these classes is to help ordinary women reclaim a part of themselves they often lose to years of child-rearing, stale marriages, and general malaise from living in the ordinary world.  I help them reclaim their sensual side to use however they see fit. One of the most popular offerings are lap dance workshops.

In the ninety minute workshop, you learn how to move seductively and give your partner a semi-choreographed dance on and around him while he’s sitting in a chair or on a couch. In the last few years, however, I made up a bed dance workshop. If you can seduce a man with dance and movement while he’s sitting in a chair, imagine what you can do with him lying in a bed.

This idea isn’t new. Bed dance has long been a staple in strip clubs. Female strippers charge big money to give a man a dance in a bed in the back room. But you can give your partner one at home.

LADY SMUT: There are good reasons to bring some movement and action into your bedroom.

“In fact, a recent science article suggests that instead of lying still in bed, women are actually much more aroused by moving around. University of Texas Dr. Cindy Meston reported this to the BBC:

‘For years we were told, ‘Have a bubble bath, calm down, listen to relaxing music, do deep breathing exercises, chill out before sex,” she says.

‘But my research shows the opposite, that you actually want to get women in an active state. So, you can run around the block with your partner and get them to chase you around the block, or watch a scary movie together, ride a rollercoaster together, even a good comedy act. If you really get laughing, you’re going to have a sympathetic activation response.’

Meston is talking about the sympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for subconscious muscle contractions that get us ready for the flight or fight mode, like heart rate and blood pressure. She has found that if this system is activated before sex it will help women respond more intensely and more quickly.

It’s quite the opposite for men.”

In other words, git up and dance! Sasha Snow has some helpful tips to offer.

TIPS FOR TRYING OUT A BED DANCE AT HOME:

Set some rules.  You need to do this so it doesn’t delve into sex right away:

  • no heels
  • no touching (this is a fun one to play with–how close can you get?)
  • no talking, no laughing
  • BE SAFE — hang onto the head board or hang onto the wall.
  • Move however feels good to you. 
  • Put on some music you like — not what he likes — what you like. (Cause he’s not really listening to the music.)
  • Spice it up! Remember — practice makes perfect.

And don’t forget — if you subscribe to LadySmut.com you are automatically entered in our V-day giveaway this weekend (2/10/17 to 2/14/17)

Includes massage oil, candle, lip balm, and soap. Continental US only, please!

Includes massage oil, candle, lip balm, and soap. Continental US only, please!

The Men Who Dare To Go There In Erotic Fiction

27 Jan

By Elizabeth SaFleur

The evolution of Viagra’s marketing from Bob Dole to 40 something men during football games (so now she wants it) has given me further insight into the degradation that women experience every day, living up to impossible standards of beauty and sexuality. ~Spencer Dryden

You pretty much have to love a guy who emails you the above lines in response to your interview request related to why he writes erotic fiction. And then when he—and other male erotic writers—jump in with other awesomeness, well, it’s hard not to let pride swell one’s little heart that these gentlemen are part of our book tribe.

Authors DaddyX, Spencer Dryden, Daily Hollow and Ian Smith graciously shared their experiences writing erotic romance and erotica, including why (oh, why?) they went there. Few men do. Let’s hear from the few, the proud and the brave.

ELIZABETH SAFLEUR: Okay, guys, how did you get here? Why do you write in the erotic genre?

SPENCER DRYDEN: Nearly all my life I have been enchanted by female allure. I come from a time and background where anything sexual was obscured by a cloud of guilt and shame. When I reached my early 60’s (I’m 66 now) I gave myself permission to explore those fantasies through fiction as it would be much safer that trying to carry them out in real life. I have learned so much about sex and sexuality in the process, things I wish I had known as a younger man. A guy could learn a lot by reading my stuff.

DADDYX: To be honest—and I will be honest—being horny. And in appreciating the fact that I still felt sexy rather late in life. It’s what was always on my mind, even at 64 years of age, when I began writing erotica. Figured to document my libido before it went away.

ELIZABETH SAFLEUR: We love honest guys.

daddyx-cover

Good things come in plain brown wrappers. Daddy has stenciled a big red “X” on the cover of his new collection to warn the reading public. Open this book only if you’re ready for X-rated excesses beyond the ordinary. The five tales Daddy has chosen for this volume are X-tra outrageous.

IAN SMITH:  I read some ‘chick lit’ for relaxation, and enjoyed the development of the characters and the romantic story, but felt the lovemaking scenes were a bit tame. I decided to try writing this sort of story, but with rather steamier scenes. Sex is an integral and important part of most people’s relationships, and I thought it must be possible to be realistic without being ‘porn’.”

DAILY HOLLOW: I wanted to get back into writing fiction so a few years ago I googled ‘writing competitions’ and stumbled across Literotica. After reading a few stories I was like “I can totally do this.”

ELIZABETH SAFLEUR: There’s that honesty again. You all come from different walks of life so I’m calling you my ‘representative sample.’ Here’s what I want to know. Why aren’t there more male authors in the erotic genre?

DADDYX: Hah! Momma X says that when a woman writes smut, it’s considered cute. A woman can get away with appearing something akin to adventurous without looking like a perv. Conjure a naughty picture of a cute girl, book in one hand, masturbating with the other. Isn’t that sweet? But a guy in a basement who can’t get a date, one hand beating Red Roger, typing like crazy with the other? Let’s just say it’s a different picture.

ELIZABETH SAFLEUR: Okay, true that.

SPENCER DRYDEN: I don’t have a clue other than women weren’t seeing what they liked and have systematically taken over control of the ship. Very admirable. We need to get more male readers into erotica but I don’t see many characters I can identify with. Until men can identify with character and plot in erotica, what little fiction they read will continue to be action genres.

DAILY HOLLOW: I think because there are more female readers of erotica, so it would make sense more women would write it. Men (such as myself) tend to gravitate more toward action, horror, etc. Honestly, I very rarely read the genre, unless one of my friends has a new book or I am beta reading for someone.

IAN SMITH: There appears to be a widespread opinion that “men can’t write romance’” which I disagree with. Men feel romantic and get emotionally involved, probably in similar ways to women. Fewer men appear to write romance, or at least not under male pen names. I know the market for romance generally is predominantly female, and I can understand that people reading for escapism will typically identify more readily with their own gender.

ELIZABETH SAFLEUR: So as a man, do you feel responsible or obligated to write erotica or erotic romance a “certain” way? Such as more respectful (or more blatant) in certain areas because people know you’re a man?

DAILY HOLLOW: Not really. I write what I feel, then send it off to the betas. I have never had anyone tell me my writing was derogatory or disrespectful.

plumbersotherlovers300

Plumbers and Other Lovers is collection of four short stories about tradesmen who find unexpected rewards in home repairs as they stumble into romantic encounters during the course of their everyday blue-collar lives.

DADDYX: Not at all. But I sure get told when I get it wrong. :>) Much of my experience in offering, receiving and observing criticism is through The Erotica Readers and Writers Association lists. I have acted as Storytime editor for either flash fiction or short stories for the past few years. There, I see varying perspectives of criticism and as many ways of interpreting the same work. Everyone has his/her own way of perceiving and receiving erotica. That’s one of the more intriguing aspects of writing in our genre. Everyone absorbs the material according to their own turn-ons and squicks. In fact, with all the variety out there, it’s a miracle a writer ever connects with a reader.

SPENCER DRYDEN: My writing reflects the way I feel about women, which is that I hold them in high regard, especially the way they can use their powers of enchantment.

ELIZABETH SAFLEUR: See opening lines above.

IAN SMITH: No, I try to write with my own “voice.” I like my male lead characters to be decent, nice guys, and be courteous to the women they’re involved with, but that’s at least partly because it’s how I hope I am myself. I find it difficult to imagine being anything else, but that might be something fun to play with when I feel more confident about my writing.

ELIZABETH SAFLEUR: Do you find people hold you to a higher standard? Like a woman can get away with writing certain things, but a man would get his hand slapped for “crossing a line?”

DAILY HOLLOW: Not really. I have heard some male writers feel that way, but I have never encountered any issues.

SPENCER DRYDEN:  I don’t know if “higher standard” is quite the right term for what I feel. I have read lots of short form F/F erotica (which I love) as a way to improve sensual vocabulary. Often these stories move fast and feature plots that move quickly from initial encounter to sex. (Hi I’m a girl that likes girls. Oh I like girls too….begin humping) My stories have the same structure and character arc as F/F stories but my are frequently labeled as “stroke” or “only about sex.” So it’s more like a double standard than a higher standard.

DADDYX: Some of my characters can be despicable. I do have to work to tone them down upon occasion. Though assholes make for interesting subjects, there should be someone for the reader to relate to. Often the reader equates a character with the author, so I wouldn’t want to alienate readership of any sexual orientation. Despite everything as personal as squicks and triggers, I’d like my work to be universal; but that’s nigh impossible, considering that many people wouldn’t open an erotic book in the first place.

kings-captain-cover-1000x633

Paul is Hayley’s lover and now her leading man. But acting and portraying a hero on a period TV show takes far more than a suit of armour. He’s totally out of his depth, personally and professionally. Help arrives with dramatic lessons in leadership and courage, when strange events put him and his friends in harm’s way.

ELIZABETH SAFLEUR: And, you Ian?

IAN SMITH: I don’t think so. Well, aside from trying to write from a female POV and getting it wrong!

ELIZABETH SAFLEUR: In general, men’s fantasies vary wildly from female fantasies. They experience sex differently in real life. Do you believe that colors a male author’s viewpoint when writing erotic fiction? Do you try to write something that will appeal to what females (the bulk of erotic fiction readers) want to read?

DADDYX: Wish I had an inside track for success with female readers. Any readers. It sure would be nice. Maybe then I could sell some books. :>) So here’s what I think:

Again, I can’t really say that I write to a particular gender. To me, it’s all about the story, no matter who’s reading. The plot has to be fresh, intriguing, and hold together. The story arc must be accessible, if not immediately obvious. I like to give my readers credit as intelligent people who will extrapolate content and subtleties by my prompts and suggestions. I don’t want to alter or conform my work to appeal to the lowest common denominator. By the same token, while I’m writing, I wouldn’t want to distract myself imagining my readers as any particular gender. I feel that engineering the delivery by gender could effectively limit scope in development of the story. I like to think of literature as universal.

That said, I also like to get my readers juices flowing, no matter their gender. Problem is, how would I know?

DAILY HOLLOW: I write what I feel. I’ve actually written a few F/F stories, and honestly my novella, Leslie’s Dilemma, may be my best fiction piece to date.

SPENCER DRYDEN: “I hope that female readers will find my male characters to be genuine and memorable. There are no billionaire bad boys, alpha males or self- destructive ego-maniacs in my stories. I feature ordinary guys who fall into the orbit of sexually assertive women. [As for a different viewpoint?] Absolutely. It’s why we are more visual and more mechanical in our fiction writing.

ELIZABETH SAFLEUR: Confession time: Are you writing stories you wish would pan out in real life?

DADDYX: Heh. I’m 72 years old, for chrissakes. My fantasies will remain as such. :>) If Momma and I can achieve orgasm in the missionary position without injuring ourselves, we consider ourselves lucky. Best fantasy these days is a sexy dream. Or a trip to a thong beach.  In truth though, I often write situations I’d like to have happened. Other situations, not so much. Depends on the character. He/she may think like me. Or decidedly not.

IAN SMITH: In a general sense, of people meeting and forming solid, emotionally-fulfilling relationships, and having a few adventures along the way.

daly-hollow-book

Mark Jenson is a handsome, easy going man who enjoys drinking with his buddies and the occasional Myrtle Beach golf outing. Gabriella is a beautiful, yet intimidating Jamaican assassin who has nearly fifty kills to her credit. Because Mark unknowingly insulted a mobster’s daughter after they had a drunken night of sex, Gabriella is hired to end Mark’s life

DAILY HOLLOW: LOL, who doesn’t? I also try to throw a little personal experience in as well. I’ve been in several multi-racial relationships and have written a BWWM novella and short story. I’ve also had sex in public and one of my works in progress is going to have a scene where my MC has sex in a river at a popular college hangout. In my short story “Charlene’s Surprise”, my MC is tied up while his wife and her best friend “put on a show.” I guess that would be something I wish would have panned out in real life. 😉

SPENCER DRYDEN: I think fantasy; especially sexual fantasy is a very important part of a balanced life. Fantasy helps us set boundaries and then offers us a risk free way of seeing life on the other side of the boundary. In my case, through fiction, I can make love to any woman I want, my wife could care less and the woman even likes it. I think it would cause lots of marital difficulty if I were to ACT on my fantasies. I can also brutally murder people I dislike without fear of jail time.

ELIZABETH SAFLEUR: Isn’t that the best? I digress… For you, what is the most satisfying part about writing erotic fiction?

DADDYX: Positive feedback. Connecting with a reader in an erotic endeavor. Nothing feels better than hearing a reviewer you don’t know say: “That’s the most erotic book I’ve ever read,” as has been said about “The Gonzo Collection.” Considering the aforementioned variety of erotic preferences (and the odds against of making that connection) the connection, once made, may be on some level equivalent to sharing sex with those readers.

SPENCER DRYDEN: When I see the whole story arc. I write most of my stories backwards, that is, I start at the end and work my way back to the beginning.

IAN SMITH: Readers telling me they enjoyed my storytelling. If they found it hot and steamy as well, that’s a bonus!

DAILY HOLLOW: Typing the words “the end.” One of the most challenging parts about writing is actually finishing. I currently have about five WIP going at once.

ELIZABETH SAFLEUR: So, I guess in the end, it turns out all writers are alike!

Thank you, gentleman. Keep up the great work. Readers, below is how you can stay in touch with our male cohorts in sexy crime. And follow LadySmut. We know all the great writers…and lovers of sexy romance.

 Love Links

Daily Hollow’s Facebook and Amazon author page

DaddyX’s  Oh Get A Grip blog  (where he posts fortnightly with nine other accomplished erotica writers) and Amazon author page

Ian Smith’s Facebook, Facebook Author Page and Blog

Spencer Dryden’s Facebook, Twitter and Amazon author page

~~~~~

Elizabeth SaFleur writes contemporary erotic romance and she’s not afraid to get graphic about it  — “it” being the sex, the BDSM or Washington, DC society, which she regularly features in her series, the Elite Doms of Washington. Join her Sexy, Saucy, Sometimes Naughty exclusive reader’s group or follow her on Twitter and Facebook.

Sex Robot Anxiety: Alexa, Why Can’t We Have Nice Things?

10 Jan
I still think we'll all eventually have our own robot gunslingers. We just need to be very careful with them.

I still think we’ll all eventually have our own robot gunslingers. We just need to be very careful with them.

By Alexa Day

Am I obsessed with sex robots? I’m not sure obsessed is the right word. I prefer enthusiastic. I’m enthusiastic about sex robots.

And I really think we’re close to making sex robots a reality. I mean, we have most of the component parts out here right now.

For the first time, I’m a little worried about that.

Before I get to my concerns about the future, let’s have a quick look at where we are now.

Until recently, the reality of the sex robot was sufficient to dampen my enthusiasm (and not in a good way — heyo!). The real sex robots, predominantly women for male consumers, honestly didn’t look all that good. I don’t mean that they didn’t look hot. I mean that they didn’t look human. The average mannequin was a more attractive partner.

Sinthetics is changing the game. Elizabeth Shore wrote about them last month. They’re featured in a Vice Video, where the host Karley Sciortino commissions a sex doll named Gabriel with a sculpted body, blue eyes, and an erection that won’t quit until Karley wants it to. Gabriel was made by sex-positive people with a real eye for detail. You can see the veins in his arms. He has body hair. Thanks to Sinthetics, male sex dolls look pretty damned good.
(If you skipped the video last month, you missed out big time. Gabriel’s not shy about full frontal. Seriously.)

As hot as the modern male sex doll is, what separates him from the sex robot we’ve been talking about is a brain. We need him to understand what we’re saying, what we mean by what we’re saying, and what we might want later.
So where is our fabulous sex doll going to find a brain?

Ask Alexa. Not me. The other Alexa.

Amazon’s Echo Dot connects users to the Alexa Voice Service, a powerful artificial intelligence that recognizes and responds to a multitude of commands. Alexa knows your morning commute. She can read you the headlines. She’ll adjust the temperature in the living room. And the best part is that Alexa is learning as she goes. Amazon promises that the Echo Dot is adapting to its user’s “speech patterns, vocabulary, and personal preferences.” The more you ask of Alexa, the more she learns about you.

You don’t have to be terribly pervy to see the possibilities here (but it helps, I think). Alexa’s brain in Gabriel’s body seems like a fantastic idea, right? Aren’t you excited about the chance to educate your new friend?

Slow down, neighbors. Didn’t you read Frankenstein? That sounded like a fantastic idea at one point, too, but that snowball went downhill very, very quickly. We all have a lot to deal with right now, between smashing the patriarchy, protecting reproductive rights, maintaining our Netflix queues, and things of that nature. We won’t have time to chase a suddenly willful Gabriel all over creation, and we don’t know how quickly his hungry brain learns things. So we need to anticipate a couple of problems now.

We have an advantage over the Echo Dot in that we can move independently and it can’t. We could put the Dot into the underwear drawer if it starts getting a little ahead of itself. There’s a limit to how much it can do if it becomes disenchanted with its servile role in the household. Our robot friend isn’t going to be like that. I’m thinking about the Synths in the AMC show Humans. The Synths think independently enough to have secrets. It’s a big jump from following orders to keeping secrets, sure, but all a robot has to know in order to keep a secret is that knowing the truth will displease its owner. The sex robot’s job is to make you happy. How long do you think it would take our robot’s new brain to figure out that you would be better off not knowing the whole truth about something? It might start off innocently enough — one well executed surprise would teach our robot that withholding the truth sometimes pleases you. But once we’re not in complete control of disclosure, problems are going to arise.

The other problem is, well, people. Other people.

We aren’t out to take advantage of the sex robot, of course. To the extent a robot consents to sex, we’ll only be engaged in consensual activity. This is more about partner availability, the ability to have sex without having to make an effort to find an attractive partner whose presence we can tolerate. We are not awful people. We’re just about convenience and efficiency.

But awful people exist.

If you really want to be depressed by all of this, check out the brief documentary My Sex Robot. Along with all the rudimentary robots, you’ll find a host of men who will cheerfully tell you that the best part of having a sex robot is that she can’t say no. It’s kind of disturbing.

Is it possible to rape a sex robot? If it has a brain like the one we’re talking about, then I think the answer is yes. At the very least, the question invites discussion. Ideally, that discussion involves our new robot friend.

Damn. All I wanted was a robotic sex partner. Now that he sounds expensive and complicated, I might be forced to re-evaluate things.

And I will.

I promise.

Someday.

Are we moving too fast? Am I worrying about the wrong things? Let’s consider it in the comments.

And follow Lady Smut. We’ll get you all the nicest stuff.

The Sexy Dane Solution

5 Jan

by Madeline Iva

hyggeHere’s a Danish word for ya:  HYGGE

Pronounce it Hoo-gah, but try throwing a little “U” into that ‘oo’ sound and you’ve nailed it.  Hygge translates to “cozy” in Danish, but it’s not just a word to the Danish, nor just an emotion—it’s a genius cultural ideal!

It’s cold outside, my peeps.  And we are in desperate need of ideals right now.  Also, after the holidays we’re poor. Yet we can still pull on a big pair of wooly socks, make a delicious pot of hot soup, and settle down in front of the warm lights of the fire.  Or Xmas tree you still haven’t taken down.  Or your space heater.  Whatever. We can still embrace each other and cling to everything in our world that is simple, good, and warm.

Like hot guys in winter sweaters. hygge2

My romance ideal is founded on the concept of Hygge and I think you may already recognize it:

SEXY + HYGGE = SMYGGE (SMOOGAH)

Hygge is not at all contradictory with a bit o’ sexy. In fact, if you’re like me, this is the package in which you actually prefer your sexy. Show me a guy with great bed head in a big ole sweater with jeans, or conversely some boxers and hot abs and I’ll show you my clenching ovaries. Give him a mug of coffee or a kitten to hold and…my God, you’re killing me here.hygge4

Yes to Hygge! Yes to Sexy! Put them together and you’ve got Smygge – my new sensual ideal. Happy New Year!

Got Smygge?

Got Smygge?

(To find more of all things Smygge, go to my PINTEREST page. ; > )

Icy Hot.

Icy Hot.

GOT MIRTH?

And while we’re at it–materialistic American beasts that we are–let’s embrace the wider ramifications of Hygge and Smygge. We’re not just talking Nordic sweaters, kittens, and mittens—we’re talking about the fundamentals of creating social joy.

In Denmark, Hygge means means having your friends over for an informal dinner with candle light. (Cough. While candlelight is very Hygge, it also hides a vast amount of housekeeping neglect. Cough. Cough.) Or better yet, leave those dust bunnies to roam, and wander down to the local pub with your mates to drown your winter sorrows in an amber pint of excellent Danish lager. (Preferably while wearing a nordic sweater.) I’m talking an informal sense of togetherness and peace – this is very Hyggelig.  (Hoo-glee)

When you create warmth for you, your loved ones, and friends–and without spending a lot o’ money–you are essentially creating social joy.   For me, 2017 is going to be all about creating maximal hygge warmth and mirth as a big wholesome buffer against the forces of evil and uncertainty that loom.

My ovaries! My ovaries!

My ovaries! My ovaries!

So embrace these velvet fog days, snuggle down in your warm flannel sheets, and draw your loved ones (or pictures of your favorite tv/movie stars—I won’t judge) close.

And for that added kick of joy, put a little smygge in your life—pop on that warm wool sweater and socks (but nothing else). You won’t regret it. ; >hygge-7

Follow us at Lady Smut — we’re an excellent daily source of Hygge.  And subscribe as well! It’s free and fun stuff is coming to our subscribers very soon.

wickedapprenticefinal-fjm_high_res_1800x2700Madeline Iva writes fantasy and paranormal romance.  Her fantasy romance, WICKED APPRENTICE, featuring a magic geek heroine, is available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, and through iTunes.  Sign up for Madeline Iva news & give aways.

 

Return to Snctm: Who’s on Top in Utopia?

25 Oct
I just had one question. One persistent, slippery question.

I just had one question. One persistent, slippery question.

By Alexa Day

I was enjoying a long, lazy summer when I first wrote about Snctm this past May. The goop.com sex issue sent me right through the looking glass.

I go into a lot of detail about Snctm in that post, but in essence, Snctm is a sex club catering to men with money. Applicants, both male and female, are evaluated in large part on their appearance. There are pool parties and masquerades and such, but honestly, if you read erotic romance, you probably already know what a sex club is.

About two and a half months after that post, an email from a Snctm member appeared in the LadySmut mail room. I have agreed not to disclose this person’s identity or to quote this person in such a way that would lead to this person’s being identified. For ease of reference and in deference to the classical tradition of storytelling, I will refer to this person as Nemo.

Nemo guessed, correctly, that I have not been to a Snctm event. Nemo said the reality of the events surpassed the press coverage, which was plentiful.

Nemo also said that Snctm was empowering for women.

I was skeptical about this at first. After all, nothing I’d turned up for the first post left me with this impression. But the journalist in me wanted to improve inadequate coverage and the eroticist in me wanted to know how this worked. So Nemo and I began to correspond.

Because I have agreed not to quote Nemo, I will distill our correspondence to these bullets.

  • Nemo suggested that I interview Snctm founder Damon Lawner, which I would be delighted to do if I could get hold of him.
  • Nemo assured me that security was incredibly tight at Snctm events.
  • Nemo emphasized that women outnumbered men at Snctm events. If those women wanted to undress and engage in a little girl-on-girl while the men looked on, well, they should feel perfectly comfortable to do that wherever possible. Seriously, Snctm is all about greenlighting girl-on-girl.
  • Nemo said that everyone at the Snctm events had loads and loads of money.
  • And finally, Nemo repeated that women were empowered at Snctm events.

That last point was really all I was interested in. Snctm has been compared to the club in Eyes Wide Shut and to the Playboy mansion back in its heyday. If that conjures up visions of naked women cavorting around for the enjoyment of wealthy men, well, the Snctm membership video seems to back that up. (BTW, that video link is probably the most NSFW link I have ever posted.)

I asked Nemo what I was missing. Nemo promised to call. I wrote down a list of questions.

And then Nemo ghosted me.

I’ve been ghosted before. It happens. But that’s not the way to change my mind. Indeed, that cemented my opinion that Snctm was not empowering for women. It certainly sounded like Nemo wasn’t able to answer my one pressing question.

I signed on to the Snctm email list a while back. From time to time, I received lovingly overblown messages from them about a Classe (yes, with the ‘e’), like the one on “bondage, impact and sensation play,” complete with “canapes and premium libations.” Invitations to masquerades and pool parties joined the rest of the promotional emails in my inbox.

Then, on September 27, I received the following email.

“For 2 months in a row our problem is too many amazing, gorgeous ladies and not enough men! This is something most clubs only dream of, but we are serious. Our prices are very high for men and free for ladies guest list. What this means is we have created a literal sexual utopia for gentlemen smart enough, successful enough, and lucky enough to attend our events. The ladies to gentlemen ratio is 4 to 1. 2 or 3 to 1 is what we are looking to achieve. ‘Blessed are those entering our hallowed halls’ has never rung so true as now.”

I have trouble squaring empowerment for women with “a literal sexual utopia for gentlemen,” especially when utopia is about having two or three women for every man. That’s lovely news for guys bringing a partner to the events, right? No need to be limited to the one you brought, it seems. If you’re a woman not interested in girl-on-girl, I’m not sure what that means for you.

Anyone feeling empowered out there? Don’t worry if you don’t. There’s more.

On September 28, I received this next email.

“From this moment forward to any and all gentlemen who request discounts and/or free entry here is our response. FUCK OFF. If you can’t afford Snctm, you need to be a real man and get your shit together. Enough said.”

In May, I suspected that Snctm’s membership was made up of women Damon Lawner found hot and men he found cool. Still, this second email is a little jarring. One does not often find toxic masculinity in an environment that is empowering to women.

Want to try this club instead? Click to buy.

Want to try this club instead? Click to buy.

I think I was still rolling my eyes a little when I received yet another email. This one contained a link to an Esquire feature on Lawner. The title suggests that he is unhappy. I found this a little galling so soon after “FUCK OFF” but I read on anyway.

Esquire’s coverage of a Snctm masquerade includes all the luxe details. The giant mansion. The sumptuous food and drink. Topless women at the pool. When the feature opens, Lawner and Caroline, with whom he shares an open relationship, are evaluating someone’s membership application. The female applicant notes that she is a hyperpolyglot who enjoys dirty talk. Lawner is intrigued by the notion of dirty talk in multiple languages. Caroline suggests that the applicant probably “likes to get fucked really hard.”

You ladies feeling empowered yet?

Esquire also reports that “Lawner has tried to create a spiritual and erotic utopia where people of like minds and desires can have as much sex and romance as humanly possible, in as many different ways as the imagination can invent.” That sounds intriguing, no? It conjures up images of long conversations that might be inappropriate elsewhere, the kind of sensual, intellectual interaction that lasts for hours before anyone undresses. So how did he get from there to a “literal sexual utopia for men,” a place that can afford to tell potential applicants, guys who might have like minds but less extravagant budgets, to “FUCK OFF”?

The Esquire reporter also captures a disturbing moment between Caroline and another party guest, a man whose “vigorous” touch prompts her to flee the room in “obvious distress.” I remembered Nemo’s insistence that the parties were full of security personnel, but none are present in this account. Lawner follows Caroline out.

The next morning, he asks if he should have intervened.

The next morning.

I don’t think I need to say any more about that.

All is not lost.

Before the incident with Caroline, the feature touches briefly on a female Devotee, a performer in Snctm’s erotic theater. Dressed in a pig mask and a sign that reads “Touch Me,” she is led through the party by two other performers, who encourage guests to do as the sign says. The Devotee tells the reporter that “she loved the way the guests looked at her with a mixture of shyness and desire, men and women alike.”

I breathed a sigh of relief. This was all I wanted to hear. It took five months, but now we know that somewhere in Snctm is a woman who feels empowered by what the club has to offer her.

Actually, Esquire offers up a smaller feature — very NSFW — follows the Devotee into a performance with a Snctm regular known as the Bunnyman. Considering that this Devotee is the only woman to describe in detail how she’s empowered by the experience, that’s definitely worth a read. I’d certainly love to hear more from her, and from anyone who knows the thrill of power in a setting like this. I really am interested in the intellectual and erotic underpinnings that go along with this.

This does nothing to reassure me about what happened to Caroline or the environment in which it happened. That gives me very real reservations about the Snctm experience and the male members’ perception of it.

So while one of my questions is answered, others have arisen.

I know that readers of erotica and erotic romance are no strangers to the sex club, at least as it appears on the page. I found a new favorite in The Gentlemen’s Club by Emmanuelle de Maupassant, who leaves no question about whether the ladies of the club are empowered. Be sure to tell me who else is doing it right in the comments.

And follow Lady Smut. We’ll take you on a long trip sometimes, but the journey’s certainly worthwhile.

 

The Great Debate – Big Nips or Big Tits?

19 Oct

By Elizabeth Shore

So, here we are, heading down the final stretch of insanity that has defined this year’s presidential election. Tonight, if you choose, you can strap yourself in to endure listen to the last of the three debates between our two major party hopefuls. And yet…why? Why would you do that to yourselves, peeps? Do you really want to sit there cringing as verbal slings and arrows are hurled back and forth like so much steaming cow dung?

Ahhh…lemme think. No. Hell no. At the same time, it’s debate night, the opportunity we get from living in a free society to hash out some issues. All well and good, so I say let’s debate…but make it Lady Smut style.

As Kiersten Hallie Krum mentioned in her Monday post, I was at the fabulous New Jersey Put Your Heart in a Book annual conference last weekend. Lots of laughs, lots of drinks (wretched margaritas aside), and useful workshops galore. But let’s be clear. This was a gathering of romance writers, those ladies (and sprinkle of men) who write about and think about eternal love and scorching hot lust and craft those thoughts into deliciously wicked stories. So it should come as no surprise that at the conference, I overheard a conversation between a few writers that I’m submitting as fare fodder for our Lady Smut debate. Tonight’s topic: if forced to make a choice, do men overall prefer their ladies with large, robust nipples on small breasts or big, plush breasts with small nipples? Put that question in your pipe and smoke it, Chris Wallace.

I posed this question to a panel of esteemed experts – my guy friends. Now, admittedly, it put them a bit on the spot. Do they answer truthfully, or do they tell me what they think I want to hear? In fairness, I think they gave me the straight dope, and overwhelmingly the answer was, it doesn’t matter. Big and small, they like them all. Yeah, OK. But still…

Ever the intrepid Lady Smutter, I delved deeper, thinking some historical data may prove useful. An article in Time magazine pointed out that the U.S. issued its first patent on the modern bra a little over 100 years ago, on November 3, 1914. It was initially meant to alleviate the discomfort of “the girls” just silently swinging with no support. But in 1948 Frederick’s of Hollywood gave us the first push-up bra and the modest little garment was no longer relegated to mere practical clothing but rather an alluring enhancement meant to entice. Entice the viewer of breasts, that is, thus giving credence to the argument that it’s the big breasts men want, nipples be damned.

But not so fast! One of my guy friends actually did take a stand, firm in his opinion that big nipples on small breasts out-trumps (zing!) large breasts with small nipples “every time.” Further, he stated, “natural breasts are always better than fake.” Size, in this case, truly doesn’t matter. Backing up his conviction was an article I found from our friends at Psychology Today discussing men’s “complex feelings about women’s breasts.”

The article’s author, Michael Castelman, says that for him personally, when he found a woman who was kind, willing to put up with him, and willing to remove her bra, he was so grateful that he “thoroughly enjoyed anything that fell out of them.” Good on ya, Michael.

His article does cite a couple of studies showing men’s preference toward larger breasts. But it’s not as straightforward as one might assume. Taking a trip back in time, evolutionary psychology suggests men’s preference for larger breasts is embedded in the belief that large breasts indicate a well-fed woman, who in turn would be better suited to bear children than her lean breasted (read: under-nourished) counterpart. Transporting that to today’s time, Castleman cites a study of 66 Englishmen who ranged from hungry to well-fed and who were shown photos of women’s breasts. The hungry ones preferred the larger breasted women, while the ones fully sated went for the smaller breasts. On a socio-economic scale, there are studies similarly showing that wealthy men prefer smaller chested women (thus, Castleman points out, rich guys going for skinny, smll-breasted models).

Yeah, but back to our debate. Large breasts, small nipples or small breasts, large nipples? A writer who dubs himself “Dr. Tickles” wrote in an article for AskMen.com, “I have to say the girl with a small pair of nipples would have to be amazing in almost every way because big nipples simply drive me crazy and frankly, I don’t think it’s something I can do without.”

Huh. Well, I dare say we might have to declare a tie. Truth is, we all have our preferences. One gal’s Brad Pitt is another’s Pee Wee Herman. As for the guys, while Dr. Tickles goes nuts over nips, his buddy may well prefer the more lushly endowed. At the end of the day, as one of my friends put it, “all breasts are lovely.”

Elizabeth Shore writes both contemporary and historical erotic romance. Her newest book is an erotic historical novella, Desire Rising, from The Wild Rose Press. Other releases include Hot Bayou Nights and The Lady Smut Book of Dark Desires

 

 

 

Got Body Issues? Try Being NAKED AND AFRAID

1 Sep
How much do they pay these women?

How much do they pay these women?

by Madeline Iva

It’s been around three years, but I only recently discovered NAKED AND AFRAID through an article about ‘The Women of Naked & Afraid’. My first thought was: Women naked and afraid? WTF?

HOW THE SHOW WORKS:

Then I found out that it’s not just a woman who has to strip down and be alone in the hostile wilderness, she also has to have some stranger dude along with her so they can be naked and afraid *together*.

We’re experiencing a whole new world of gender equality—a show in which BOTH men and women get to reveal their butt cracks on national television.

For a moment I thought that being paired with a complete strange naked man was what made the women contestants afraid. But no, it’s not nearly so f***ed up as that. Or…is it?

YEAH, YOUR MOM WAS NAKED BEFORE MILLIONS OF TV VIEWERS

So what type of woman does this?

The women from the show Naked & Afraid were interviewed in People Magazine. Do they get to use tampons? Hell yeah.

“How do your kids feel about you being naked on national television?” One women talked about her tweener son’s response. Let me interpret his comment: “Yeah, mom, you’re gonna do what you’re gonna do and *sigh*, I’m just a kid, I don’t get any say, so–whatever. Can I go now?”

I get the feeling that a fair amount of the women on this show need some fast cash.

Yes, a vegetarian on Naked & Afraid with a very high PSR.

Yes, a vegetarian on Naked & Afraid. Note her very high PSR score.

SURVIVAL SCORES/COMMON GENDER TROPES:  Contestants get an initial Primitive Survival Rating (PSR).  It’s based on what they bring to the situation–like camping experience and a love of skittles. It gets reevaluated at the end–almost always upwards a notch or two.

I’d say about half the women come from the army, police, or are marathoners, hikers, while a few grew up in semi-wilderness places like Alaska.  The ones with the lowest PSRs inevitably state in some chewy twang that they are in it out of pure cussedness.  The people in their lives think they can’t hack it. (Read grandfather, father, or whatever patriarchal sexist male is down on them.) Alas, gran-pappy may have some insight. These women start out full of sass and then crumple almost immediately.  One tapped out after four days because, as she so eloquently put it, “Bugs are crawling up my va-jay-jay.”

And the dudes? Survivalists – not all of them, but a fair heaping.  Hunters, etc.  Men who just don’t feel right if they haven’t killed something lately.  (And these women aren’t afraid? Gah. One guy shows his partner how the snake’s heart still beats after it has been decapitated and flayed.  Another guy talks about eating the bird’s guts–cause that’s where all the nutrients are.  A third guy twists off a bird’s head and then sucks hot blood from the neck.  Then he says “I didn’t know I was going to do that.” Finally, there is the guy who rejoices in smashing rats and talking in little rat voices to their carcasses. Creeeeeeepy!)

The common issue with a lot of these men are that they’re ‘cocky’, or ‘arrogant’ and express some pretty serious hang-ups like “I learned early on that the only one I can depend on is me.” Most of these women wouldn’t have lasted through a blind date with these guys, but they’re willing to be with them naked and hungry for 21 days.  How much are they paying these women?

You couldn't pay me.

You couldn’t pay me.

9 out of 10 of these creepy survivalist guys make it to the end and admittedly, make it fairly easy for his partner to get to the end as well.  These guys are not the spooners in the shelter at night.  But when things get tough, the tough do not like to go it alone.  The more troubles they encounter with their ‘useless’ partner–a flooding river say, or freezing temperatures–the more tightly bonded they seem to be by the end of the show.  In the end, they may be able to kill and eat things all by themselves, but that won’t stop them from breaking down and crying like little babies without a woman there to say “Nut up, dude,” and keep them sane.

Here are some common gendered tropes we see on Naked and Afraid:

–Man hacking at something with the ubiquitous machete –

–Woman lying about looking limpid.  Woman crying.

–Man shouting into the dark to the f***ing wild cat/alligator/boar/unknown beast to stay the f**k away.

–Woman off vomiting—usually because she’s the first to succumb to dehydration.

–Woman covered in blisters from whatever f***ing poisonous thing is about two feet away from their camp.

–Man failing as a hunter (often).

Usually you see a woman having suggestions and the man regarding these ideas as utterly useless. In these situations, the woman often hides her irritation.  Sometimes she’s right, and sometimes she’s wrong, but I’ve yet to see a show where the guy suddenly says “Oh my god! What was I thinking? That’s a brilliant idea!” Or a show where the guy suggests something and the woman says “Yeah, no, that’s dumb. We’re not doing that.”

Not spooning. Not *yet*.

Not spooning. Not *yet*.

HOW THIS SHOW PUTS THE ‘REALITY’ IN REALITY TV:

There are just some things you cannot fake.

It’s not called Naked and Alone.  Many a show includes the call for Medic! Frankly, I’m surprised that no one has died yet.

Meanwhile, the contestants tap out and the voice-over is like: “Can his partner survive sixteen days naked and alone?” She’s not naked and alone–there’s a camera crew following her all day long.

However, I don’t care if four or five people are following me during the day–it’s at the night that the real fun starts.  Howler monkeys are the serial stalkers in the wild–hooting through the long hours of total darkness, promising death, terror, and blood. Yi!

A camera crew somewhere off in the dark isn’t going to prevent that curious hippo from stampeding your shelter and killing the squishy folk inside.  Not only did the hungry hippo visit contestants in the dark, it ate one of the show’s cameras as a midnight snack.  I know, sounds funny, until four tons of hangry is aiming at your frail little dehydrated body.  Then it’s not.

But aside from that—people are naked on TV—ya can’t fake that. It’s so interesting that they added a little jewelry to the experience. Like the contestant is saying: I’m not a naked perv—I’m a hippie! (Though maybe it contains some kind of tracking device?) And how interesting/bizarre that Discovery Channel is doing this.  Do they need a spike in their ratings or what?

ULTIMATELY, WHAT IS THIS SHOW ABOUT? Man vs. Nature? Nah.

The average person will die without food after 21 days–the length of the contestant’s stay in the wilderness.  However, they won’t last a week without water. So, inevitably contestants are placed near water and given a machete–though not always a fire starter.  If you’ve watched Bear Grylls at all, you know the three main things you need to do in the wilderness: STAY WARM, STAY DRY, STAY HYDRATED – This show is not really about that so much. Half the people don’t know what they’re doing.

For instance, because they couldn’t get a fire going, this one guy said “f**k it,” and drank from a waterfall.  The next day, since he seemed okay, his partner drank from the waterfall too.  It’s only then that a voiceover tells us, “Cholera bacteria can take five days to make you ill.” There’s a perverse sense of dark humor at work here.  We’re meant to watch people be idiots and suffer–no doubt about it.

Most contestants seem to understand the need for water, but they often don’t work hard enough on their shelter to stay warm and dry the whole time.  Rain creeps in, the fire goes out, and ruh-roh! without a fire, the animals draw near, mosquitos bombard them, and it’s freezing cold.  All three are an invitation to sleepless nights and misery.

So is this show about Narcissist Nudists vs. America’s Blatant Appetite for Voyeurism? Yes indeed!

Or is it about stupid people? Maybe. Or maybe it’s all about expecting the unexpected–like the guy who brings forth his one survival tool: duct tape.

I don’t think contestants do this show to see if their Primitive Survival Rating improves.  They do it to have done it – or to get bizarre marriage proposals.

SO WHY IS THIS SHOW SO ADDICTIVE? In the same way that watching HOARDERS motivated me to clean my house and be thankful I wasn’t as bad as that guy, this show makes me thankful every day that I don’t have bugs crawling up my va-jay-jay.

Not to mention the extreme gratitude I now have for chairs, houses, clean running water, a fridge, clothing, safety, fruit, all the snacks, air conditioning and ALL THAT OUR PUBIC HAIR DOES FOR US.

Michael is naked and irritated--cause of all the bugs.

Michael is naked and irritated–cause of all the bugs.

Mostly though, this show inspires the would-be survivalist in me.  I want to learn how to make a bow fire, i.e. learn to start fire by rubbing two sticks together.  Like, I’m seriously thinking about going out into my yard and trying it.  I don’t want to eat critters or cover myself in mud, but I’d love to build a raft, or an above ground shelter, and learn some orienteering.

WHAT I’VE LEARNED FROM WATCHING:

  1. HOW BEAUTIFUL THAT ISLAND PARADISE LOOKS: HOW ROTTEN IT IS TO LIVE IN. After watching the show I have a real appreciation for the unappreciated sh** photographers must go through.  It’s not just venomous snakes, scorpions, and alligators everywhere, it’s the various giant beasts who view you as their reality entertainment for the night. But wait–there’s more! The trees and vines, bark and sap can sting you, melt your skin, scar you, cause you hideous rashes and pain.  Add to that the crazy weather swings where the temperature is sweat box hot in the day, but swinging down to below hypothermia levels at night.
  2. THE BUGS ARE REAL. VERY REAL. A lot of the time in Africa you see N & A’s starving contestants standing around instead of sitting. Why are they standing, you ask? Because the ticks will swarm them if they lie down. After watching this show, I feel like the glorious African Savannah is just one tick carpet. This one extremely cute guy named Michael said there was a day time set of bugs to deal with and then a whole other set of bugs came out at night. Ugh, ugh, ugh!

And finally, I learned that out in the wilderness 3. CUTE CRITTERS ARE ALWAYS THE FIRST TO DIE. :<

You may be naked, but don’t be afraid of following us at Lady Smut!

Madeline Ivaimgres writes fantasy, paranormal, and contemporary romance.  Her novella ‘Sexsomnia’ is available in our LadySmut anthology HERE, Her fantasy romance, WICKED APPRENTICE, will be out November, 2016.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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