Tag Archives: Diverse Romance

How I Married the Rock Star

1 Dec


By Alexa Day

In 1992, I married a rock star. Did you know?

I’m sure some people thought I was one of his phases. That was a big part of his career, the transition from one part of his identity to another. I’m sure people thought this was like that. Something new for him to try out.

How many times have you heard that one, right? I’ve always wanted to try one.

But this wasn’t like that at all. The man the world knew as a rock star was very different at home. When we were together, we didn’t have to wear the faces we presented to the world outside. We were just … us. Just the two of us, boyfriend and girlfriend, husband and wife, father and mother. Just us.

Our 25-year relationship might be the most vanilla thing he had ever done. But he made it extraordinary.

Fifteen days ago, I married a millionaire. Did you know?

When we started seeing each other, I didn’t know about Reddit, and I’m pretty sure he didn’t follow tennis. I wasn’t so sure about him at first. We spent a lot of time together, just hanging out. Six hours wandering around Paris. The rest grew out of that.

I wore three dresses at the wedding, starting off with a beautiful ball gown. It came with a cape. The sort of thing girls dream of wearing. Something that would let them be superheroes and princesses at the same time.

He called me a queen. He said his whole life had led him to me.

In the end, we were swept away on carousel horses.

Next spring, I’m going to marry a prince. Did you know?

How do you meet a prince? Through a well-connected friend. The same way lots of women meet princes. The same way they meet us, if they’re lucky.

His family doesn’t do things small. Spectacle might well be a shared middle name. But he and his brother know that all the opulence in the world can’t save a failing marriage, and the two of them know what makes a relationship work. More importantly, they care about what makes a relationship work. We were actually making dinner when he proposed. The prince and I. Making dinner.

The wedding’s going to be enormous. A word can’t capture how enormous it’s going to be.

After that, though, I think we go right back to being a couple living in the public eye, using the attention to do good for others, and enjoying dinners at home.

I remember the first time I heard I wasn’t beautiful.

I remember the first time someone let me know I wasn’t special.

I remember the first time I was told I’d never get married unless I shrank some part of myself and made myself small. I was too much. Too smart. Too talented. Too plain-spoken. Who would want that, after all? Who did I think I was?

I’m not the only one. You have friends — a lot of friends, I promise — who had exactly the same experience. If you’re good friends, she might tell you who let her in on these essential truths. She might tell you who made sure she knew she was so undesirable. She might not tell you. She might not ever tell anyone because she still feels a little silly for thinking she was beautiful and smart and capable and good enough and wonderful, just as she was.

The truth became a pericardium of stone. Protective at first for a little girl, or so everyone says when they realize there isn’t really an excuse for telling a little girl she isn’t beautiful. No one says that the stony wall will stifle a woman’s heart as she grows and the barrier doesn’t. That kind of a warning might lead her to think that the wall is unnecessary, and that really would be a problem. She has to live with the truth of her smallness and inadequacy, the reality that she is not beautiful, in a world wallpapered with cartoons that depict her as a man or an ape wearing a dress, where the only literature about her glorifies her for the depth and nobility of her endless suffering.

We’re not supposed to marry rock stars and millionaires.

We’re not supposed to wear glittering ball gowns with bejeweled capes.

We are certainly not supposed to face all the ways our lives will change when we join a royal family.

We’re supposed to live with the truth. Someone told us so, and they wouldn’t have sealed our hearts up with words like “not beautiful” and “not special” and “who do you think you are” if there were no truth to these words.

So it matters when someone tells any one of us that love is very different from the tomb we are taught it is.

It matters when he makes his way under or around or through the wall, like it doesn’t exist. It matters when he shows us a way under or around or through the wall.

It matters when he says, “Of course you’re beautiful! Who said that foolishness?!”

Or when he says he couldn’t sleep before your first date, like the rock star did.

Or when he says your life together is a fairy tale, like the millionaire did.

Or when he says he knew you were his match immediately upon being introduced, like the prince did.

When something like that happens to one of us, or three of us, or more of us, it happens to all of us, just like it’s happened to me.

So we all married the rock star and the millionaire, and next May, our family trees will reach up from slavery into the British royal family.

Maybe it shouldn’t be amazing, but it is.

So enjoy the spotlight. Revel in the magic.

And don’t forget to bring a little girl with you.

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Alexa Day is the USA Today bestselling author of erotica and erotic romance with heroines who are anything but innocent. In her fictional worlds, strong, smart women discover excitement, adventure, and exceptional sex. A former bartender, one-time newspaper reporter, and licensed attorney, she likes her stories with just a touch of the inappropriate, and her literary mission is to stimulate the intellect and libido of her readers.


Ingrid Goes West & Discovers O’Shea

31 Aug

O’Shea Jackson Jr. Yowza!

by Madeline Iva 

I loved this movie! It’s a satire, and send up of social media crazy.   Let’s talk about the juicy acting before tearing into the bloody guts of the film.

WARNING: vague spoilers litter this entire post.


First – O’Shea Jackson Jr. – HELLO!!!!!!

He came into a scene and I just kept watching him – OMG. Cute. Damn. I kept thinking of him as a less cranked Ice Cube – (Who I kind of obsessed over when he was a kangaroo mutant in TANK GIRL, btw.)

From the moment he was on screen kept thinking: Hey! Look at him. Ingrid? Why are you not paying attention to this guy! Go for him, Ingrid. Look!

I loved that he was playing a geeky screenwriter/batman obsessive. It is my opinion that aside from movies, TV, and romances needing hot POC guys in general, that we especially need more cute/hot/black/geeky men. (Like Echo Kellum!)

O’Shea knows how to flirt with the camera, is all I’m saying.  And –well, what do you know? I get home from watching the movie, check IMDB, and O’Shea is Ice Cube’s son.

No way! Yes, truly.

In a just world we’ll O’Shea Jackson Jr. rise to super-stardom.

Side note for Billy Mangusson: I saw him in Damsels in Distress.  Do I like his ken-doll good looks? No. Ken dolls have never done it for me.  So I don’t feel obliged to mention him here because of his hotness factor—for me he registers a zero on that scale. But his manic energy made an impression. He was good – perfect even, in his loathsome movie role. He’s a character actor in the body of a Ken Doll (which he can’t help of course–) and I first saw him in Damsels in Distress—which is a great daffy movie, btw, check it out.

Finally: Aubrey Plaza. She’s so good it hurts. She’s doing the crazy-manic thing well, of course, as the role calls for. But Plaza is also going through hip moves like a gymnast nailing the landing. She’s so on it when it comes to social tracking.  It’s like she knows how to rate social currencies up and down like she’s the Tokyo stock exchange.

But that’s when her character is barely in control. When her character spins out of control, then we are watching straight up humiliation humor of the kind we’ve long been familiar with when it comes to comedic actors like Jerry Lewis (R.I.P.) and Ben Stiller, but that we see far less in women (with the genius exception of Molly Shannon’s Mary Katherine Gallagher on SNL). My sweetie had to hide his eyes during these parts of the film. “I can’t watch.” But I was rejoicing in Ingrid’s social belly flops.

Aubrey Plaza has her own unique persona going on, with a misanthropic attitude and deadpan voice.  We think we’d quickly get tired of this one note, but Plaza will surprise you.  She has no fear of taking her audience to other dimensions of her comedic range. She also reached into emotional points you didn’t think she’d necessarily be able to handle, giving her stiffly uninflected comedic axe. But this is what we know of Aubrey Plaza – she works it and she works it hard as an actress. She pushes higher, deeper, and lower than one would have thought she could go. I’ve noticed in movies and in TV that Plaza is always better than you think she’s going to be.  She’s one to watch.

Here are two other great movies she was in—be sure to check them out:  SAFETY NOT GUARANTEED and LIFE AFTER BETH.  She also had a small role in DAMSELS IN DISTRESS (Hey! Maybe that’s where she met Billy…)


STYLING: First of all, the movie, appropriately enough, it was beautifully directed, in a totally classic instagram style. You know what I mean – that understated boho thing (and by understated we do NOT mean inexpensive or second hand.) At the same time ‘the look’ invokes color drenched quirkiness, it also should invoke the clean look of big open spaces:  sort of like a fresh ocean breeze off the Malibu shore as it wafts across the bodies of billionaires meditating on the beach.  The movie did this very well — well done, movie!


CLAIM ONE: The obvious message: If you’re mistaking social media connections for real relationships—you’re cray-cray!

And yes, we (I) need reminding that:

  1. there is a life beyond social media (I know, so hard for you youngins who’ve never experienced anything but.)
  2. You need a few real people to have relationships with in your life–at least.
  3. It’s okay to have thousands of great acquaintances on social media –just remember they’re acquaintances.
  4. Social media is a reflection of our lives—not our actual lives.

Even so, some might say that social media is a more insidious evil. I had a friend who once gave a critique of the TV show Friends by saying: The problem is that they’re all so funny, so gorgeous, and well dressed. They make me dissatisfied with my real friends. I take her point.

Do all the pretty people on social media ruin us for “real life”? Hmmmm. I want to say I don’t think so – but you have to be strong about limiting your social media intake.  And this is where I feel the movie plays an important role in inviting us to examine our lives vis-a-vis social media.  For instance, looking back on it, I would say that yes, my Sweetie and I do socialize in person a bit less than we used to in the years before we joined fb.

Which brings us to claim #2 that INGRID GOES WEST makes:

People who are on the other end of the selfie stick – the “influencers” on social media — look down upon their followers/worshipers and, when you meet them in person, they are shallow and inauthentic.  My response to this is twofold:

One: Maybe some do — (I’m looking at you, Kim Kardashian) but I don’t.  I also don’t think I’m an influencer.  So.

Two: The world is chock full of people who were shallow and inauthentic and yet popular and somewhat famous L-O-N-G before social media came along.  So what’s really changed?

Yet the film is at it’s best, I think, when it shows that there is more to Taylor’s life than her instagram feed presents. Her nervous monitoring of her husband’s artistic career and satisfaction comes to mind.  There was something about the role that radiated a sense of instability (Good job Elizabeth Olsen!) that rang incredibly true to me.

On the other hand, as expected, Taylor (Elizabeth Olsen) stops the great moments that are happening in her life to capture the moment so it meets her ruthless instagram standards.  Ingrid of course, is at that point where if it didn’t get captured on social media, it didn’t count. She takes every instance of these friend selfies as a quasi-religious moment to savor.  Personally, I think most of us just wear out before we hit the Taylor point in our lives.   Or at least I do — I go to weddings, or author events and I take a lot of pictures and post them on social media –but then I’m done! I’ve experienced something, I’ve put it out there, moving on now!

After seeing the movie I wanted to go out and dig into these issues of social media, our place in them, and the social ethics involved.   Sweetie wanted to dismiss the movie. It made him uncomfortable in parts, and he didn’t see it the edgy double-bladed sword of truth like I did. INGRID GOES WEST offers up a chance to examine our relationship to social media–the ways in which we revel and triumph in it, and the ways in which it undercuts what keeps us stable and sane in our real lives. I say these are good conversations worth having.

So FRIEND— go see the movie already! Talk to me about your thoughts regarding the movie down below.  : >

And since we’re talking about social media–I’m glad you’ve found us at Lady Smut. I’m glad that you want to take this journey we’re on as we explore the possibilities of a women-friendly, sex-positive world. We’re here to share our favorite romances with you—many of them smoking hot—and we’re glad you took some of your valuable time to park your attention here for a few minutes every day.

I never feel inauthentic when it comes to the people who support Lady Smut. I appreciate you all every day.  Whether you’re on a lunch break at work or at home in bed sobbing over a shitty love life—we’re here to cheer you up, and let you know others out there are smart, intelligent women who love romance. We think the way you do.


Madeline Iva is the author of the fantasy romance Wicked Apprentice.  You can’t follow her on Instagram, but you can join her newsletter.



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