Tag Archives: sexuality

Hey, What’s Your Number?

21 Sep
But did I carry the one? (This image was made by Loadmaster (David R. Tribble).)

But did I carry the one?
(This image was made by Loadmaster (David R. Tribble).)

By Alexa Day

(Welcome to Lady Smut’s #ThrowbackThursday! Let’s celebrate the beginning of the school year with a little math. This post from May 2015 is all about the sexual history calculator and the intriguing calculus of our sexual pasts.)

In yesterday’s Sexy Saturday Round-Up, my colleague Elizabeth Shore provided a link to a sexual history calculator. It’s over on Slate, and it collects your age, your gender (I know, I rolled my eyes here, too, but it’s necessary), and the number of people you’ve slept with. You plug this information in, and after a brief pause, during which the calculator wants to reassure you that this is supposed to be fun for you, you get a chart that compares your info with that of other people in your age group.

Simply put, the calculator is here to tell you — just for fun! — whether you’ve slept with more people or fewer people than the rest of your demographic.

So, just for fun, I plugged in my info, and just for fun, I got back the entirely expected response that I’ve slept with more people than most women in my age group.

This is not a surprise to me.

For one thing, I’m unmarried, so I’m still counting. That number is going to keep rising. I don’t think it will continue to rise as quickly as it did when the younger Alexa had fewer things to occupy her time, but who knows for sure?

For another thing, I’m convinced that a lot of women lie about The Number. I understand in large part why this happens, but I have so little patience for that. Seriously, if we’re going to stop slut-shaming, we need to start by treating ourselves better, don’t we? I don’t know if men lie about The Number or have the same reasons for lying as women do, but I am aware that they are not being shamed for having higher Numbers in the same way as we are. No doubt this is why we have to plug our gender into the calculator.

In any event, I was more troubled by my initial inability to account for everyone on The List. You know, the one that generates The Number. I stared at it after I plugged it into that little box and asked myself, “Is that right?” And then I went back into the dusty and neglected archive that is my long-term memory and tried to name names. Then I became hungry (this took about 45 seconds) and decided to go with the number I had.

It’s probably right. I think. But I pledged to spend the rest of the day really trying to think about this. After all, I should probably know with some level of certainty what The Number is, right? And isn’t it kind of sad not to be able to put a name with each and every face in my sexual history? Shouldn’t I be troubled with the ease with which I forgot someone who was, if only for a few hours, part of my life?

Well, now I’m not so sure.

Once you get past personal health concerns, so that you know exactly who to call in the event of unpleasantness, I’m not sure there’s a need to know exactly how many people you’ve slept with. It would certainly be nice to know, but is it truly necessary? The consideration of one’s sexual history as a whole is probably deserving of more consideration.

How many did you regret?

How many taught you something?

How many did you love?

Smaller numbers, perhaps, but more important subsets.

I will probably still try to reconstruct The List so that I can verify The Number. On the one hand, the memory defect bothers me, and on the other, I feel driven to have an accurate number. But in the meantime, I’m okay with having a highlight reel until I can create a director’s cut.

As long as there’s plenty of hot, buttery popcorn.

Follow Lady Smut. We’ve been around.

Sexual Knowledge is Power

15 Sep

by Rachel Kramer Bussel

Since it’s Strong and Sexy Week here at Lady Smut celebrating Elizabeth Safleur’s brand new release The White House Gets a Spanking, I want to explore something I think is vital for everyone, and especially women, when it comes to gaining strength and power: sexual knowledge. I don’t just mean sexual activity with other people, although that can be part of how we learn about ourselves, or sex education, which is woefully lacking in so many parts of the United States. Rather, I mean understanding our own internal sexual selves, what turns us on, what doesn’t, what we want from our sexuality, and how we will get it. After all, how can we exert our sexual power if we don’t know what we want?

There have been times when I’ve looked back on my sexual history and thought, Why did I do that? That was such a dumb decision. Things like chasing after someone who was clearly not interested in me (I did this on more than one occasion), or hooking up with a guy just because I was enamored that he’d been a contestant on Top Chef, or cheating on my girlfriend, which still haunts me to this day even though we’re now friends. I could go on, because I’ve had lots of sexual experiences that in retrospect seem pointless, but all of them taught me things about myself, which to me means power. Why? Because that past helps guide me in my current life and relationship. They made me more powerful when it came to erotic decision making because I knew what situations I didn’t want to repeat. I was able to be more assertive with future partners based on that collective information.

In my personal life, sexual trial and error has taught me so much about myself. For instance,, even though I’m generally more submissive than dominant in my sex life (though I struggle to be assertive in my non-sexual life), the times I’ve been with a partner who wanted me to dominate them have been some of the hottest of my life. I learned how to step into that role, showed myself and my partners that I was capable of it, and even enjoyed it. Aside from the specifics of domination and power, simply knowing that I got off on something I wouldn’t have expected has informed my outlook on life and on my own sexual personality.

That’s the kind of sexual knowledge you can’t really glean in the abstract, although sometimes it can come from talking about sex, which is precisely the situation in the excellent new novel Erotic Stories for Punjabi Widows by Balli Kaur Jaswal.

Erotic Stories for Punjabi Widows

I finished this book recently and loved it. It’s not erotica per se, but about erotic storytelling and how, for the title group of widows who join a London English class taught by protagonist Nikki, sharing these sexual fantasies unlocks a very special kind of power. Jaswal does a wonderful job focusing on women who’ve largely been forgotten by society. They’re widows, and elderly, so are viewed as sexless, yet they are far, far from being over desire. In fact, once they’re given this opportunity to freely explore their most shameless urges, they go wild with it. The class was originally meant to teach them how to read and write in English, which isn’t their native language, but what they consider more pressing is unburdening themselves of all the ways their culture has kept sexual knowledge from them. They take turns sharing their erotic stories and quizzing each other about the origins, in the process learning about the kinds of secrets we all keep buried behind closed doors.

Kulwinder, Nikki’s boss, who’s initially against the idea of the women under her indirect supervision discussing sex so openly, finds that the stories have worked their way into her mind and affected her marriage to her husband, which has been largely distant since the untimely and violent death of their daughter. Yet when she reaches out to him for intimacy, he responds, leading to a wild night when she wakes up naked in bed, shocked at herself.

She closed her eyes in embarrassment. Oh what have we done? she thought. Behaving like goreh, getting carried away in their excitement. They had wrapped themselves around each other last night like giddy lovers, moving up and down, left and right, twisting even. Where had it come from? The stories had provided no instructions, but they had known anyway how to bring each other to such heat. The thought of it sent shocks through Kulwinder’s body and then she was overcome by a wave of shame.

But why?

She was startled by the question, uttered so clearly that it broke the silence in the room. Why was she ashamed? Because she was supposed to be; because women, especially her age, did not ask for these sorts of pleasures. She blushed, thinking of the uninhibited moans that escaped her mouth – from every part of her body it seemed – as she drew Sarab in closer and closer. What if the neighbors heard? It had not even occurred to her last night.

For me, this was one of the most moving passages of the novel, highlighting how once our sexual knowledge has taken hold, it can’t be tucked away as if it doesn’t exist. It can’t be ignored and, for Kulwinder, and many women, it forces us to stand up to the often sexist and shaming cultural notions we’re offered about what’s “proper” for women. I’d venture to say that every woman has butted up against those notions at some point in her life, whether about how she dresses, what she’s done sexually, her “number,” or how she’s perceived to have behaved sexually.

The widows in the book share fantasies about sex with their husbands, with other men, with women, with sex toys. And even women outside the circle of widows find that once this Pandora’s box of erotic tales has been opened, it can’t be contained. There’s a reason these stories spread like wildfire, especially from a population that’s clearly been starved for just such carnal knowledge: they are finally coming in to their power, their autonomy, their voices.

I consider this a lesson all of us can learn from, whether we intimately share the details of our sex lives with one another or simply remain open ourselves to what’s truly in our hearts. Sexual knowledge can be unnerving, scary and dangerous; it can throw us off from a course we assumed was our destiny. It can put us on a collision course with what we’ve expected for ourselves, or what others have come to expect of us. It can be far easier to ignore what we know about our sexuality in favor of making nice or compatibility or respectability or any number of other reasons. But I’d argue that there are far greater rewards than negatives for pursuing our sexual power, for learning more about ourselves rather than less. Not only can it be enlightening and arousing, but also the better we know our own sexuality, the more empathy we can give to others who may take a different approach. That’s what happens in the book, as the widows are confronted by their peers’ experiences that clash with theirs. Yet ultimately, through discussion and exploration, they come to understand each other far better than they did when they were keeping their sexual secrets under wraps.

For lots of erotic knowledge and a strong heroine, be sure to check out hot off the press Washington, DC sexy femdom erotic novel The White House Gets a Spanking by Elizabeth SaFleur! It’s on sale today for the launch price of 99 cents. You don’t want to miss it!

The White House Gets a Spanking is out now!

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Rachel Kramer Bussel (rachelkramerbussel.com) has edited over 60 anthologies, including Best Women’s Erotica of the Year, Volume 1 and 2, Come Again: Sex Toy Erotica, Begging for It, Fast Girls, The Big Book of Orgasms and more. She writes widely about sex, dating, books and pop culture and teaches erotica writing classes around the country and online. Follow her @raquelita on Twitter and find out more about her classes and consulting at eroticawriting101.com. You can follow Rachel on BookBub to get notified about new releases and ebook sales.

The ‘O’ in ‘Team’: Would You Hire a Sex Coach?

11 Jul
You could go all the way. Heyo!

You could go all the way. Heyo!

By Alexa Day

Hello, neighbors! I’m hard at work this morning — FOR YOU — but I wanted to leave you with something to think about today. So think about this oldie but goodie from way back when. I’ll catch up to you again soon.

As part of my Post-Tax Clutter Purge and Shred Festival, I gathered up a lot of my old magazines to send to various magazine-seeking charities. Among this year’s odd discoveries were a stash of Cosmopolitans (not sure how those got here), a Playgirl (I know exactly how that got here), a People Sexiest Man Alive issue with Pierce Brosnan on the cover, and the June 2012 issue of GQ.

I got rid of the Cosmos, stashed the Playgirl and the People, and sat down with the GQ. I always enjoy my time with GQ. It’s nice to keep track of high fashion for men because real life is not providing me with useful examples of what erotic romance characters wear. But the June 2012 issue answered two questions for me and raised a third.

Question 1: What is this fascination with Michael Fassbender? The June 2012 issue features a lovely interview with Mr. Fassbender, who is a better looking fellow than I had first supposed. I think I was wrongly blaming him for whatever is now happening to the X-Men movie franchise. I hope he’ll forgive me for that someday.

Question 2: Where has Mark Strong been all my life? Mr. Strong is in the June 2012 issue, too, along with a handful of iconic movie villains. Big as life, with a safety pin in his mouth. He’s been right in front of me, apparently. I spent a little time imagining how the words “right in front of you” would sound in that voice. Then I had a really cold beverage and returned to my reading.

Question 3: Would I hire a sex coach to watch me have sex in the comfort and privacy of my home and then help me out with some pointers? Here’s a link to the article I read about Eric Amaranth. Check it out, along with the best headline ever.

Would I? Would you? Think about it.

Oh, come on. If you had an answer that quickly, you didn’t really think about it. Think about it.

Tab A in the slot formation.

Tab A in the slot formation.

First, let’s look at this in a general sense. I don’t mind telling you that I don’t know everything there is to know about sex. In fact, I would shy away from people who told me they did know everything there is to know. I’m delighted to report that there’s more for me to know and that the body of knowledge gets bigger every day. I keep a reading list and a little library here. I want to achieve my best possible performance sexually, and why not? I mean, I’m not putting any pressure on myself (heyo!). I just wonder if it’s possible to have more than what I have right now, and I think that’s a nice thing to wonder about.

But would I want a coach right here on the sidelines? Do I want that sort of practical hands-on and hands-off (mine on, his off) study?

I honestly don’t know. Seriously, I can’t answer that question. With the right partner, it might make for quite the experience. Even without a partner, it still has the potential to be fascinating.

And let’s consider our alternatives. There’s book learnin’, which is spectacular but has its limits. There’s personal experience, which is as limited as the person; bedding Tom only teaches you how to bed Tom, and only as well as he knows at the time. It leaves much to learn about bedding Dick and Harry. It also leaves out the things Tom doesn’t know but would like to know if he knew about them.

On top of that, there’s the lure of knowledge for knowledge’s sake. The world offers no more seductive whisper than this: “There’s so much more to learn.”

(Darn you, Mark Strong. Darn you to heckfire.)

So would I? Would you? Let me know what you think.

And remember: there’s no ‘I’ in Lady Smut. Follow us and see.

Giant Girls and the Men Who Want Them: Macrophilia 101

9 Jun

According to Playboy and the recent Pornhub annual report, giantess women are the new big thing in fantasyland. The demand for macrophiliac images, videos, and stories are on the rise and show no sign of slowing.  macrophilia-fetish-the-men-who-want-to-have-sex-with-actual-giants-body-image-1477499129

In case you’re not one of those typing in “giant woman porn” and hitting search, a macrogynophile is someone, usually a man, who is sexually attracted to a giant person, usually a woman. The word macrophilia translates to “lover of large.” The largeness is typically in height. Even though new giantess sites are now popping up all over the internet this passion isn’t new. Are you familiar with the ’58 movie, Attack of the 50 Foot Woman? You know the one about the beautiful woman who’s turned into a vengeful magnificent giant after encountering some aliens? Oddly sexy, right? How about the adventures of Tom Thumb–I mean the original from the Brothers Grimm. Weirdly intriguing.

Men who long for giant woman dream about being smothered by her huge breasts, 280758d832bcd76453e03d891714f5a1squashed beneath her behemoth feet, or–a special subfantasy of the giantess crowd–vore–which is being eaten by this gorgeous gargantuan. Swallowed whole.

Why, you want to know? Other than the obvious, the idea of being overtaken by a giant woman is kinky and unique, why would a guy be particularly excited by a giant woman? One theory is that because in most societies men are seen as powerful and dominant, they find the idea of being released from the pressure and responsibility that comes along with those assumptions both freeing and frightening. This combination ignites the fight or flight instinct and by choosing to fight, even in their imagination, they get an adrenaline rush. That leads to arousal and… You see? In this case the fear is safe–like the rush you get from watching a good horror movie. Another theory is that one often applied to kinks and fetishes. An adolescent experiences something non-sexual yet he is suddenly and inexplicably powerfully aroused, and so from that moment forward the person associates sexual arousal with the otherwise non-sexual experience or object.

Frequently there are BDSM themes or erotic humiliation elements woven into the giantess fantasies. According to sex therapist Pamela Supple, “Power, domination and vulnerability are at the heart of macrophilia.”It’s allowing your mind to go wherever it wants to go, whilst engaging in play to gain the maximum sexual arousal. Some want to feel and experience terror – being crushed or controlled. Everyone is different in what they want to experience.” Supple also believes macrophilia has enjoyed a massive surge in popularity in the past few years, citing the internet’s crucial role in helping to both create and facilitate the fetish. And, in some cases, introducing the fetish to those who have been looking for a name for what they feel.

Obviously, this particular fantasy can be difficult to act out in real life, as 50 foot women are hard to find. However, there are some unusually tall women who specialize in catering to men who love them for their statuesque stature.

Women, if you’re feeling left out, and wonder if there is a parallel world where you get to fantasize about giant men, the answer is yes. It’s just not as common. The speculation on this is that there isn’t enough reality breaking to really give this traction. Men are already typically bigger, we’re accustomed to being somewhat smaller. So the step outside of the usual just isn’t that far. Still, if you’re one of the rare women who share this interest, check out https://giantesskatelyn.com/.

Shout out in the comments, let us know what you think about these hot, giant women. And, follow us at Lady Smut! But wait, there’s more: Subscribe to our saucy monthly newsletter!

-An Anthology of Romance and Horror-mediumIsabelle Drake writes erotica, erotic romance, urban fantasy, and young adult thrillers. Her latest story, BAIT, features a woman who hunts and sells zombies, can be found in the horror anthology GONE WITH THE DEAD.

Never Have You Ever Ever, sex-positive game, home and office edition.

12 May
mic

Can you believe they trusted me with the mic?

What do sweet tea, brownies, free books, prize boxes filled with sex toys, swag bags featuring sexy body chains from Unbound Boxes, and highly personal, potentially inappropriate questions about your sex life have in common? If you joined us at the raved about Lady Smut Blogger’s RTBooklover’s convention event, Never Have You Ever Ever, you already know the answer.

If you weren’t able to join us, no worries. You don’t have to wait until next year to play. Here is the Never Have You Ever Ever home and office edition. How do you play?

  1. Gather a group of your friends.
  2. Do a trial run to make sure they know how to raise their hand. Do this by asking, “Do you want to play this highly personal and potentially inappropriate game?” Anyone who raises their hand is in.

Now that they’re in, here are the rules:

  1. You ask a question.
  2. If their answer is “yes,” they raise their hand.
  3. If their hand is up, they are still in the running to win.
  4. If their hand goes down, they’re out.

Variation: allow game players to rejoin if their subsequent answer are “yes.” To do this, they simply raise their hand to get back in. Later, you can switch to sudden death.

Variation: add your own questions.

boxes

Unbound Boxes, filled with sex toys.

The first round is the sweetness round. Here, the sweetest of the sweet is revealed. The sweetness finalists who attended our RT event were gifted with a box of sex toys…but, maybe you could simply offer your winners the great, well-kept secret underground website that only very few people know about: PORNHUB.

Ready, set, read the questions to reveal the sweetest of the sweet.

  • Raise your hand if you’ve had less than 2 sexual relationships in your whole life.
  • Keep your hand up if you’ve NEVER given or received oral sex.
  • Keep your hand up if you’ve NEVER EVER tried masturbating.
  • Keep your hand up if you’re a vaginal virgin.
  • Keep your hand up if you’ve NEVER EVER EVER French kissed someone.

The second round is the naughty round. Who among you has done…if not all, a lot. Same rules. Hand up for yes. Down for no. Again our RT finalists were gifted with an awesome box of sex toys. What should you give your winner? How about a pad of paper and a pen, so they can start writing some steamy romances for us all to read.

  • Raise your hand if you’ve ever done any role-playing.
  • Keep your hand up if you have any piercings below your neck.

    hostess

    Hostesses Kris, Elizabeth, Isabelle & Stephy. 

  • Keep your hand up if you’ve ever intentionally seduced someone.
  • Keep your hand up if it’s not your bellybutton.
  • Keep your hand up if you’ve ever gotten or given a lap dance.
  • Keep your hand up if you’ve ever done any bondage or spanking.
  • Keep your hand up if you’re a member of the mile high club.
  • Keep your hand up if you’ve ever had sex with a younger person (by which we mean you were over the age of 30, and the person was at least 9 years younger).
  • Keep your hand up if you’ve ever had anal sex.
  • Keep your hand up if you’ve ever used a strap on toy .
  • Keep your hand up if you’ve ever interacted with a stripper or stripper–male or female.
  • Keep your hand up if you’ve ever had sex with more than one person at the same time?
  • Keep your hand up if you have been, or been with, a unicorn.
  • Keep your hand up if you’ve ever participated in an orgy.
  • Keep your hand up if you have a rumpus room at home.

There you have it, the official, abbreviated home and office edition of the first ever Lady Smut sex-positive game.

Start playing, folks! Share your discoveries and results in the comments! Follow us at Lady Smut! Subscribe to our saucy monthly newsletter!

-An Anthology of Romance and Horror-mediumIsabelle Drake writes erotica, erotic romance, urban fantasy, and young adult thrillers. Her latest story, BAIT, features a woman who hunts and sells zombies, can be found in the horror anthology GONE WITH THE DEAD.

Decent Acting, Gorgeous People, And BDSM! So Why Didn’t Anyone Watch Submission?

10 May

By Elizabeth Shore

A few days ago I found myself without anything to do. Well, technically, there’s always s**t to do, but nothing I felt like tackling. The solution? Cruise my way down couch jockey street, flipping channels until I landed on some mind-numbing goodness for a few hours of escape. Drink in one hand, remote in the other, I found Submission, a 6-episode series that aired last year on Showtime. Wait…last year?! Why hadn’t I heard of it? Admittedly, I’m not always hip to the latest on TV, but still. This show was right up my erotic romance alley and yet until recently had gone undiscovered.

Naturally, I binge-watched all six episodes. Not terribly impressive since they were each like 28 minutes long. Yet once I finished watching I really was perplexed about why no one’s been talking about this show. Let’s run down the list of attractions: beautiful actors (standard fare for TV shows, but still); not bad plotline, decent writing, money from Showtime. Oh, and sex. Lots and lots and lots of sex! BDSM, F/F, regular M/F, even ménage. And it was hot, too. A scene between one of the series’ main characters and an impromptu meet-up in the ladies’ room had me coming back ’round for a second viewing. De-lish!

It’s not surprising that the sex scenes are a major focus of the series. Its two creators, Jacky St. James and Paul Fishbein, have well-established creds in the adult video world. Fishbein, in fact, is the former CEO of Adult Video News and creator of the AVN awards show. So on paper it seems like this series would work. It’s even got parallels to 50 Shades. But I don’t know a single person who’s seen it and the show’s outlook for a season 2 is shaky, to put it mildly.

Here’s the plot: sexually frustrated Ashley ditches her boring boyfriend and decides to roommate with an old friend, Jules. Jules has an additional roomie, Dylan, who’s night and day different from Ashley. Dylan’s a sexually open, do-it-with-anyone kinda gal. She’s also a submissive. When Ashley meets Dylan’s master, Elliott, and becomes the object of his desire, giving Dylan the boot, things get interesting indeed. Nothing like a pissed-off subbie out for revenge. Dylan, as it turns out, knows something about Elliott that he’d rather keep secret. So unless Ashley does exactly what Dylan wants, Elliott’s in a heap o’ trouble. And naturally, adding fuel to Elliott’s fire, by this time he and Ashley are in love. Conflict abounds! Late-night smutty TV at its best. Oh, and then there’s the sex. Did I mention that?

I looked up deets on the show on IMDB and wasn’t exactly shocked to learn that the character of Dylan is played by former adult video star, Raylin Joy, whose stage name is Skin Diamond. Her character is the most sexually daring of the bunch. But here’s the interesting thing about the actress. She was born in the U.S. but lived most of her adolescent life in the U.K. She studied Dramatic Arts and her favorite subjects were ancient Greek theater and Shakespeare. For her acting final exam she played Antigone in the Sophocles play. With a theater geek background, why porn? She’s quoted as saying, “as an independent and highly sexual woman, taking charge of my own personal sexual growth in this manner was immensely empowering.”

Certainly comparisons can be drawn between Ms. Joy’s statement about her acting and why some of us choose to read and write erotic romance. There is indeed something personally empowering in creating sexually open characters and having them delve into all kinds of hot wickedness, wherever our naughty little minds choose to take them.

I personally think Showtime dropped the ball by not advertising the dang series. No one’s gonna watch if they don’t know the show exists, amiright?! Who knows if Submission will go beyond a single season, but if you want to see it for yourself, it’s streaming on demand. So if you’re sitting around with nothing to do, now you’ve got some options. 😉

Elizabeth Shore writes both contemporary and historical erotic romance. Her newest book is an erotic historical novella, Desire Rising, from The Wild Rose Press. Other releases include Hot Bayou Nights and The Lady Smut Book of Dark Desires

The end of an awful marriage might be the beginning of something smoking hot. Click to buy.

 

 

 

 

 

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