Tag Archives: Timothy Olyphant

One Hot Zombie Husband, Please!–And Other Lustful Zombie Stuff

2 Feb
santaclaritadiet

Let that repressed manic side out, Timothy Olyphant.

by Madeline Iva

On Friday night I’m watching a new show called THE SANTA CLARITA DIET on Netflix. Why? Two words: Timothy Olyphant. The guy has a kind of restrained mayhem vibe that makes women purr. He’s good when he’s a bad boy, and I like it when he does the humor thing, but really underplays it. Let’s hope he gets to do both in this new TV show.

What’s unusual is for Olyphant to be part of a duo, for he often plays the lone wolf.  Yet he’s a supportive husband (awwww) as his wife’s body goes undead and her twisted feral id coming to life. (Peeps, this could be my own marriage we’re talking about—esp. when I’m on deadline.)

As for the rest of the show–we shall see.  I lurv Drew Barrymore and early reviews say the supporting cast is excellent.  The creator is Victor Fresco who did the short lived but great (!) show BETTER OFF TED, which walked the line of absurdism and also had a supportive, understanding, and munch-a-licious lead.

But hey, let me be your zombie pimp and recommend some other zombie joy you may have overlooked. My preference is for zombie comedy/satire. Take R in WARM BODIES.  So cute and so protective in his own teenage, shuffling, groan-y way.

Click to buy the DVD

Click to buy the DVD

 

There’s also a wonderful funny little book call BREATHERS.  Subversive and with a sexy element that I quite enjoyed.

Click to buy.

Click to buy.

Have you seen the movie SEAN OF THE DEAD? It’s a bit like The Office meets zombies. Quite surprisingly daffy and satiric all the way through.

Imagine The Office as a zombie flick. Click to buy the DVD...

Imagine The Office as a zombie flick. Click to buy the DVD…

Meanwhile, let us not forget some serious Zombie smut, like what you’ll find with our own Isabelle Drake’s SERVANT OF THE UNDEAD along with Daisy Harris’ mix of not-quite-human stuff.  I lurved Hariss’ “Steins” and sex bots.  In BUILT FOR IT Harris discovered M/M erotic romance and never looked back. (Can you even get these books anymore Daisy?)

 

557e4e368babb5e201b7f2d2b531d8cbOnce upon a time, Lexi waxed philosophical on the ethics of sex with an undead body. I, dear readers, completely understand.  Who really wants to kiss decaying flesh?  On the other hand, a zombie is nothing if not a metaphor.  Give me your metaphors–satiric, comedic or full of pathos and killed by societal excess and ennui.  Sometimes we all seem a little rotten to the core.  Zombies get to wear their decay on the outside where it’s all embarrassing and visible.  Ultimately, they’re monsters and I dearly love a monster-hero, even if his heart is dead and cold.

That’s not to say that one can’t enjoy zombie horror.  Lexi has traced the path of an end-of-the-world romance on the Walking Dead that I’ve followed probably with more enjoyment that I took in watching the actual show.  Check out her posts:

LIFE AMONG THE DEAD: IS MICHONNE READY TO LOVE AGAIN?

THE DEAD DELIVER: IS THIS THE SEASON FOR RICHONNE? 

DEAD ON! REJOICING FOR RICHONNE

If you do like your zombies with a lot of blood splatter, there’s a movie coming out called THE GIRL WITH ALL THE GIFTS.

You'll slurp it up if you like post-apocalyptic action/adventure. Click to buy.

You’ll slurp it up if you like post-apocalyptic action/adventure. Click to buy.

The book was gripping–I stayed up all night reading it.  I’m sure the movie will be excellent too, but check out the book first. It’s post apocalyptic, British, and I liked how the balance of characters in the book were female.  They seemed to have deliberately switched around the race of the characters in the movie.  Hmmmmmm.

There’s also World War Z — not your typical zombie genre book.  It’s totally different and only about a thousand times better than the movie. (Sorry Brad Pitt.)

Another book I've read in one sitting. Click to buy.

Another book I’ve read in one sitting. Click to buy.

Well, time for me to do some groaning and shuffling myself as I sign off to go jog, shower, and write. Follow us at Lady Smut.  We give you reasons to live.

wickedapprenticefinal-fjm_high_res_1800x2700Madeline Iva writes fantasy and paranormal romance.  Her fantasy romance, WICKED APPRENTICE, featuring a magic geek heroine, is available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, and through iTunes.  Sign up for Madeline Iva news & give aways.

 

Stranded on a Desert Island: A Lady Smut Quiz

13 Jun

GuamPick the answer that best describes you:

1. I dream of being on a deserted island when:

a) What dream? I’m heading for a scuba-diving trip to Guam right now-who’s with me?

b) When I’m hanging out with my special vibrating ‘friend’.

c) Every damn day since the school year ended.

d) Whenever I add to my tiki mug collection.

Fox2. If ever I were stranded in a tropical setting, I’d want to be stranded with: 

A) Timothy Olyphant (The Perfect Getaway)

B) Josh Holloway (Lost)

C) Matthew Fox (Lost)

D) Adam Sandler (50 First dates)

drinks2. When I’m at the beach I like eating:

a) raw sea urchin I catch myself

b) whatever local fish is at the closest restaurant where we can sit and look at the water.

c) a picnic from home stuffed with cold pesto chicken salad on baquettes, marinated artichoke heart salad, and raspberry brownies. (Yum!)

d) a pitcher of mai-tai’s at one of those bars where the tropical drinks are the size of bird baths.

Your typical desert island bad boy--Josh Holloway

Your typical desert island bad boy–Josh Holloway

3. When I’m on the beach I like to:

a) oil up, lie down, and indulge my sun tanning addiction.

b) Roll around with a guy in the waves, a la Burt Lancaster and Debra Kerr in From Here To Eternity

c) Slather myself in sunscreen before I start looking like an old baseball mitt.

d) Wait–have I ever actually been to the beach? Hmmmm.

My ideal Volcano God

My ideal Volcano God

4. In my desert island fantasy:

a) After a bonfire, we go skinny dipping in the ocean at midnight.

b) We make love in a secret cave you can only get to by water.

c) We are on the beach–no wait, too much sand.  We are in a hammock–no wait, that would tweak my lower back.  We are in a hut, but one without roaches, or rats, and somehow there’s a little fridge there that works–and a bathroom–and an outdoor shower with warm water–and big fluffy beach towels.

d) I’m a virgin sacrifice to a volcano god who happens to look just like Jemaine Clement.

5. At the end of the week (or month, or year–but who’s counting?) I return to civilization:

Volcano

You’re home away from home.

a) to pack my things–I’m a-movin’ to Hawaii!

b) with one perfect sand dollar to remind me of the trip

c) with a blistered red nose, a few photos, and a very special yeast infection from sitting around in a wet bathing suit.

d) to pack my things–I’m moving into the volcano with Jemaine.

Score:

If you picked mostly A : Congrats! You’re a bonafide beach rat.  Whether it’s underwater cave spelunking or body surfing rip tides on a South African beaches, your soul does a happy dance the second you smell the briny tang of an ocean breeze.

If you answered mostly ‘B’: You’re a beach romantic.  A morning walk on a foggy beach is your idea of heaven.  You’d be happy even on the beaches of colder climates–say Scotland, Maine or Iceland.  You don’t need sun and sand dunes to enjoy the ocean’s solitude.

Mostly C’s: Ahoy, land lubber.  To you beaches mean sunburn, piles of stinky sea-weed, and sand fleas.  Stick with beachy decor in the house (island breeze candles, maybe?) and tropical drinks at the bar.

The D Group: Whaaaaa-waaaaa! (The buzzer sounds).  You’re ready for the Tiki-Lounge maybe, but not Tahiti.  You enjoy the kitschy side of beach life, but probably won’t visit the real thing any time soon.Tiki

When He’s Good He’s Bad, When He’s Bad, He’s Better: Timothy Olyphant

21 Feb

crazy santaI first saw Timothy Olyphant in the movie GO.  A Christmas film about rent money, drugs, & people behaving very badly, it is a slick simple gem. In the movie Olyphant plays a hot drug dealer.  The main character leaves her friend (Katie Holmes) with him as collateral at one point. You watch the friend (Katie Holmes) go from nervous as she hangs out with the mean shirtless drug dealer, to kinda tempted by his hotness, to scared again.  Doing anything with him would definitely be a Big Mistake.  Yet you itch to see that big mistake happen.  Katie runs into him later on and she’s almost twitchy with desire to hop his bones.  You drool to see what happens next.

The next time the big O popped up on my radar was in an episode of SEX IN THE CITY.  He was the younger guy kind of boyfriend who has no TP in his disgusting apartment, who drags Carrie out in the wee after hours to the amoral fetes hosted by his younger generation, and who makes out with her at a party with a pierced tongue. (Hot!)

Mad SheriffOlyphant was almost unrecognizable when he starred for the first time in DEADWOOD a year or so later.  He arrives in a town where the a miasma of lawlessness is so thick you’d think he’d get infected from just one whiff.  And it does seem to affect him.  As sheriff he’s willing to get a little crazy & very mean if he has to in order to make Deadwood into a better town.  And of course he has to.

He walks an ethical razor’s edge and the result is inevitable: he starts having sex with a widow recently recovering from a laudanum addiction.  They are both making a very Big Mistake. There’s this one scene where she sends her daughter downstairs with the nanny to the boarding house kitchen to have dinner so she can get it on with the sheriff.  They rip her clothes off down to her corset and get to it.  They are going at it so hard plaster chunks fall off the ceiling.  We see the shot of the plaster chunk falling into her daughter’s soup below.  Not good.  The affair must end, and one of them pays a price–guess who? You see the knife twist into them both pretty hard, but the law man isn’t really made for love and marriage.

The whole show was as lawless as the town, using a Shakespearean stilted English to convey gun slinger sensibilities.  It didn’t last long, and after it was cancelled, I really didn’t think that we’d see Olyphant again. Boy was I wrong!

Cruel SheriffAlthough he’s had some movie roles that I refuse to acknowledge, (The villain in Die Hard?  Yeesh.) soon enough he found  a cozy new home on the television show JUSTIFIED.  There he plays a U.S. Marshall with a twitchy trigger finger. He makes many a Big Mistake in this show–one of them involves getting back together with his ex, Winona.  While they are a very pretty couple, their relationship is doomed if only because his approach to his job ensures that he keeps tracking nasty murderous men back to his hotel room.  There’s not enough room in his life for Winona and the bad guys — so guess which has to go?

Raylan & WinonaWhat is Olyphant’s magic? In pictures he’s a good looking guy, but it’s not until he’s acting that he gets interesting.  He’s always smoothly controlled, but add a little perversity into the mix and he becomes catnip for women. Take your pick: crazy, shrewd, mean or droll—when Olyphant pitches his character ever-so-slightly in any of these directions his sexiness factor goes way up.

Check out Season four of Justified on DVD.  It promises more of that excellent repartee between Olyphant and his next-doomed-significant-other.  The show has taken a turn towards Terantino-land–but the added shot of blood seems to suit Olyphant.

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