Tag Archives: relationships

Giant Girls and the Men Who Want Them: Macrophilia 101

9 Jun

According to Playboy and the recent Pornhub annual report, giantess women are the new big thing in fantasyland. The demand for macrophiliac images, videos, and stories are on the rise and show no sign of slowing.  macrophilia-fetish-the-men-who-want-to-have-sex-with-actual-giants-body-image-1477499129

In case you’re not one of those typing in “giant woman porn” and hitting search, a macrogynophile is someone, usually a man, who is sexually attracted to a giant person, usually a woman. The word macrophilia translates to “lover of large.” The largeness is typically in height. Even though new giantess sites are now popping up all over the internet this passion isn’t new. Are you familiar with the ’58 movie, Attack of the 50 Foot Woman? You know the one about the beautiful woman who’s turned into a vengeful magnificent giant after encountering some aliens? Oddly sexy, right? How about the adventures of Tom Thumb–I mean the original from the Brothers Grimm. Weirdly intriguing.

Men who long for giant woman dream about being smothered by her huge breasts, 280758d832bcd76453e03d891714f5a1squashed beneath her behemoth feet, or–a special subfantasy of the giantess crowd–vore–which is being eaten by this gorgeous gargantuan. Swallowed whole.

Why, you want to know? Other than the obvious, the idea of being overtaken by a giant woman is kinky and unique, why would a guy be particularly excited by a giant woman? One theory is that because in most societies men are seen as powerful and dominant, they find the idea of being released from the pressure and responsibility that comes along with those assumptions both freeing and frightening. This combination ignites the fight or flight instinct and by choosing to fight, even in their imagination, they get an adrenaline rush. That leads to arousal and… You see? In this case the fear is safe–like the rush you get from watching a good horror movie. Another theory is that one often applied to kinks and fetishes. An adolescent experiences something non-sexual yet he is suddenly and inexplicably powerfully aroused, and so from that moment forward the person associates sexual arousal with the otherwise non-sexual experience or object.

Frequently there are BDSM themes or erotic humiliation elements woven into the giantess fantasies. According to sex therapist Pamela Supple, “Power, domination and vulnerability are at the heart of macrophilia.”It’s allowing your mind to go wherever it wants to go, whilst engaging in play to gain the maximum sexual arousal. Some want to feel and experience terror – being crushed or controlled. Everyone is different in what they want to experience.” Supple also believes macrophilia has enjoyed a massive surge in popularity in the past few years, citing the internet’s crucial role in helping to both create and facilitate the fetish. And, in some cases, introducing the fetish to those who have been looking for a name for what they feel.

Obviously, this particular fantasy can be difficult to act out in real life, as 50 foot women are hard to find. However, there are some unusually tall women who specialize in catering to men who love them for their statuesque stature.

Women, if you’re feeling left out, and wonder if there is a parallel world where you get to fantasize about giant men, the answer is yes. It’s just not as common. The speculation on this is that there isn’t enough reality breaking to really give this traction. Men are already typically bigger, we’re accustomed to being somewhat smaller. So the step outside of the usual just isn’t that far. Still, if you’re one of the rare women who share this interest, check out https://giantesskatelyn.com/.

Shout out in the comments, let us know what you think about these hot, giant women. And, follow us at Lady Smut! But wait, there’s more: Subscribe to our saucy monthly newsletter!

-An Anthology of Romance and Horror-mediumIsabelle Drake writes erotica, erotic romance, urban fantasy, and young adult thrillers. Her latest story, BAIT, features a woman who hunts and sells zombies, can be found in the horror anthology GONE WITH THE DEAD.

Never Have You Ever Ever, sex-positive game, home and office edition.

12 May
mic

Can you believe they trusted me with the mic?

What do sweet tea, brownies, free books, prize boxes filled with sex toys, swag bags featuring sexy body chains from Unbound Boxes, and highly personal, potentially inappropriate questions about your sex life have in common? If you joined us at the raved about Lady Smut Blogger’s RTBooklover’s convention event, Never Have You Ever Ever, you already know the answer.

If you weren’t able to join us, no worries. You don’t have to wait until next year to play. Here is the Never Have You Ever Ever home and office edition. How do you play?

  1. Gather a group of your friends.
  2. Do a trial run to make sure they know how to raise their hand. Do this by asking, “Do you want to play this highly personal and potentially inappropriate game?” Anyone who raises their hand is in.

Now that they’re in, here are the rules:

  1. You ask a question.
  2. If their answer is “yes,” they raise their hand.
  3. If their hand is up, they are still in the running to win.
  4. If their hand goes down, they’re out.

Variation: allow game players to rejoin if their subsequent answer are “yes.” To do this, they simply raise their hand to get back in. Later, you can switch to sudden death.

Variation: add your own questions.

boxes

Unbound Boxes, filled with sex toys.

The first round is the sweetness round. Here, the sweetest of the sweet is revealed. The sweetness finalists who attended our RT event were gifted with a box of sex toys…but, maybe you could simply offer your winners the great, well-kept secret underground website that only very few people know about: PORNHUB.

Ready, set, read the questions to reveal the sweetest of the sweet.

  • Raise your hand if you’ve had less than 2 sexual relationships in your whole life.
  • Keep your hand up if you’ve NEVER given or received oral sex.
  • Keep your hand up if you’ve NEVER EVER tried masturbating.
  • Keep your hand up if you’re a vaginal virgin.
  • Keep your hand up if you’ve NEVER EVER EVER French kissed someone.

The second round is the naughty round. Who among you has done…if not all, a lot. Same rules. Hand up for yes. Down for no. Again our RT finalists were gifted with an awesome box of sex toys. What should you give your winner? How about a pad of paper and a pen, so they can start writing some steamy romances for us all to read.

  • Raise your hand if you’ve ever done any role-playing.
  • Keep your hand up if you have any piercings below your neck.

    hostess

    Hostesses Kris, Elizabeth, Isabelle & Stephy. 

  • Keep your hand up if you’ve ever intentionally seduced someone.
  • Keep your hand up if it’s not your bellybutton.
  • Keep your hand up if you’ve ever gotten or given a lap dance.
  • Keep your hand up if you’ve ever done any bondage or spanking.
  • Keep your hand up if you’re a member of the mile high club.
  • Keep your hand up if you’ve ever had sex with a younger person (by which we mean you were over the age of 30, and the person was at least 9 years younger).
  • Keep your hand up if you’ve ever had anal sex.
  • Keep your hand up if you’ve ever used a strap on toy .
  • Keep your hand up if you’ve ever interacted with a stripper or stripper–male or female.
  • Keep your hand up if you’ve ever had sex with more than one person at the same time?
  • Keep your hand up if you have been, or been with, a unicorn.
  • Keep your hand up if you’ve ever participated in an orgy.
  • Keep your hand up if you have a rumpus room at home.

There you have it, the official, abbreviated home and office edition of the first ever Lady Smut sex-positive game.

Start playing, folks! Share your discoveries and results in the comments! Follow us at Lady Smut! Subscribe to our saucy monthly newsletter!

-An Anthology of Romance and Horror-mediumIsabelle Drake writes erotica, erotic romance, urban fantasy, and young adult thrillers. Her latest story, BAIT, features a woman who hunts and sells zombies, can be found in the horror anthology GONE WITH THE DEAD.

As Young As We Feel? Considering the Younger Man

11 Apr

Don’t laugh. One person’s pacifier is another person’s sex toy.

By Alexa Day

I’ve never been one to do things just because other people are doing them. I’m content to let everyone else jump off the bridge our mothers told us so much about.

But now Cindy Gallop has me thinking about dating younger men.

I often struggle to explain who Cindy Gallop is and why her opinion matters so much to me. My knee-jerk response is usually, “Cindy Gallop is life! Cindy Gallop is a hero!” You all are probably looking for more than that, though, so let’s get you some facts.

Cindy developed Make Love, Not Porn, a video-sharing platform through which participants can upload videos of themselves having real-world sex with their partners, and stream videos posted by others. Her search for investors demonstrated that people are generally uncomfortable with openly supporting sex-positive businesses. But years of success in a male-dominated field (advertising), along with an understanding of how women do business (we “share the shit out of” the things we like), have made her quite an influencer in the realms of sex, gender, and business. Cindy once said she was the first person to include the phrase “come on my face” during a TED talk. In fact, I wrote about her at the 2014 Romance Festival, where she rocked my world.

Cindy has dated younger men for years. It’s part of the reason she came up with MLNP. Her younger partners learned everything they knew about sex from porn, to everyone’s detriment. MLNP, which bills itself as “pro-sex, pro-porn, and pro-knowing the difference,” offered viewers a more realistic set of videos to learn from. Or just to enjoy. You know, the days are getting longer as the seasons change.

When I first heard the MLNP origin story, I remember shaking my head and thinking that’s what comes of dating younger dudes. Now I’m not so sure. Now I’m starting to think it might be a good idea.

And it’s not just because I’m getting a little older myself.

I tend to be more about the older guys. They’re more established. Their self-confidence comes from life experience. They know who they are and what they want.

But Cindy says much of this is also true of younger guys … and they’re really good in bed.

This January, in New York Magazine, Cindy wrote “Why Sleeping with Younger Men Is Best — No Matter How Old You Are.” In the article, she said her primary criterion for choosing a new man was a simple one. He had to be nice. Everything else followed from that. No need to worry about what he thinks of your body — he’s a good guy. Your emotions are safe with him. When you make sure you only date the nice ones, she says, you’re only spending time with the men you respect and admire. “You meet younger men who appreciate everything about older women,” she says.

That makes sense. As much as I want to tell myself that they only have to be nice if we’re going to talk afterwards, I can see how having a nice partner, how making that a priority, would reduce unnecessary stress and make for a more pleasant experience. Even if this isn’t going to lead to a relationship, having a good person as a partner just makes things easier and, according to Cindy, sexier.

About the sex. According to Cindy, the sex itself is the icing on the cake — stamina, confidence, and short recovery periods — but icing is important, even when the cake is pretty damn good. Now, the older guys are pretty spectacular in their own way. Far fewer of them, I would wager, are still looking to porn for technique. Years of experience have made them creative. They already know what they do well. Still. Maybe there’s something to be said for a little more physical prowess and dare I say, a touch of innocence?

While a lot of women might avoid revealing their bodies to a younger lover, for fear of what that hardbodied fellow might think, Cindy doesn’t have that problem. Of course, it helps that Cindy has boatloads of self-confidence. She’s not all that concerned about what any man might think of her body — she thinks she looks fantastic. Besides, she’s not going for those superficial souls who might have something to say, since her rule is “nice guys only.” She’s also not trying to get married. Wedlock and children have never been part of her master plan. Her chain of younger lovers, in short-term and long-term relationships, is the romantic solution that works for her. She doesn’t have to worry about any one man’s opinion for any longer than she wants.

Cindy says society tends to approve more of older men with younger women. I wonder, if that’s true, why the general public has so much to say about older women with younger partners. Is it the old discomfort with women being single at a certain age? Is it the sense that an older woman is more in control of her life, and by extension, her relationship? Is it our prudish society rebelling against a grown woman’s choice to have a younger sex partner, with all the superficial frills and thrills?

Damn, is it just jealousy?

One thing is for sure: the disapproval of prudes and nosy people isn’t going to stop Cindy Gallop. It never has.

Maybe that’s why I’m considering taking a page out of her book.

Follow Lady Smut … all the way to Atlanta! Join LadySmut bloggers at the RT Booklovers Convention May 3-7, especially at our super special reader event – Never Have You Ever, Ever, Ever. Win crowns, fetish toys, books and more. Goodybags to first 100 people in line! Wednesday, May 3 at 1:30 p.m. Link: https://www.rtconvention.com/event/never-have-you-ever-ever-ever

If You’re An Alpha Female Looking For Love You’re Totally Doomed

1 Mar

By Elizabeth Shore

Are you an alpha female? Do you, for instance, always need to be right? Are you a perfectionist or overachiever? Are you a drill sergeant?

If you’ve answered yes to one or more of these questions, you are, according to author and frequent Fox news contributor Suzanne Venker, an alpha female. And if you’re an alpha female, and you happen to be married, well, good luck with that, honey. Your marriage is screwed.

See, according to Venker – the niece of rabid conservative anti-feminist Phyllis Schlafly – in her new book, The Alpha Female’s Guide to Love and Marriage, “If you took the alpha wife quiz and determined you’re an alpha, I have some news that at first will be hard to swallow: you’re going to have to cede control. If you don’t, your marriage or relationship will continue to be one giant fight.”

Yowza! That sounds ominous. I don’t want a bad relationship. Or “one giant fight.” Who does? Well, apparently, all those evil feminists, that’s who. Feminists are the cause of all relationship ills. Did you know that? Me, neither. But Venker’s book includes former Fox news anchor E.D. Hill’s assertion that her need for self-reliance led to a “power struggle” with her husband and that, “along with other issues” (who knows what those were), led to her divorce. This leads Venker to the following conclusion:

“Thanks to feminism, this ‘power struggle’ Hill describes is par for the course. Women today are effectively at war with the men in their lives, sometimes unknowingly. Even women who don’t consider themselves feminist have a feminist mind and as a result don’t understand men and marriage. The idea that the sexes are “equal,” as in the same, has supplanted what past generations have always known: that men and women are vastly different creatures. And that dismissing those differences makes marriage hell.”

Huh. So, wow. There’s a revelation for you, right? Men and women are vastly different creatures. Who knew! Well, apparently only past generations and not the dim-witted alpha females of today. So asserts Ms. Venker. And if you’re not bright enough to acknowledge those differences – and cede all control, let’s not forget that – then you’ve just punched your ticket to relationship purgatory. Take that, alpha female.

But, wait. About that quiz…above I only pulled out 3 of the 13 questions that help you determine whether you’re an alpha female. To help you out, the whole quiz is listed below, taken directly from Suzanne Venker’s website:

  • Do you feel nervous or out of control when you’re not the one in charge?
  • Are you a perfectionist or an overachiever?
  • Do you sometimes feel superior to your husband, as though he needs you to show him how to do things? (How to dress, what to say, how to grocery shop, how to parent, etc.)
  • Do you take your everyday frustrations out on your husband as though he’s the cause of those frustrations?
  • Do you generally expect your husband to go along with your plans, as opposed to the other way around?
  • When you listen to your husband, are you immediately formulating a response in your head before he’s finished speaking?
  • Do you roll your eyes when your husband says something with which you disagree or disapprove?
  • Do you frequently contradict your husband? (If your answer is no, would your husband agree?)
  • Are you a drill sergeant?
  • Do you tease your husband in front of others in a manner that could be construed as disrespectful?
  • Do you need to be right?
  • Do you frequently interrupt your husband or talk over him, even in public? (If your answer is no, would your husband agree?)
  • Does your marriage feel like one giant power struggle? (If your answer is no, would your husband agree?)

The more questions to which you answer in the affirmative, says, Venker, the more alpha you are. Well, hold on there, missy. Here’s my quibble with the damn quiz. In my world, if someone publically humiliates her spouse, or frequently contradicts him, or rolls her eyes when he’s speaking, I wouldn’t call her an alpha female. I’d call her an a**hole. Behaving like that isn’t asserting your alpha, it’s just being rude. Call me crazy, but to me an alpha female is a strong, confident, hard-working woman who knows what she wants and has the courage to pursue it. You know, kinda like an alpha man.

Some additional relationship insight from Ms. Venker: “insisting that a woman doesn’t need a man is a terrible precedent for marriage.” Again, I’ve gotta disagree with you there, Suz. I don’t think the basis for a good marriage is “needing” a man. I think it’s wanting him. Wanting the love, respect, support, and partnership that we should all receive in a relationship. Isn’t that the reason for having one in the first place? What it doesn’t mean is having to “cede” all control and letting the man always be in charge. Sometimes he is; sometimes you are. You find the balance that works for you both.

Elizabeth Shore writes both contemporary and historical erotic romance. Her newest book is an erotic historical novella, Desire Rising, from The Wild Rose Press. Other releases include Hot Bayou Nights and The Lady Smut Book of Dark Desires

 

 

 

Bondage Rope Starter Guide: the busy woman’s cheat sheet on what to get to get what you want.

10 Feb

by Isabelle Drake

Thinking about buying some bondage rope? If you are, you won’t be alone this weekend.

First time thinking about buying rope? Again, you won’t be alone this weekend.

Headed to the hardware store because you want that rope – in – a – hurry?

Sounds good. But you may want to think about what’s going to work best for you ahead of time. You know, to avoid that awkward moment when the helpful salesperson asks you what type you want then, in attempt to assist you better, asks you what you want it for. See what I mean?rope-tape-cable-ties

There are three things to consider.

Fiber

Think of fiber as the rope’s texture and appearance. It’s what the rope is made from, so fiber determines the look, texture, pliability, smell, and overall aesthetic. The four most common fibers used in bondage are hemp, jute, nylon and MFP.

hemprope.jpg

Hemp rope

Hemp

Thanks to the fact that its natural, hemp offers great smell and texture. It’s soft but strong. It ‘breathes’ and bends, tucking itself into the contours of the body. The texture makes it easy to secure knots and this rope adjusts to varying tension levels.

Bonus, it has great old-school appeal, making it easy to imagine you’re being bound by a pirate or roped by a cowboy.

Notes on hemp:

  • it can be put through the washer but looses strength with each washing.
  • it looks wonderful in person but is hard to photograph.
  • its more expensive than the other commonly used roped.

 

jute.jpg

Jute rope

Jute

Jute, the other natural choice, is nearly the opposite of hemp.

This fiber starts out very strong, sturdy and rough. This makes it a favorite of those who prefer edge in their rope play. That same firm texture makes it hold knots very well and photograph really well.

Bonus, this rope is light and so travels well. And yes, it also has that old school appeal of hemp.

Notes on jute:

  • it has enough grip to stay in place, but not as much as hemp. As a result, careful tensioning is required when using jute.
  • it can be tricky to wash and must be stretch dried to retain length.
  • it requires careful selection when purchasing. Be sure to ask about the weave, as loosely woven jute will not last very long.

Nylon and MFP (multi-fiber polypropylene)

1424207683-fifty-shades-of-grey-rope.jpg

Nylon rope

These are manufactured, oil-based ropes, so cost quite a bit less than the natural alternatives. Because they are not natural, they maintain their round shape consistently and over a long period. They both wash easily and can be used in the water.

Something to consider, they don’t hold body heat. As a result, some users find these feel less natural and say they fell disconnected from these ropes.

Bonus, these fibers comes in many bright colors, are super shiny and photograph great.

Notes on nylon and MFP:

  • in regard to weight, they are about the same as jute.
  • they are very strong.
  • they can be tricky to use as they are slippery so tension can be difficult to control.

Diameter

A good diameter to start with is between 4mm-8mm. 7mm and 8mm are frequently selected due to strength and comfort. Obviously, strength is very important when considering suspension. Also, the thicker ropes are easier on the skin and, as a result, are the better option for longer bondage sessions.

Thickness impacts rope stiffness and weight. Thicker ropes are more stiff. The stiffer the rope is, the less pliable it is. Therefore, knots and intricate patterns can be difficult. Thicker ropes are also heavier and, consequently, more difficult to transport.

Length

In regard to length, consider what the rope will be used for, ie, simple wrist ties or full body suspension, and the size of the person being bound.  The North American standard is about 30 feet, with 15 foot spares. The Japanese have a more complicated system of deciding rope length, basing the decision on the measurements of the rigger. The idea is to use a length that the rigger can work with easily and fluidly. That measurement is typically between 23 and 27 feet with 12.5 foot spares.

Not buying any rope for yourself? No worries. In an effort to make this knowledge useful, take yourself to the opening of FIFTY this weekend, reread your tattered paperbacks, and check out what they use, see if you would have made the same selections.

Be sure to come back all next week for our Fifty Shades Darker Celebration and Valentine’s Giveaway. We’ll be doing it Lady Smut style!

fifty-ball

Isabelle Drake writes erotica, erotic romance, urban fantasy, and young adult thrillers. She’s also working on her own sexy android erotica.

What are you doing for Valentine’s Day? Taking a bath with your book boyfriend?

Click to see other wonderful spa items from Lux Aromatica.

This Valentine’s Day weekend, we’re offering a Kama Sutra giveaway from Lux Aromatica that includes massage oil, soap, a candle, and lip balm.

To enter the giveaway, hit the SUBSCRIBE button on our blog now–it’s the pink button up at the top on the right–and fill out the form.  One random winner will be chosen from central Virginia where Kerensa’s stores are located and one random winner from the nation at large. (Continental US only, please!)

Turned on by wires & circuits? Intrigued by the opportunity to pre-program your experience? Robot fetish 101

13 Jan

By Isabelle Drake

Want to get busy with a techno man?  Interested in androids? Love the AMC show Humans?

If you are a Duran, Duran fan, or remember the old school video to Electric Barbarella, the sexy robot thing is nothing new to you.

Here’s something that might be new. Robot fetishism, considered part of technosexuality, is divided into two usually separate fantasies:

  • Sex with a person dressed in a robot costume, a person acting like a robot, or sex with pre-made sex android robot.
  • Sex with person who has been willingly or unwillingly transformed into a robot or being transformed into a robot oneself and subsequently having sex. The transformation is of key interest in this fantasy.

Both of these interests stem from the uncanniness of the android.

Ernst Jentsch, credited with being the first to identify the state of the uncanny in a 1906 essay, “On the Psychology of the Uncanny,” defines the state as a person’s “doubts whether an apparently animate being is really alive; or conversely, whether a lifeless object might be, in fact, animate.” He was quick to note that awareness and understanding of such a state is important to a fiction writer. “In telling a story one of the most successful devices for easily creating uncanny effects is to leave the reader in uncertainty whether a particular figure in the story is a human being or an automaton and to do it in such a way that his attention is not focused directly upon his uncertainty, so that he may not be led to go into the matter and clear it up immediately.”

In the show, Humans, Anita confesses her love for Ed the scene is both compelling and disturbing. According to Sigmund Freud the basis for this reaction in the uncanny.

In his essay, “The Uncanny” Freud expanded this concept of the uncanny state being linked to the relationship between the animate and the innate. Additionally, he examined concepts of human development in regard to maturation as having a key relationship to a person’s perception of what is uncanny. For example, in childhood humans enjoy repetition. This appreciation begins before the child is old enough to desire, or even understand, control. As the child matures, and begins to understand the advantage of control and thus desires it, the child takes less pleasure in repetition.

Therefore, continued, undesired, and uncontrollable repetition is disturbing because it represents a lack of control and thus regression and is therefore potentially alarming. Freud asserted that the state of the uncanny is linked to the subconscious in additional way. He stated that a person experiences something as uncanny because it reminds the individual of the conflict between their repressed desires, desires which the individual presumably struggles to control, and feared punishment for deviating from societal norms.

Tell us what you think in the comments. Are human-like robots sexy or scary? Want to get busy with an android?7818008_f260

And – follow us here at Lady Smut. We’re always here to inform, entertain, and keep you up to date.

Isabelle Drake writes erotica, erotic romance, urban fantasy, and young adult thrillers. She’s also working on her own sexy android erotica.

Dear men over forty,

11 Nov

by Isabelle Drake.

I little while back, I had an experience that got me thinking.

While at an intimate party, a guy came up to me and gave me the once over. You know what I’m talking about, that head to toe assessment. While I’m wondering why he didn’t have the decency to at least do that from a distance, so I could politely turn away and save us both additional awkwardness (and in his case some wasted time), he says, “hi.”

Before I finish this story, and get back to to the real point of this post, let me tell you guys, we hate the hi. Here are a woman’s options in response to the hi.

  • Be polite and say hi even if we have no interest in continuing the conversation. Most of us pick this, because of societal expectations and all that.
  • Say nothing, look away. The risk here is the follow -up hi.
  • Say nothing, snarl obviously, look away. Result, being bummed or annoyed that we had to act that way just to be left alone.

You’re thinking, what if she likes me? Wants me to say “hi”? If she likes you, don’t waste time on the hi. Just start talking. Bonus, if she doesn’t like you like that, she may be happy to chat about whatever it is you’ve just brought up.

Ok. Off that soap download_6_2box and back to my party story then on to the soap box I came here to actually get up on.

After I reply with my polite hi, he asks me, “Are you here with anyone?” Me: yes. Him: Who? Me, pointing to my date, that guy. Him: The big one? Me thinking, yeah, at 6’4″ and 220, I guess he’s big: Yes. He gives my date that once over, then, I guess deciding I’m not worth getting punched in the face by the big guy, shrugs, says not a single word, then walks off. Seriously? No, this isn’t the only time this sort of thing has happened.

So, gents over forty, have you ever wondered why your wife/girlfriend/office romance/favorite barista and every other reasonable woman in your life reads super hot books with to-die-for heroes?

Aside from the fact that these books rock, it might be because these women miss days when a man spent more than three minutes trying to get their attention, seduce them, and get them into bed. I know, at forty+ it may seem like there isn’t time to waste on sexy getting-to-know-you conversation and that split-second too-long-to-be-polite stares might not net a night of sex, but I’m here to tell you, the night of sex you do after putting in some effort will be much, much better for it.

Contrast these approaches:

Approach A. You see a woman at a bar that you think is hot so you go right up to her. Instead of asking her name, you ask her if she has her own car there. She says yes. Then, you impress her with, “I’m a dentist because I’m good with my hands; want to go to my place? Okay if we take your car?”

Approach B. You see a woman at a bar. You think she’s hot, so you stare at her. She catches you starting and stares back. But then looks away. You move around to the other side of the bar. You stare again. She catches you again, stares back a bit longer, then looks away. You repeat this two more times. You do not get impatient. Instead, you get that her being stared at is turning her on. As a mature guy, you know if she didn’t think you were hot she would not stare back. Finally, when her body language tells you she’d ready to talk–shoulders facing you–you go up and say hi. You tell her your name. You ask her name. Then, you ask her something fun. Note ask – not tell. Why? She does not want to be impressed, she wants to have fun.

Since you are a man, I’ll be direct. Approach B is better.0796

Married men, you aren’t off the hook. You still can and should seduce your wife, so you too are going to want to go with approach B.

It’s never too late to switch it up and put some effort in. Next time a woman near you is reading something hot and looks up from the page with a misty expression and a soft sigh on her lips, remember what I told you.

Also remember, just because you’re a man doesn’t mean you can’t follow us here at Lady Smut. We’re always here to inform, entertain, and keep everyone–women and men–up to date.

Isabelle Drake writes erotica, erotic romance, urban fantasy, and young adult thrillers.

Of Wings and Women

16 Aug
These two might not be doing it right.

These two might not be doing it right.

By Alexa Day

Zig Ziglar had this to say about the fine art of having it all: “You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help other people get what they want.”

He probably wasn’t talking about being a wingwoman, but his message about service definitely applies.

What’s a wingwoman? Glad you asked.

The wingwoman accompanies a friend, either male or female, to a target-rich environment, to facilitate the friend’s meeting other people for fun, romance, and perhaps sexytimes.

A wingwoman’s job isn’t easy, although the best practitioners make it look that way. The real virtuosos are hard to find. In my time, I have known exactly three, two of whom have moved far enough away that I can no longer call on them when I need support.

I do think the requisite skills can be taught. It just takes a little patience.

Want to give it a whirl? Find yourself a single friend — for our purposes, I’m talking about another woman — and prepare to learn a thing or two about a thing or two.

The first thing to consider as you enter WingWorld? It isn’t about you. Indeed, if there are two of you, I think you are best served to take turns. You could either decide that one of you is going to be the wing all night long, or you can switch off as you go from place to place. But I’ve seen people try to wing for each other simultaneously, and it doesn’t work all that well.

Your job as the wing is to make sure your friend is getting what she wants. You’re not getting what you want for her. You’re not getting what you want, unless you just want her to be happy. You don’t even get to pick the place. All this is about your friend. Make sure you’re both dressed appropriately, and then let her lead.

Now that you know your role, let’s see how this plays out on the ground. Follow along with me, won’t you?

1. Show up a little early. If you’re at your destination on the early side, say during the beginning of happy hour, you’ll get a nice place to sit. Do not concern yourself with hanging out there for a long time after you are done eating. Smart bartenders don’t mind sharp-looking ladies chilling at the bar because we encourage sharp-looking fellas to buy themselves a drink and then to buy a little something for us. It’s Zig Ziglar’s theory in action.

Are you the sort of woman who insists on buying her own drinks? Don’t let me tell you to stop. I, however, am not that sort of woman, so you might need a couple of grains of salt to work with me.

2. Bend the conversation. Be open and welcoming to everyone. Converse. Flirt. Have fun. But remember your job. Tell him what you do, but play up your friend’s job. Accept a compliment about that dazzling choker; you borrowed it from your bud. Try to be subtle. Bend the conversation, but don’t force it. Your friend has likely joined the conversation at the same time you did, but remember — your job is to serve.

3. Check in. I mentioned a moment ago that this is not about what you want for your friend; it’s about what your friend wants. I see way too many wingwannabes trying to steer their friends toward men in whom their friends have no interest at all. That’s kind of like what the Urban Dictionary calls a Bowling Ball Present: something you give another person that’s really intended for you. It’s obnoxious. Checking in with your friend from time to time ensures that she is getting the intended search results.

4. Consider your exit strategy, or as they say in the Thunderdome: Two women enter, one woman leaves. If you have accomplished your mission and introduced your friend to the hottie of her choosing, it’s time for you to get out of the way. Be delicate. In my experience as the wingwoman, I’ve found it effective to wait until my friend’s new friend gets up for some reason (like the bathroom). During his absence, I check in with my friend and take my leave if she’s all set. I’ve fallen back on the legendary early meeting. If it looks like the two of them are moving on to the next bar, I’ve noped out to leave them alone.

Exit strategy is not without risk.

If your friend is too inebriated to effectively participate in exit strategy, you don’t go anywhere (except to take her home). If your friend is not enthusiastic about exit strategy, you don’t exit. If you have intuition that risk exists, you declare this. If you do exit, you do still have to check in, both during the course of the evening and at an appropriate time in the morning. It is impossible to eliminate risk in our world, but risk can be reduced to manageable levels.

5. Celebrate. If you reached the exit successfully, it’s time to start thinking about your turn. Maybe next time she’s your wing. If you’re not in the market for free-range gentlemen, maybe you just make her buy the drinks and tell those secrets.

Either way, isn’t volunteering grand?

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Watch Porn – It’s Good For You!

27 Jul

By Elizabeth Shore

Okay, so before I begin, let me just throw a little reminder out there. I’m referring to the one that says: don’t shoot the messenger. I’m going to be talking about porn in this post – as you no doubt figured from the title – and that topic can be as divisive as Trump vs Clinton. Dogs vs cats. Chocolate vs potato chips. You get the picture. So remember, if you would, that I’m just your intrepid Lady Smut blogger bringing you the dirt, so please don’t turn it into mud and fling it at me.

With that disclosure out of the way, let’s talk about porn! Today’s specific topic involves the assertion, by a team of researchers involved in a porn study, that acceptance of porn’s use in a relationship can actually help the relationship. Now this, thought I, is interesting. Usually what you read pertains to how much one partner or the other’s viewing of porn is fraught with disastrous relationship consequences. Women in particular feel belittled when they find out the virtual folks at sex.com know their partners as well as bartenders at Cheers know their regulars. If only I were slimmer, they think, or had bigger breasts, were more sexually active, liked anal play, etc etc etc he wouldn’t be looking at porn. If only their alleged shortcomings could be ignored, things would be so much better and their partners wouldn’t be looking at porn. The conclusions a woman may draw about herself upon discovering her partner’s viewing porn can be damning and make her feel as if she’ll never be quite desirable enough. It’s a conclusion, researchers say, that’s miles away from the truth.

Here’s a question, and answer it honestly. Have you and your sexual partner had a completely candid, out-in-the-open, no-holds-barred conversation about your sexual desires? If your partner was taken into a room by himself and required to tell someone everything they know about what you like, what turns you on, what every single one of your sexual fantasies are, would he be able to do it? And in the reverse, would you be able to do so about him? Do you feel confident that you know about all of his sexual fantasies? If the answer to both questions is yes, you’re apparently in a vast minority. According to researcher David Ley, a clinical psychologist and author of Ethical Porn for Dicks: A Man’s Guide to Responsible Viewing Pleasurethere are many reasons why a man doesn’t feel comfortable discussing his sexual fantasies with his partner. He might be ashamed, afraid of being judged, concerned that something he wants will be viewed unfavorably from her. So he keeps silent and turns to porn instead of dealing with a potential uncomfortable conversation.

In his studies, Ley says that what he’s discovered is appealing to men about porn is that the women truly seem to be enjoying the sex. That in itself is an enormous turn-on. The irony, of course, is that as in any movie, it’s an act. Porn actresses are putting on a show just as every actress does in a mainstream film. But the point is that viewers are buying the act. They’re getting from porn what they want from real life, which is for their partners to enjoy. For them to be open enough to accept whatever predilection might exist and be willing to give it a go and enjoy.

Clinical sexologist Claudia Six said in a Psychology Today article that porn by itself isn’t the issue, but secret porn use is actually a symptom of what she calls, “the great sexual silence in many heterosexual relationships.” (nb – whether or not there’s a silence in homosexual relationships – and I gotta believe there must be, at least in some – wasn’t stated in the article so I’m sticking with what they gave me, which dealt with hetero couples). Couples, Six says, are often clueless about their sexual selves. This is where the statement came in that accepted porn viewing between couples in a relationship can actually have positive outcomes. If partners see what the others are into, what turns them on, by seeing what they view in porn, it can bring their sexual expectations together. So says researcher Brian Willoughby, whose findings were reported in the Archives of Sexual Behavior.

Willoughby and his team of researchers state that viewing porn together leads to “greater sexual knowledge, sexual openness, and communication.” It can also lead to a conversation about sexual fantasies and desires that lends itself well to enriching the relationship. As Willoughby rather obviously states, “communication is key.” So, too, is non-judgment. Men who watch porn can very quickly be labeled “sex addicts” by their hurt partners. But a true addiction also brings in the idea of lack of self-control, and that’s not necessarily the case with porn viewing. One partner might decide the other is a “sex addict” based on a couple viewings a week or a month. A couple of drinks a week or a month wouldn’t likely earn the drinker the label of alcoholic, yet because porn viewing leads to emotional hurt, the “addiction” label is more quickly brought into use.

It’s important to note that this whole idea of porn enhancing a couple’s relationship centers around doing away with the need for secret viewing and using porn as a tool to communicate fantasies and desires. If there’s no need to skulk around and watch porn on the sly, the use of it may serve to bring a relationship closer together rather than driving a deep wedge between it. So say the researchers. But what say you? Sound off in the comments below and let us know. And follow us at Lady Smut. We’re definitely good for you.

Cuckolding: the femdom lifestyle

8 Jul

By Isabelle Drake

A married woman having sex with a man who isn’t her husband? Yes. A married woman having sex with a man who isn’t her husband–and he arranges it? Yes. And–he watches it? And likes it? Yep.

About two years ago, before I was a Lady Smut regular, I wrote a Fetish 101 post on cuckolding. I offered up the basics: a cuckold marriage is one in which the husband selects men for his wife to have sex with. As with all sexual preferences, there are variations. The husband may or may not watch the couple having sex. He may or may not participate.

There are commonalities. Most often:

  • The husband is the one who first suggests they adopt the lifestyle.
  • The couple has been married for ten or more years and consider their marriage a happy, successful one.
  • The couple hides their choice because mainstream society has a harsh, negative view of this lifestyle.

Order-cuckoldry-ca1815-French-satireIt’s this last point that intrigues me. Ever since I began writing cuckold stories, I have found that many people, even those who consider themselves accepting and open-minded, disapprove of this type of marriage. Errol Gluck, a radio host, did an hour-long radio show,  Cuckolds: Men Who Share Their Wives, on the topic. Although he claimed to be open to the idea of accepting the practice, it is clear that he did not. Questions such as What do they tell their children? show both his lack of respect for the married couples and his inability, or maybe its unwillingness, to take the topic seriously.

To be clear, a cuckold marriage is not an open or a polyamorous one. Those marriages are, in my mind, more fluid in definition and in practice. Specifically, both partners are involved in sex outside the marriage and both partners may develop deep emotional bonds outside the two-person pairing. In a cuckold marriage, the wife alone participates in sex outside the marriage and that sex is for physical gratification only. She does not love the sexual partners as she loves her husband. Her deep emotional loyalty belongs to her husband alone.

In our culture, we value the emotional loyalty of monogamy. Dr. Shirley P Glass, in her book NOT “Just Friends”: Protect your relationship from infidelity and heal the trauma of betrayal , writes in great depth about the new threats to marriages. “In the new infidelity, one doesn’t have to have sex to be unfaithful. In fact, secret emotional attachments outside a marriage can be just as great a betrayal as extramarital sex. When sex and emotional involvement combine … the threat to the marriage is more catastrophic-much more so than traditional affairs used to be. In the current crisis of infidelity, men are more likely to fall in love with their affair partners-in the past, they were more likely to have uncomplicated sexual liaisons. Today, women are also getting more sexually involved than they did in previous generations.” Using extensive research, she supports her position that more now than in the past, men are seeking deeper emotional connections while women are seeking greater sexual satisfaction. Given that the cuckold marriage provides for both of these needs, perhaps it is not surprising that the practice of this lifestyle is on the rise.

Who, you ask, are these individuals picking up this not-so-unique habit?  Anneli Rufus may have been the first to dub this particular fetish The Intellectual Sex Fetish, but others have also supported the idea that it is a more common practice of highly educated professionals. The theory is that these individuals are better able to understand the complex psychological dynamics behind the practice and are therefore better able to exploit them to their benefit. One of these dynamics is the element of erotic humiliation.

Theories that seek to explain why erotic humiliation works focus on the physiological and emotional responses to humiliation. The area of the brain that responds to emotional tinydickcuckold1pain, including humiliation, is the same as the one that responds to physical pain. Thus, humiliation is a very strong emotional trigger. That emotional trigger requires a significant amount of mental manipulation as the person being humiliated finds a way to “deal with it.” One method of “dealing with it,” or managing the emotional pain, is to disassociate, to set aside ones normal identity. This break from identity leads to a temporary loss of self-awareness, loss of focus on oneself as seen by others and ultimately relaxation. This combination naturally enhances sexual pleasure and allows for the husband to enjoy watching or thinking about his wife being sexually active with another man. And so, when a person is humiliated to the point of loss of self-awareness, and physical pleasure is introduced, the likelihood of ultimate sexual release and satisfaction is achieved.

Do I have more to say about the complexities of the cuckold lifestyle? Such as the intricate differences between male and female orgasms and how women are aroused by different types of men at different points in the menstrual cycle? Yes, I do. But  I’ll save those for next time.

For now, I’ll offer up a short excerpt from the first in my Cuckold Beach series. So you can get a taste for how this lifestyle can make a hot, fun fantasy.

~~~

Pink Bow

Get your copy for .99.

Cuckold Beach 1: Pink Bow excerpt:

Troy didn’t say anything as we passed through the towns along the water. It wasn’t the kind of quiet when he’s upset, but the kind when he’s excited or anxious or just considering something important. So I didn’t worry about him not talking. I looked out the window and tried not to think about the fact that only a tiny layer of fabric separated my bare pussy from Troy’s view.

As we went farther down the coastline, the buildings became smaller and closer together but it was obvious that everyone who lived along the coast was loaded. The yards were landscaped with flowers, beach grasses and fan palms, and lit with soft spotlights. Many of the houses were tall and narrow, with parking garages on the ground level and living spaces above. It was a neighborhood way out of our price range, that was for sure.

Another thing I was sure of—we didn’t know anyone who lived here. Or maybe it was just me who didn’t know anyone, otherwise why would Troy bring us here?

After a long while, Troy turned off the main road and started checking the map on his phone. My curiosity was making me so jittery, each minute dragged, but finally he parked. Once he cut the engine, he turned to me and put his hand on my leg. “You know how much I love you, right?”

“More than the moon loves the stars,” I said, repeating our special phrase.

“That’s right. And I always will.” He slid his hand up my leg. “I know about the porn.”

My mind went blank.

Was that what he’d been thinking about during the drive? Heavy silence settled between us until I broke it with words, even though I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to say. I explained about a girl at work telling me to check out a particular site and how the site made me curious, so I kept looking… And I kept babbling, telling most but not all of the truth, until he cut me off.

“It’s okay. I love you, Abby. And I know what you need—so I’m going to make sure you get it.”

I started to talk again, telling him how much I loved him and that he always satisfied me, but he cut me off a second time by kissing me firmly on the mouth. His hard kiss stirred up all that lust that had brewing since he’d told me to change clothes. Within a minute, I was panting and reaching for his belt. He guided my hands away with a smile and laugh.

“No, no. Tonight is going to be different. For one thing, you aren’t in charge.”

“What else?” I asked, eager to know.

He shook his head and climbed out of the car. “Follow me and find out.”

~~~

Here at Lady Smut we know you want to be informed, entertained, and kept up to date. So follow us, and ‘cause we’re here to make sure you’re satisfied.

~~~

Isabelle Drake writes erotica, erotic romance, urban fantasy, and young adult thrillers. You can also check out her erotic, zombie erotica right here, every Sunday, on Lady Smut.

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