Tag Archives: relationships

If You’re An Alpha Female Looking For Love You’re Totally Doomed

1 Mar

By Elizabeth Shore

Are you an alpha female? Do you, for instance, always need to be right? Are you a perfectionist or overachiever? Are you a drill sergeant?

If you’ve answered yes to one or more of these questions, you are, according to author and frequent Fox news contributor Suzanne Venker, an alpha female. And if you’re an alpha female, and you happen to be married, well, good luck with that, honey. Your marriage is screwed.

See, according to Venker – the niece of rabid conservative anti-feminist Phyllis Schlafly – in her new book, The Alpha Female’s Guide to Love and Marriage, “If you took the alpha wife quiz and determined you’re an alpha, I have some news that at first will be hard to swallow: you’re going to have to cede control. If you don’t, your marriage or relationship will continue to be one giant fight.”

Yowza! That sounds ominous. I don’t want a bad relationship. Or “one giant fight.” Who does? Well, apparently, all those evil feminists, that’s who. Feminists are the cause of all relationship ills. Did you know that? Me, neither. But Venker’s book includes former Fox news anchor E.D. Hill’s assertion that her need for self-reliance led to a “power struggle” with her husband and that, “along with other issues” (who knows what those were), led to her divorce. This leads Venker to the following conclusion:

“Thanks to feminism, this ‘power struggle’ Hill describes is par for the course. Women today are effectively at war with the men in their lives, sometimes unknowingly. Even women who don’t consider themselves feminist have a feminist mind and as a result don’t understand men and marriage. The idea that the sexes are “equal,” as in the same, has supplanted what past generations have always known: that men and women are vastly different creatures. And that dismissing those differences makes marriage hell.”

Huh. So, wow. There’s a revelation for you, right? Men and women are vastly different creatures. Who knew! Well, apparently only past generations and not the dim-witted alpha females of today. So asserts Ms. Venker. And if you’re not bright enough to acknowledge those differences – and cede all control, let’s not forget that – then you’ve just punched your ticket to relationship purgatory. Take that, alpha female.

But, wait. About that quiz…above I only pulled out 3 of the 13 questions that help you determine whether you’re an alpha female. To help you out, the whole quiz is listed below, taken directly from Suzanne Venker’s website:

  • Do you feel nervous or out of control when you’re not the one in charge?
  • Are you a perfectionist or an overachiever?
  • Do you sometimes feel superior to your husband, as though he needs you to show him how to do things? (How to dress, what to say, how to grocery shop, how to parent, etc.)
  • Do you take your everyday frustrations out on your husband as though he’s the cause of those frustrations?
  • Do you generally expect your husband to go along with your plans, as opposed to the other way around?
  • When you listen to your husband, are you immediately formulating a response in your head before he’s finished speaking?
  • Do you roll your eyes when your husband says something with which you disagree or disapprove?
  • Do you frequently contradict your husband? (If your answer is no, would your husband agree?)
  • Are you a drill sergeant?
  • Do you tease your husband in front of others in a manner that could be construed as disrespectful?
  • Do you need to be right?
  • Do you frequently interrupt your husband or talk over him, even in public? (If your answer is no, would your husband agree?)
  • Does your marriage feel like one giant power struggle? (If your answer is no, would your husband agree?)

The more questions to which you answer in the affirmative, says, Venker, the more alpha you are. Well, hold on there, missy. Here’s my quibble with the damn quiz. In my world, if someone publically humiliates her spouse, or frequently contradicts him, or rolls her eyes when he’s speaking, I wouldn’t call her an alpha female. I’d call her an a**hole. Behaving like that isn’t asserting your alpha, it’s just being rude. Call me crazy, but to me an alpha female is a strong, confident, hard-working woman who knows what she wants and has the courage to pursue it. You know, kinda like an alpha man.

Some additional relationship insight from Ms. Venker: “insisting that a woman doesn’t need a man is a terrible precedent for marriage.” Again, I’ve gotta disagree with you there, Suz. I don’t think the basis for a good marriage is “needing” a man. I think it’s wanting him. Wanting the love, respect, support, and partnership that we should all receive in a relationship. Isn’t that the reason for having one in the first place? What it doesn’t mean is having to “cede” all control and letting the man always be in charge. Sometimes he is; sometimes you are. You find the balance that works for you both.

Elizabeth Shore writes both contemporary and historical erotic romance. Her newest book is an erotic historical novella, Desire Rising, from The Wild Rose Press. Other releases include Hot Bayou Nights and The Lady Smut Book of Dark Desires




Bondage Rope Starter Guide: the busy woman’s cheat sheet on what to get to get what you want.

10 Feb

by Isabelle Drake

Thinking about buying some bondage rope? If you are, you won’t be alone this weekend.

First time thinking about buying rope? Again, you won’t be alone this weekend.

Headed to the hardware store because you want that rope – in – a – hurry?

Sounds good. But you may want to think about what’s going to work best for you ahead of time. You know, to avoid that awkward moment when the helpful salesperson asks you what type you want then, in attempt to assist you better, asks you what you want it for. See what I mean?rope-tape-cable-ties

There are three things to consider.


Think of fiber as the rope’s texture and appearance. It’s what the rope is made from, so fiber determines the look, texture, pliability, smell, and overall aesthetic. The four most common fibers used in bondage are hemp, jute, nylon and MFP.


Hemp rope


Thanks to the fact that its natural, hemp offers great smell and texture. It’s soft but strong. It ‘breathes’ and bends, tucking itself into the contours of the body. The texture makes it easy to secure knots and this rope adjusts to varying tension levels.

Bonus, it has great old-school appeal, making it easy to imagine you’re being bound by a pirate or roped by a cowboy.

Notes on hemp:

  • it can be put through the washer but looses strength with each washing.
  • it looks wonderful in person but is hard to photograph.
  • its more expensive than the other commonly used roped.



Jute rope


Jute, the other natural choice, is nearly the opposite of hemp.

This fiber starts out very strong, sturdy and rough. This makes it a favorite of those who prefer edge in their rope play. That same firm texture makes it hold knots very well and photograph really well.

Bonus, this rope is light and so travels well. And yes, it also has that old school appeal of hemp.

Notes on jute:

  • it has enough grip to stay in place, but not as much as hemp. As a result, careful tensioning is required when using jute.
  • it can be tricky to wash and must be stretch dried to retain length.
  • it requires careful selection when purchasing. Be sure to ask about the weave, as loosely woven jute will not last very long.

Nylon and MFP (multi-fiber polypropylene)


Nylon rope

These are manufactured, oil-based ropes, so cost quite a bit less than the natural alternatives. Because they are not natural, they maintain their round shape consistently and over a long period. They both wash easily and can be used in the water.

Something to consider, they don’t hold body heat. As a result, some users find these feel less natural and say they fell disconnected from these ropes.

Bonus, these fibers comes in many bright colors, are super shiny and photograph great.

Notes on nylon and MFP:

  • in regard to weight, they are about the same as jute.
  • they are very strong.
  • they can be tricky to use as they are slippery so tension can be difficult to control.


A good diameter to start with is between 4mm-8mm. 7mm and 8mm are frequently selected due to strength and comfort. Obviously, strength is very important when considering suspension. Also, the thicker ropes are easier on the skin and, as a result, are the better option for longer bondage sessions.

Thickness impacts rope stiffness and weight. Thicker ropes are more stiff. The stiffer the rope is, the less pliable it is. Therefore, knots and intricate patterns can be difficult. Thicker ropes are also heavier and, consequently, more difficult to transport.


In regard to length, consider what the rope will be used for, ie, simple wrist ties or full body suspension, and the size of the person being bound.  The North American standard is about 30 feet, with 15 foot spares. The Japanese have a more complicated system of deciding rope length, basing the decision on the measurements of the rigger. The idea is to use a length that the rigger can work with easily and fluidly. That measurement is typically between 23 and 27 feet with 12.5 foot spares.

Not buying any rope for yourself? No worries. In an effort to make this knowledge useful, take yourself to the opening of FIFTY this weekend, reread your tattered paperbacks, and check out what they use, see if you would have made the same selections.

Be sure to come back all next week for our Fifty Shades Darker Celebration and Valentine’s Giveaway. We’ll be doing it Lady Smut style!


Isabelle Drake writes erotica, erotic romance, urban fantasy, and young adult thrillers. She’s also working on her own sexy android erotica.

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To enter the giveaway, hit the SUBSCRIBE button on our blog now–it’s the pink button up at the top on the right–and fill out the form.  One random winner will be chosen from central Virginia where Kerensa’s stores are located and one random winner from the nation at large. (Continental US only, please!)

Turned on by wires & circuits? Intrigued by the opportunity to pre-program your experience? Robot fetish 101

13 Jan

By Isabelle Drake

Want to get busy with a techno man?  Interested in androids? Love the AMC show Humans?

If you are a Duran, Duran fan, or remember the old school video to Electric Barbarella, the sexy robot thing is nothing new to you.

Here’s something that might be new. Robot fetishism, considered part of technosexuality, is divided into two usually separate fantasies:

  • Sex with a person dressed in a robot costume, a person acting like a robot, or sex with pre-made sex android robot.
  • Sex with person who has been willingly or unwillingly transformed into a robot or being transformed into a robot oneself and subsequently having sex. The transformation is of key interest in this fantasy.

Both of these interests stem from the uncanniness of the android.

Ernst Jentsch, credited with being the first to identify the state of the uncanny in a 1906 essay, “On the Psychology of the Uncanny,” defines the state as a person’s “doubts whether an apparently animate being is really alive; or conversely, whether a lifeless object might be, in fact, animate.” He was quick to note that awareness and understanding of such a state is important to a fiction writer. “In telling a story one of the most successful devices for easily creating uncanny effects is to leave the reader in uncertainty whether a particular figure in the story is a human being or an automaton and to do it in such a way that his attention is not focused directly upon his uncertainty, so that he may not be led to go into the matter and clear it up immediately.”

In the show, Humans, Anita confesses her love for Ed the scene is both compelling and disturbing. According to Sigmund Freud the basis for this reaction in the uncanny.

In his essay, “The Uncanny” Freud expanded this concept of the uncanny state being linked to the relationship between the animate and the innate. Additionally, he examined concepts of human development in regard to maturation as having a key relationship to a person’s perception of what is uncanny. For example, in childhood humans enjoy repetition. This appreciation begins before the child is old enough to desire, or even understand, control. As the child matures, and begins to understand the advantage of control and thus desires it, the child takes less pleasure in repetition.

Therefore, continued, undesired, and uncontrollable repetition is disturbing because it represents a lack of control and thus regression and is therefore potentially alarming. Freud asserted that the state of the uncanny is linked to the subconscious in additional way. He stated that a person experiences something as uncanny because it reminds the individual of the conflict between their repressed desires, desires which the individual presumably struggles to control, and feared punishment for deviating from societal norms.

Tell us what you think in the comments. Are human-like robots sexy or scary? Want to get busy with an android?7818008_f260

And – follow us here at Lady Smut. We’re always here to inform, entertain, and keep you up to date.

Isabelle Drake writes erotica, erotic romance, urban fantasy, and young adult thrillers. She’s also working on her own sexy android erotica.

Dear men over forty,

11 Nov

by Isabelle Drake.

I little while back, I had an experience that got me thinking.

While at an intimate party, a guy came up to me and gave me the once over. You know what I’m talking about, that head to toe assessment. While I’m wondering why he didn’t have the decency to at least do that from a distance, so I could politely turn away and save us both additional awkwardness (and in his case some wasted time), he says, “hi.”

Before I finish this story, and get back to to the real point of this post, let me tell you guys, we hate the hi. Here are a woman’s options in response to the hi.

  • Be polite and say hi even if we have no interest in continuing the conversation. Most of us pick this, because of societal expectations and all that.
  • Say nothing, look away. The risk here is the follow -up hi.
  • Say nothing, snarl obviously, look away. Result, being bummed or annoyed that we had to act that way just to be left alone.

You’re thinking, what if she likes me? Wants me to say “hi”? If she likes you, don’t waste time on the hi. Just start talking. Bonus, if she doesn’t like you like that, she may be happy to chat about whatever it is you’ve just brought up.

Ok. Off that soap download_6_2box and back to my party story then on to the soap box I came here to actually get up on.

After I reply with my polite hi, he asks me, “Are you here with anyone?” Me: yes. Him: Who? Me, pointing to my date, that guy. Him: The big one? Me thinking, yeah, at 6’4″ and 220, I guess he’s big: Yes. He gives my date that once over, then, I guess deciding I’m not worth getting punched in the face by the big guy, shrugs, says not a single word, then walks off. Seriously? No, this isn’t the only time this sort of thing has happened.

So, gents over forty, have you ever wondered why your wife/girlfriend/office romance/favorite barista and every other reasonable woman in your life reads super hot books with to-die-for heroes?

Aside from the fact that these books rock, it might be because these women miss days when a man spent more than three minutes trying to get their attention, seduce them, and get them into bed. I know, at forty+ it may seem like there isn’t time to waste on sexy getting-to-know-you conversation and that split-second too-long-to-be-polite stares might not net a night of sex, but I’m here to tell you, the night of sex you do after putting in some effort will be much, much better for it.

Contrast these approaches:

Approach A. You see a woman at a bar that you think is hot so you go right up to her. Instead of asking her name, you ask her if she has her own car there. She says yes. Then, you impress her with, “I’m a dentist because I’m good with my hands; want to go to my place? Okay if we take your car?”

Approach B. You see a woman at a bar. You think she’s hot, so you stare at her. She catches you starting and stares back. But then looks away. You move around to the other side of the bar. You stare again. She catches you again, stares back a bit longer, then looks away. You repeat this two more times. You do not get impatient. Instead, you get that her being stared at is turning her on. As a mature guy, you know if she didn’t think you were hot she would not stare back. Finally, when her body language tells you she’d ready to talk–shoulders facing you–you go up and say hi. You tell her your name. You ask her name. Then, you ask her something fun. Note ask – not tell. Why? She does not want to be impressed, she wants to have fun.

Since you are a man, I’ll be direct. Approach B is better.0796

Married men, you aren’t off the hook. You still can and should seduce your wife, so you too are going to want to go with approach B.

It’s never too late to switch it up and put some effort in. Next time a woman near you is reading something hot and looks up from the page with a misty expression and a soft sigh on her lips, remember what I told you.

Also remember, just because you’re a man doesn’t mean you can’t follow us here at Lady Smut. We’re always here to inform, entertain, and keep everyone–women and men–up to date.

Isabelle Drake writes erotica, erotic romance, urban fantasy, and young adult thrillers.

Of Wings and Women

16 Aug
These two might not be doing it right.

These two might not be doing it right.

By Alexa Day

Zig Ziglar had this to say about the fine art of having it all: “You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help other people get what they want.”

He probably wasn’t talking about being a wingwoman, but his message about service definitely applies.

What’s a wingwoman? Glad you asked.

The wingwoman accompanies a friend, either male or female, to a target-rich environment, to facilitate the friend’s meeting other people for fun, romance, and perhaps sexytimes.

A wingwoman’s job isn’t easy, although the best practitioners make it look that way. The real virtuosos are hard to find. In my time, I have known exactly three, two of whom have moved far enough away that I can no longer call on them when I need support.

I do think the requisite skills can be taught. It just takes a little patience.

Want to give it a whirl? Find yourself a single friend — for our purposes, I’m talking about another woman — and prepare to learn a thing or two about a thing or two.

The first thing to consider as you enter WingWorld? It isn’t about you. Indeed, if there are two of you, I think you are best served to take turns. You could either decide that one of you is going to be the wing all night long, or you can switch off as you go from place to place. But I’ve seen people try to wing for each other simultaneously, and it doesn’t work all that well.

Your job as the wing is to make sure your friend is getting what she wants. You’re not getting what you want for her. You’re not getting what you want, unless you just want her to be happy. You don’t even get to pick the place. All this is about your friend. Make sure you’re both dressed appropriately, and then let her lead.

Now that you know your role, let’s see how this plays out on the ground. Follow along with me, won’t you?

1. Show up a little early. If you’re at your destination on the early side, say during the beginning of happy hour, you’ll get a nice place to sit. Do not concern yourself with hanging out there for a long time after you are done eating. Smart bartenders don’t mind sharp-looking ladies chilling at the bar because we encourage sharp-looking fellas to buy themselves a drink and then to buy a little something for us. It’s Zig Ziglar’s theory in action.

Are you the sort of woman who insists on buying her own drinks? Don’t let me tell you to stop. I, however, am not that sort of woman, so you might need a couple of grains of salt to work with me.

2. Bend the conversation. Be open and welcoming to everyone. Converse. Flirt. Have fun. But remember your job. Tell him what you do, but play up your friend’s job. Accept a compliment about that dazzling choker; you borrowed it from your bud. Try to be subtle. Bend the conversation, but don’t force it. Your friend has likely joined the conversation at the same time you did, but remember — your job is to serve.

3. Check in. I mentioned a moment ago that this is not about what you want for your friend; it’s about what your friend wants. I see way too many wingwannabes trying to steer their friends toward men in whom their friends have no interest at all. That’s kind of like what the Urban Dictionary calls a Bowling Ball Present: something you give another person that’s really intended for you. It’s obnoxious. Checking in with your friend from time to time ensures that she is getting the intended search results.

4. Consider your exit strategy, or as they say in the Thunderdome: Two women enter, one woman leaves. If you have accomplished your mission and introduced your friend to the hottie of her choosing, it’s time for you to get out of the way. Be delicate. In my experience as the wingwoman, I’ve found it effective to wait until my friend’s new friend gets up for some reason (like the bathroom). During his absence, I check in with my friend and take my leave if she’s all set. I’ve fallen back on the legendary early meeting. If it looks like the two of them are moving on to the next bar, I’ve noped out to leave them alone.

Exit strategy is not without risk.

If your friend is too inebriated to effectively participate in exit strategy, you don’t go anywhere (except to take her home). If your friend is not enthusiastic about exit strategy, you don’t exit. If you have intuition that risk exists, you declare this. If you do exit, you do still have to check in, both during the course of the evening and at an appropriate time in the morning. It is impossible to eliminate risk in our world, but risk can be reduced to manageable levels.

5. Celebrate. If you reached the exit successfully, it’s time to start thinking about your turn. Maybe next time she’s your wing. If you’re not in the market for free-range gentlemen, maybe you just make her buy the drinks and tell those secrets.

Either way, isn’t volunteering grand?

Follow Lady Smut. We’ve got your back.

Watch Porn – It’s Good For You!

27 Jul

By Elizabeth Shore

Okay, so before I begin, let me just throw a little reminder out there. I’m referring to the one that says: don’t shoot the messenger. I’m going to be talking about porn in this post – as you no doubt figured from the title – and that topic can be as divisive as Trump vs Clinton. Dogs vs cats. Chocolate vs potato chips. You get the picture. So remember, if you would, that I’m just your intrepid Lady Smut blogger bringing you the dirt, so please don’t turn it into mud and fling it at me.

With that disclosure out of the way, let’s talk about porn! Today’s specific topic involves the assertion, by a team of researchers involved in a porn study, that acceptance of porn’s use in a relationship can actually help the relationship. Now this, thought I, is interesting. Usually what you read pertains to how much one partner or the other’s viewing of porn is fraught with disastrous relationship consequences. Women in particular feel belittled when they find out the virtual folks at sex.com know their partners as well as bartenders at Cheers know their regulars. If only I were slimmer, they think, or had bigger breasts, were more sexually active, liked anal play, etc etc etc he wouldn’t be looking at porn. If only their alleged shortcomings could be ignored, things would be so much better and their partners wouldn’t be looking at porn. The conclusions a woman may draw about herself upon discovering her partner’s viewing porn can be damning and make her feel as if she’ll never be quite desirable enough. It’s a conclusion, researchers say, that’s miles away from the truth.

Here’s a question, and answer it honestly. Have you and your sexual partner had a completely candid, out-in-the-open, no-holds-barred conversation about your sexual desires? If your partner was taken into a room by himself and required to tell someone everything they know about what you like, what turns you on, what every single one of your sexual fantasies are, would he be able to do it? And in the reverse, would you be able to do so about him? Do you feel confident that you know about all of his sexual fantasies? If the answer to both questions is yes, you’re apparently in a vast minority. According to researcher David Ley, a clinical psychologist and author of Ethical Porn for Dicks: A Man’s Guide to Responsible Viewing Pleasurethere are many reasons why a man doesn’t feel comfortable discussing his sexual fantasies with his partner. He might be ashamed, afraid of being judged, concerned that something he wants will be viewed unfavorably from her. So he keeps silent and turns to porn instead of dealing with a potential uncomfortable conversation.

In his studies, Ley says that what he’s discovered is appealing to men about porn is that the women truly seem to be enjoying the sex. That in itself is an enormous turn-on. The irony, of course, is that as in any movie, it’s an act. Porn actresses are putting on a show just as every actress does in a mainstream film. But the point is that viewers are buying the act. They’re getting from porn what they want from real life, which is for their partners to enjoy. For them to be open enough to accept whatever predilection might exist and be willing to give it a go and enjoy.

Clinical sexologist Claudia Six said in a Psychology Today article that porn by itself isn’t the issue, but secret porn use is actually a symptom of what she calls, “the great sexual silence in many heterosexual relationships.” (nb – whether or not there’s a silence in homosexual relationships – and I gotta believe there must be, at least in some – wasn’t stated in the article so I’m sticking with what they gave me, which dealt with hetero couples). Couples, Six says, are often clueless about their sexual selves. This is where the statement came in that accepted porn viewing between couples in a relationship can actually have positive outcomes. If partners see what the others are into, what turns them on, by seeing what they view in porn, it can bring their sexual expectations together. So says researcher Brian Willoughby, whose findings were reported in the Archives of Sexual Behavior.

Willoughby and his team of researchers state that viewing porn together leads to “greater sexual knowledge, sexual openness, and communication.” It can also lead to a conversation about sexual fantasies and desires that lends itself well to enriching the relationship. As Willoughby rather obviously states, “communication is key.” So, too, is non-judgment. Men who watch porn can very quickly be labeled “sex addicts” by their hurt partners. But a true addiction also brings in the idea of lack of self-control, and that’s not necessarily the case with porn viewing. One partner might decide the other is a “sex addict” based on a couple viewings a week or a month. A couple of drinks a week or a month wouldn’t likely earn the drinker the label of alcoholic, yet because porn viewing leads to emotional hurt, the “addiction” label is more quickly brought into use.

It’s important to note that this whole idea of porn enhancing a couple’s relationship centers around doing away with the need for secret viewing and using porn as a tool to communicate fantasies and desires. If there’s no need to skulk around and watch porn on the sly, the use of it may serve to bring a relationship closer together rather than driving a deep wedge between it. So say the researchers. But what say you? Sound off in the comments below and let us know. And follow us at Lady Smut. We’re definitely good for you.

Cuckolding: the femdom lifestyle

8 Jul

By Isabelle Drake

A married woman having sex with a man who isn’t her husband? Yes. A married woman having sex with a man who isn’t her husband–and he arranges it? Yes. And–he watches it? And likes it? Yep.

About two years ago, before I was a Lady Smut regular, I wrote a Fetish 101 post on cuckolding. I offered up the basics: a cuckold marriage is one in which the husband selects men for his wife to have sex with. As with all sexual preferences, there are variations. The husband may or may not watch the couple having sex. He may or may not participate.

There are commonalities. Most often:

  • The husband is the one who first suggests they adopt the lifestyle.
  • The couple has been married for ten or more years and consider their marriage a happy, successful one.
  • The couple hides their choice because mainstream society has a harsh, negative view of this lifestyle.

Order-cuckoldry-ca1815-French-satireIt’s this last point that intrigues me. Ever since I began writing cuckold stories, I have found that many people, even those who consider themselves accepting and open-minded, disapprove of this type of marriage. Errol Gluck, a radio host, did an hour-long radio show,  Cuckolds: Men Who Share Their Wives, on the topic. Although he claimed to be open to the idea of accepting the practice, it is clear that he did not. Questions such as What do they tell their children? show both his lack of respect for the married couples and his inability, or maybe its unwillingness, to take the topic seriously.

To be clear, a cuckold marriage is not an open or a polyamorous one. Those marriages are, in my mind, more fluid in definition and in practice. Specifically, both partners are involved in sex outside the marriage and both partners may develop deep emotional bonds outside the two-person pairing. In a cuckold marriage, the wife alone participates in sex outside the marriage and that sex is for physical gratification only. She does not love the sexual partners as she loves her husband. Her deep emotional loyalty belongs to her husband alone.

In our culture, we value the emotional loyalty of monogamy. Dr. Shirley P Glass, in her book NOT “Just Friends”: Protect your relationship from infidelity and heal the trauma of betrayal , writes in great depth about the new threats to marriages. “In the new infidelity, one doesn’t have to have sex to be unfaithful. In fact, secret emotional attachments outside a marriage can be just as great a betrayal as extramarital sex. When sex and emotional involvement combine … the threat to the marriage is more catastrophic-much more so than traditional affairs used to be. In the current crisis of infidelity, men are more likely to fall in love with their affair partners-in the past, they were more likely to have uncomplicated sexual liaisons. Today, women are also getting more sexually involved than they did in previous generations.” Using extensive research, she supports her position that more now than in the past, men are seeking deeper emotional connections while women are seeking greater sexual satisfaction. Given that the cuckold marriage provides for both of these needs, perhaps it is not surprising that the practice of this lifestyle is on the rise.

Who, you ask, are these individuals picking up this not-so-unique habit?  Anneli Rufus may have been the first to dub this particular fetish The Intellectual Sex Fetish, but others have also supported the idea that it is a more common practice of highly educated professionals. The theory is that these individuals are better able to understand the complex psychological dynamics behind the practice and are therefore better able to exploit them to their benefit. One of these dynamics is the element of erotic humiliation.

Theories that seek to explain why erotic humiliation works focus on the physiological and emotional responses to humiliation. The area of the brain that responds to emotional tinydickcuckold1pain, including humiliation, is the same as the one that responds to physical pain. Thus, humiliation is a very strong emotional trigger. That emotional trigger requires a significant amount of mental manipulation as the person being humiliated finds a way to “deal with it.” One method of “dealing with it,” or managing the emotional pain, is to disassociate, to set aside ones normal identity. This break from identity leads to a temporary loss of self-awareness, loss of focus on oneself as seen by others and ultimately relaxation. This combination naturally enhances sexual pleasure and allows for the husband to enjoy watching or thinking about his wife being sexually active with another man. And so, when a person is humiliated to the point of loss of self-awareness, and physical pleasure is introduced, the likelihood of ultimate sexual release and satisfaction is achieved.

Do I have more to say about the complexities of the cuckold lifestyle? Such as the intricate differences between male and female orgasms and how women are aroused by different types of men at different points in the menstrual cycle? Yes, I do. But  I’ll save those for next time.

For now, I’ll offer up a short excerpt from the first in my Cuckold Beach series. So you can get a taste for how this lifestyle can make a hot, fun fantasy.


Pink Bow

Get your copy for .99.

Cuckold Beach 1: Pink Bow excerpt:

Troy didn’t say anything as we passed through the towns along the water. It wasn’t the kind of quiet when he’s upset, but the kind when he’s excited or anxious or just considering something important. So I didn’t worry about him not talking. I looked out the window and tried not to think about the fact that only a tiny layer of fabric separated my bare pussy from Troy’s view.

As we went farther down the coastline, the buildings became smaller and closer together but it was obvious that everyone who lived along the coast was loaded. The yards were landscaped with flowers, beach grasses and fan palms, and lit with soft spotlights. Many of the houses were tall and narrow, with parking garages on the ground level and living spaces above. It was a neighborhood way out of our price range, that was for sure.

Another thing I was sure of—we didn’t know anyone who lived here. Or maybe it was just me who didn’t know anyone, otherwise why would Troy bring us here?

After a long while, Troy turned off the main road and started checking the map on his phone. My curiosity was making me so jittery, each minute dragged, but finally he parked. Once he cut the engine, he turned to me and put his hand on my leg. “You know how much I love you, right?”

“More than the moon loves the stars,” I said, repeating our special phrase.

“That’s right. And I always will.” He slid his hand up my leg. “I know about the porn.”

My mind went blank.

Was that what he’d been thinking about during the drive? Heavy silence settled between us until I broke it with words, even though I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to say. I explained about a girl at work telling me to check out a particular site and how the site made me curious, so I kept looking… And I kept babbling, telling most but not all of the truth, until he cut me off.

“It’s okay. I love you, Abby. And I know what you need—so I’m going to make sure you get it.”

I started to talk again, telling him how much I loved him and that he always satisfied me, but he cut me off a second time by kissing me firmly on the mouth. His hard kiss stirred up all that lust that had brewing since he’d told me to change clothes. Within a minute, I was panting and reaching for his belt. He guided my hands away with a smile and laugh.

“No, no. Tonight is going to be different. For one thing, you aren’t in charge.”

“What else?” I asked, eager to know.

He shook his head and climbed out of the car. “Follow me and find out.”


Here at Lady Smut we know you want to be informed, entertained, and kept up to date. So follow us, and ‘cause we’re here to make sure you’re satisfied.


Isabelle Drake writes erotica, erotic romance, urban fantasy, and young adult thrillers. You can also check out her erotic, zombie erotica right here, every Sunday, on Lady Smut.

Let’s Get Physical – And Nothing Else

11 May

gorgeous model dancing, over blackBy Elizabeth Shore

If you’ve been reading Lady Smut for awhile now – and if you have, thanks! – you may recall a post I wrote last summer about establishing ground rules for sex buddies. If you haven’t seen it, you can do so here.

I have an interest in the topic primarily because I hear such different viewpoints on whether the whole sex buddy thing actually even works. Opinions diverge from those who firmly believe the entire notion is a farce to avid supporters who maintain not only does it work, it works great for all involved. Just stick to the rules and you’ve got a passport to sexytime nirvana.

The heroine in my new release, Desire Rising, delves into sex buddyhood after she escaped an arranged marriage from hell, one in which she thought she actually loved the guy. What a mistake! The marriage was supposed to have given her life advantages she’d not have without it. Yet despite doing her best to be a kind and loving wife, she ends up being both physically and emotionally abused. Her dreams become a nightmare and she winds up falsely accused of murder. With no other choice, she flees home with her heart in tatters, vowing never to love again. Like a phoenix rising from ashes, she sheds her innocence and emerges as savvy and sophisticated Catherine Sheffield, a woman who keeps her liaisons purely physical and her heart closely guarded. But does she? Does anyone?

As I mentioned in my sex buddy post, the numero uno unbreakable rule of sex buddyism is Do Not Get Emotionally Attached. If that starts happening then presto chango! you’re walking through the relationship door. Which, after all, defeats the entire sex buddy purpose. It seems to me, in speaking about this topic with my gal pals, that it would be much harder for us females to stick to that hard and fast “No emotions, please” rule. Our hearts tend to get involved. It’s just the way we’re wired. Guys, on the other hand, are A-Okay when it comes to sticking to the physical. They enter such an arrangement knowing full well it exists for the sole purpose of fulfilling a sexual – not emotional – need. Right?

Maybe not. I’ve come across a few articles, as well as an interesting conversation chain on Reddit, appearing to support the opposite theory. Men can get attached in a supposed physical-only relationship, despite their reputation for surviving and thriving in the sometimes emotionless hook-up world we live in. Certainly it happens to my hero. He was a man who was head-over-heels in love with his wife. Her death, and the death of their child, nearly destroyed him. He’s determined never again to subject himself to that kind of pain and guards his heart from any and all emotions. It works just fine…until he meets Catherine.

I do wonder whether FWB situations would work better on both sides if the parties involved weren’t friends as well. It seems if a couple is truly just hooking up for a little slap and tickle, without really knowing a thing about each other, detachment would be easier to maintain. Yet here’s the rub (and not in a good way)…many women don’t want to hook-up with a guy who’s not at least a casual friend, yet because that relationship is already established, the friendship can morph into something else entirely once sex gets thrown in. Damn. The complicated web we weave…

Ultimately, I adhere to the “different strokes (hey-o!)  for different folks” edict. I firmly believe an FWB relationship can exist, and exist successfully. It all depends upon the people involved, what they want, where they are in life, and what kind of people they are.

Click here to buy or for a free preview!

As for Catherine and Miles, their scorching hot FWB  most definitely results in an HEA – one that suits the both of them. For a free preview, or to buy, click on the photo.







Sexy Saturday Round Up

23 Apr

SSRUFrom Madeline:

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to get through this thing we call life.” –R.I.P Prince, 11 songs you didn’t know Prince wrote.

One woman’s quest to turn her collection of unsolicited dic pics into art.

Young swingers discuss their intro into kinky orgies.

Side saddle is back.  You heard me.

Mice squeak, er, speak a sophisticated language of love.

Best kiss cam evah? This woman double fisting her pizza.

For Alexa: So you need to trim the budget on your ridiculously successful TV show? Just kill off the leading female stars.

And for Sue London: Game of Thrones characters take the Myers Briggs Test.

From G.G. Andrew:

Empathy is hot: we’re more attracted to people whose emotions we can read.

The 10 Most Deadly Phrases in a Relationship. Do you agree/disagree with these?

Charlotte Bronte was born 200 years ago this week. Here are 5 books to read if you love Jane Eyre.



The Sexual Chemistry Is Off The Charts – But Are You Textually Compatible?

17 Feb

By Elizabeth Shore

Relationship alert! Just when you thought it was difficult enough in today’s world finding someone to hook up with, there’s an added element on the dating landscape throwing a damn monkey wrench into the whole “compatibility” conversation. Because aside from feeling the initial spark confirming that his hotness factor is gonna set your panties a’fire, besides finding out whether you have any common interests, and besides establishing that you and he rock each other’s worlds in the bedroom, there’s yet another thorny hurdle to cross. Do you and he have textual compatibility?

As Time writer Eliana Dockterman states in a recent article on “textual chemistry,” the complex emotional interactions between two people over text message can make or break a relationship. Yeah, you read that right. In other words, how you and he text one another is a very big deal.

Friends in my office, especially 20-something friends who’ve taken dating etiquette to a science, talk all the time about their prospective guy’s texting ability. Is he too fast to send messages or too slow? Are his texts too long or not long enough? How about his emoji use? Is it OK for guys to use them? Should they? Analysis of texting habits is as detailed as when gals of years ago used to talk about the kind of car a guy drove and what it said about him.

Of course, texting is today’s common form of communication. A 2015 poll by a research group found that 80% of Americans prefer texts over voice calls. And Americans spend an average of 26 minutes a day texting, according to the article. So how one communicates definitely makes a difference. Case in point: I have to fess up that I’m a frequent texter. Sometimes texting with friends is how I spend entire evenings. Well, OK. More than sometimes, actually. I do it a lot. And I admit that it can be annoying when friends are slow to respond. Or they finally respond but ignore what I wrote. By that same criteria, if a prospective date behaves textually badly, it spells trouble ahead because, as the Dockterman article points out, texting is a form of seduction.

My 20-something colleagues would certainly attest to this. Bad texters, they say, are reason enough to break off a relationship before it even gets started. Why bother? If he’s bad at texting, they say, he’s going to be bad at communicating in general.

I’m not sure I’m entirely down with that logic. What about if he’s a great communicator but texting doesn’t happen to be his preferred method. What if he’s one of those Neanderthal types who enjoys talking on the phone. Is that a relationship buster? It seems as if there must be an easier way of navigating the land mine-filled textual landscape. What are the rules, anyway?

According to Dockterman’s article, we all need to be mindful of how our personalities come across in texts. Women who make their text messages overly long, for example, might be viewed as too needy or chatty. Or desperate. But men aren’t easily let off the hook, either. Their personalities via texting are under the same scrutiny as in the days of yesteryear when they were trying to pick up women in a bar.

All in all, textual compatibility is just one measurement of whether a relationship is going to work. You still, after all, eventually have to meet in person. And sparks flying in the virtual world doesn’t necessarily equate to the same thing in person. The good news, however, is that if the in-person chemistry isn’t happening, you can easily break it off. Just send him a text.

What do you think? Do you set store by how well he texts? Will wooing in the virtual world lead to a wedding in the real one? Let us know in the comments. You can think of it as a text.







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