Tag Archives: The Telegraph

Dancing In A Cage And Other Fantasy Jobs

8 Mar

Looking sexy and dancing in a cage

By Elizabeth Shore

In my day job, I talk to a lot of people who come in my office just to vent. They plop down in the chair across my desk, lips ready to explode with frustration, and let it all out. I listen and nod and offer whatever guidance I can, but mostly they’re not looking for advice, they simply want a sounding board. They need to know that someone out there in day job world actually isn’t an insane corporate soul sucking lunatic nightmare but rather someone who’s well-balanced. Rational. Someone who actually gives two cents about what happens to them. That’s me. In the daytime world.

Once several years ago an exasperated employee who held a very senior-level job gave me a call. After ranting about this or that for several minutes he said to me, “I mean, f**k it, I’m like everyone else. Sometimes all I want is to just be a bicycle messenger.” That conversation stuck in my mind because I knew exactly how he felt. When Monday through Friday means spending essentially every waking minute imprisoned in the mind-numbing world of a corporate day job, your mind starts drifting into fantasy land. You envision how much better life would seem if only you could be a ____ (fill in the blank).

The guy who called me wanted to be a bicycle messenger. He said he’d get his exercise in every day, feel great about being outside, and – most importantly – not be stuck behind a desk and computer. That actually does sound pretty darn good. But for myself, I envision something a bit more…titillating. More decadent. And I’m not talking about writing erotic romance. I already do that, and love it, but since it actually is part of my reality it doesn’t count. No, friends. When I’m secretly thinking about my fantasy day job, it’s all about dancing in a cage.

This idea first took root when I saw a rock video featuring cage dancers. Well, it actually featured the band, but my focus wasn’t on the screaming lead singer or the heavily tattooed drummer. I don’t even remember who the band was, because for me it was all about the babes in the cage. Like this girl:

 

See, I want to be her. Gorgeous, fit, with moves and a body to match. She’s not in the least intimidated by the photographer getting up close and personal as he’s snapping shots. No way. She’s working it, baby. Smiling and dancing, swishing her hair and looking beautiful without a care in the world. And that’s me! Or so goes my fantasy. Why in a cage? Why not in a cage! It brings out the sexy, prowling animal in us all. Well, in me, anyway.

If one were to actually talk to that girl, we might find out she was paid all of a hundred dollars for that little dancing gig and that it’s the only one she booked that month. She might be living in a studio apartment with three other girls and having to share a single hamburger between them – mostly to stay thin, but also because it’s all any one of them can afford. She also might not be particularly educated. (Just sayin’. It’s only a guess). Global matters or an appreciation for art or literature may be denied my young beautiful cage dancer. But that’s not part of the fantasy. No way. My cage-dancing fantasy life also includes possessing intellectual horsepower and enough money so I don’t have to stress about finances. Cool, right?

I looked up what the top fantasy jobs were for other folks. A poll in the online U.K.’s The Telegraph posed the question to British workers, and their top fantasy was to be a pilot. Those big dreamin’ Brits! Pilots was followed by charity workers and writers. A poll over at Ranker lists movie critic as top fantasy job. But totaljobs.com is singing my tune. The number one job on their list is rock star. Yeah! As Nickelback front man Chad Kroeger sings in Rockstar, “well we all wanna be big rockstars, and live in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars.” Exactly.

Of course, if you’ve really got it going on, you can be a cage dancer and a rock star. Like Shakira in her She Wolf video.

 

Now, that’s what I call a fantasy.

How about you? Cage dancer? Pilot? Or something completely different. Make your fantasies a reality – at least on paper – and tell us about it in the comments below.

Elizabeth Shore writes both contemporary and historical erotic romance. Her newest book is an erotic historical novella, Desire Rising, from The Wild Rose Press. Other releases include Hot Bayou Nights and The Lady Smut Book of Dark Desires

 

 

Perfecting Your Skills At BJ School

22 Feb

By Elizabeth Shore

If forced to guess, most of us wouldn’t be hard pressed to figure out that the majority of guys out there like a good blow job. In fact, according to a survey at LoveMatters.com, over 70% of men prefer fellatio to actual intercourse.

70%!

With that glaring statistic, perfecting the technique when “heading” (heh) down south seems to make a lot of sense. Whether it’s to service your real life man, or to ensure the heroine in your book knows exactly what she’s doing, how better to “bone up” on your skills than by taking some lessons at Blow Job School. After all, if you want to learn a new language, or perfect your cooking techique, you wouldn’t hesitate to take a lesson or two, right? The same approach applies to mastering the knob job. Playing the skin flute. Licking the lollypop. And so on.

A few years ago, writer Rebecca Holman wrote a fascinating piece for The Telegraph about her experience going to sex school. She was there with about 10 other women, all there to learn the art of giving a really great blow job. Her class was called “Playing the Flute with Master Dominic,” taught, as you rightly guessed, by a Dominant named Dominic. As Rebecca writes in the article, which you can read here in its entirety, “…as I get older, it occurs to me that my refusal to make any effort in bed probably isn’t going to cut it.” Ergo, why not get some lessons?

Holman also noted, possibly due in part to the popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey, that she sensed a feeling of sexual empowerment among the women in the workshop. Something she feels wouldn’t have occurred say twenty years ago. The coordinator of the workshop agrees. She’s quoted in the article as saying, “People are talking more openly about sex than they were before. Women, in particular, are feeling more empowered to be sexy and also to dominate.”

So, good. Right? Nothing wrong with a little girl power and getting your sexy on. Yet questions abound! What, exactly, do they teach in blow job school? How does said teaching occur? Wonder no more, my friends. Thanks to the good peeps over at The Huffington Post, (along with my own good peep who pointed out the article to me in the first place), a compilation from sex educators and others is at our finger tips.

The lessons taught in blow job school are pretty self-evident, but a refresher from time to time never hurts. After all, as any good athlete or Carnegie Hall performer would tell you, practice, practice, practice. And what are you practicing? Why, such sound advice such as:

  • Use your hands along with your mouth
  • Don’t shy away from lube
  • Remember the “boys,” and  – perhaps most importantly –
  • Ask your man what gets him off. What does it take to transport him to happy land? Nirvana to one guy might be waterlogged wood to another, and that certainly could be very deflating (heh) to you both.

At the workshop Holman attended, Master Dominic explained the above and more, and then his teachings were put to practical use by the attendees sucking, licking, and no doubt pleasuring popsicles.

This all sounds great, although I have to wonder how many men would be willing to do the same for their gals? Plenty of them suck when worshipping the honeypot, and I don’t mean in a good way. Some men might feel it’s emasculating to admit they haven’t mastered their oral technique, but to me there’s nothing hotter than lovers – men or women – who aim to please and go out of their way to learn how best to do it.

Elizabeth Shore writes both contemporary and historical erotic romance. Her newest book is an erotic historical novella, Desire Rising, from The Wild Rose Press. Other releases include Hot Bayou Nights and The Lady Smut Book of Dark Desires

 

 

 

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